How Do I Wrap My Heart Up for Christmas?
by Lady D

We’ve drinketh from the goblet of His blood and eaten of His body. Let’s leave now singing ‘The Angels Song’.

Singing echoed behind him as he snuck out the back. His family had expected him to attend the traditional wassailing on Christmas Eve following the Lights ceremony, but he had other plans. He just had to be back at church for midnight mass or his father would be upset—not a good thing.

He reread the letter by the bright lights of the stars and the snow glistening throughout the landscape of the small town.

Since he’d found the letter with no envelope in the mail, he couldn’t think of a single eligible candidate. It had eaten at him up to now. The letter hung from his fingertips, brushing his leg as he leaned against a church column. Above him holly vines stretched across the church doors. He smirked when he spotted a tiny piece of mistletoe someone had tied to part of it.

He’d wanted to tell Jack about the letter but had been afraid he’d be laughed at. He’d hung out with Jack for what felt like forever. When he first moved in with his family, he’d been so withdrawn and intimidated by everything. Jack had lived down the road and helped around their farm. Since the first day they met, Jack had worked on chipping the shell Daniel had built around himself until they were best buddies, their age difference notwithstanding. It’d been hard when Jack had left for college, but now it was his turn to leave home. He’d excelled in his classes and was actually graduating a year earlier. Granted, bumping a year had alienated him from his classmates but somehow Jack had always understood. Maybe he wouldn’t have laughed about the letter.

Daniel really missed him. Jack had promised to be home for Christmas.

A crisp breeze carried the smell of chimney smoke past him. Muffled singing was growing dimmer as the wassailing began. Soon, no voices were heard. Everything became silent and the world seemed to still in mutual peace.

He wasn’t sure how long he stayed there, trying to urge his feet to move toward the old barn. But there was the anonymous promise…

Finally, he pushed off and headed down Main Street. The road, usually bustling with activity in the day, was now utterly empty save for a lonely snowman on the sidewalk. He was glad. He dreaded having to explain to someone why he wasn’t with his family at the moment.

Clearing his mind of all the reasons not to, he pulled the old barn’s large, wooden door open. The hinges creaked ominously as he peered inside, using the moonlight to illuminate the straw and dirt-laden floor beyond.

Stepping inside, the heavy door fell closed behind him. Spaces between the dilapidated wooden boards allowed just enough silver light to filter through. Holding his breath; he listened.

Nothing.

He was alone. He’d have to wait.

He climbed up to the loft so that he could see whoever entered and have the option of not announcing his presence. As it was chilly up there, he moved deeper into a pile of hay and pulled an old blanket over his legs.

Something woke him. He quickly pulled out his father’s pocket watch and read it by a sliver of light, 10:30. So late. He needed to leave before his family got back to the church and…

No one had showed up.

He pulled the letter back out of his pocket to reread it but a sound from below stalled his movement.

“Daniel, you in here?”

Huh, that sounded like… “Jack?”

“There you are. Been lookin’ for you since I got back.”

Daniel quickly clambered down the ladder, then ran into Jack’s arms. His friend was so warm and smelled so good. “Ja-aaack,” he sighed.

“S’good to see you, too,” Jack whispered, then held the lantern up to look at Daniel. “You’ve really grown. You look mature, as if that’s possible.”

Daniel’s lanky frame had filled out nicely, his body now more proportional. He looked good with longer chestnut-colored hair, too. Jack could see his beaming smile and his twinkling bright blues eyes, even in the surrounding gloom. The boyish adolescent had finally bloomed into a young man—a young handsome man. Jack felt the recognizable heat building in him as he cupped Daniel’s cheek.

“What are you doin’ here, anyway?” he asked guilelessly.

“Huh?” Daniel pulled out of Jack’s arms, immediately missing the familiar warmth. “Oh, um… Nothing really, just…I was supposed to meet someone here and…Look, it doesn’t matter. How’d you know I’d be here?”

“Well since you weren’t anywhere else…” Jack began, then sighed and dropped his head. “Okay, that’s a lie. I knew you’d be here. I *asked* for you to come.”

Realization hit Daniel. Still, he needed to hear it. “You… You wrote the note?” He held it out for Jack to see. Was this the same Jack he knew? He looked the same. Always those broad shoulders and that trim waist. His hair was shorter but the wool sweater he wore still showed the same fit physique underneath. And his eyes—they were so deep, so beautiful… even with this strange new look of desperation in them.

Jack looked down at the all too familiar handwriting. “I wrote that. I had to know. I’ve always felt… I mean… Argh, I don’t know how to explain this. I just wanted you to know that… that I’ve always felt close, more than close, more than two friends should ever feel. I’ve wanted to tell you. I wanted to…”

Jack lifted his head. “…To hold you close, to…kiss you.” He didn’t know what he would see in Daniel’s eyes; he was ready for anything.

Daniel was overwhelmed. He simply didn’t know what to think. He’d always known he felt safe and lov…Loved? By Jack? Was he in love with Jack?

Jack saw confusion written across Daniel’s face. The blue eyes appeared to be searching for something within. The spark of feeling Jack had hoped for wasn’t there, but he knew it could be too much for such a young, innocent mind. He had to finish this.

“I used to think that was enough, but I need more now. I need to know how you feel about me. Do you…do you love me, Daniel?” Jack’s heart was beating so fast, he felt dizzy.

Love? Did he love Jack? Did he even know how to? It was too much too soon. He began to shake his head to clear it.

And when Daniel shook his head, Jack’s heart bled, then stopped beating. He staggered back slightly. “I…I understand. I’ll s-stay my distance to make you comfortable. I’d never wish to make you feel awkward. I’ll just go now.” He was out the door without a look back, firmly holding his emotions in check.

[Go. No. Don't go. I need you to stay. I... I need you. I've always needed you. I want you with me, too. I do love you. I love you, Jack.] He whispered, “Yes”. Then realized Jack was nowhere around. [No!]

“Jack!” He ran out the door. “Jack!” A figure partially lit by a lantern was nearing the break in the fence. “Jack!”

The figure stilled ahead, and turned. Daniel raced toward him and didn’t stop until he had embraced him. Pressing his lips firmly against Jack’s.

The shock was instantaneous for both, then Jack’s arms wrapped around Daniel’s back, pulling him closer. The strange, clumsy kiss became more demanding, more desperate. The tingle Daniel had experienced at the first contact was quickly growing into a fully engulfing fire. He was melting into Jack and he wanted nothing more than to stay trapped in this moment forever. He felt Jack’s need pressing against his, and he replied in kind. At some point, he realized they were moving and looked up to see the old barn before him.

“I do love you, Jack. I know it now.”

“Let me show you how much I’ve waited for this moment, my sweet Daniel.”

Daniel pulled Jack to him, up in the loft. Lightning ignited as their lips moved closer, then met. Daniel arched up against Jack who responded by grinding into Daniel.

That evening they found more love in each other than either could imagine. Lying in each other’s arms, they stared up at the stars through a loft window. A shooting star crossed the sky.

“D’you make any wish?”

Daniel snuggled into Jack. “Don’t need to. They’ve all come true.”

Jack pulled Daniel closer. Whispering into his ear, “For me too, Love.”

The End