The Initiation (of Jonas Quinn)
Part I
It was a dark and stormy night. The candles were lit and the plan was set. The players were seated around the coffee table, fingertips positioned on the heart-shaped planchette of the Ouija board.
Jack smirked from across the table, Carter rolled her eyes, a lone eyebrow rested high on Teal’c's forehead, and Jonas smiled happily at his teammates, finally feeling he was at the edge of acceptance. All he had to do was pass one last test of initiation and Colonel O’Neill would welcome him with open arms. The idea of summoning spirits and Ouija boards was completely foreign, but if that’s what it took, he’d do it.
After visually confirming the windows were closed, Jack began the incantation to call on spirits from beyond to answer their call. “Oh, Great Spirit, hear our questions and help us see what you have in store. Is there a spirit here now?” he asked as they rested their fingertips on the small piece of wood, waiting to see it move in answer. After several moments and quick glances around the room accompanied by some toe tapping from the Colonel, Jack repeated his question in a louder tone. “I said, is there a spirit here now?!”
When the candle’s flame flickered, Carter blinked in surprise, Jonas’ eyes widened but Teal’c's eyebrow still didn’t move. Jack tried not to smile and then frowned when he heard an exasperated sigh he knew was meant for him alone. All at the table jerked in reaction when the planchette shot over to ‘yes’.
Casting a suspicious glance toward the colonel, Carter eyed him. “Did you do that?”
“No!” Jack exclaimed indignantly. “Did you?”
“Yeah, right. Sir.”
Jonas smiled pleasantly. “This is great!”
Carter then looked at Jonas accusingly. “So you did it?”
“No,” Jonas answered in self-defense. “But if we didn’t do it…” he said and all three turned to Teal’c who raised his other eyebrow, silently daring them to voice it.
In unison, the three sighed and looked back at each other.
Jack spoke up. “So no one at the table moved it, which means we are not alone. Okay, let’s bring on the questions for our undoubtedly captive audience. I’ll go first,” Jack said loftily.
“Um, sir,” Sam interrupted, “technically, you already had your turn. You asked if the spirit was here, so I’ll go next.”
“But—” Jack said as he raised a finger.
Carter ignored him and continued her question. “Oh, Great Spirit, is there somebody in this room acting like a dick?”
“Heeey!” Jack glared when the planchette began to bounce up and down on the ‘yes’, knocking everyone’s fingers off of it. When they heard the ice maker gurgling in the kitchen, Jack could have sworn it sounded like a chuckle. Jack announced, “Carter is immediately restricted from asking questions with male genitalia involved. Jonas, you’re up.”
Jonas pointed to the planchette that was still bouncing. “Shouldn’t I wait for that to stop, Colonel?”
“Yes, Jonas,” Jack agreed, “it’s your turn ONCE IT STOPS JUMPING UP AND DOWN ON YES!” Jack looked up at the ceiling, waving his arms irritatedly. “I think we get the point, Great Spirit!”
The wood stopped moving, though Jonas still eyed it nervously. He cleared his throat and asked his question, hesitatingly. “Oh, Great Spirit, what are the odds I’m going to pass this last initiation test?”
Slowly, the planchette moved to ‘Good’. Jonas’ smile grew with its journey and he rubbed his hands together. “This is good news!”
Then they all watched the point of the planchette begin to turn clockwise until it pointed at the next word and trailed over to finally rest on the word ‘Bye’.
Jack smirked, the ice machine chuckled, both of Teal’c's eyebrows rose even higher, Carter harrumphed skeptically and Jonas’ face fell as his body slumped in despair. “Maybe not such good news,” he murmured despondently.
“I am next,” Teal’c announced. “Oh, Great Spirit, I demand you prove you are a great spirit and not the dick that Major Carter referred to.”
“Hey!” Jack objected. “Didn’t we say no more male genitalia questions?!”
“You specified Major Carter not use the terminology, O’Neill, not I.”
While Jack snarled about getting no respect, Teal’c smiled benignly, Carter looked under the coffee table for magnets and Jonas worriedly stared at the goodbye message. Suddenly, the candle on the table blew out and Jonas looked at the still closed window only to see the winds pick up and lightning crash in the distance.
“I think that’s your proof, Teal’c.” ‘Or at least I hope it is,’ Jonas thought as another shudder ran through him.
“Yeah, that’s impressive proof and all, but it could also be just a freak storm,” Jack sniped. “I’d like to see something a little more cut and dry closer to home. So, chop chop, Oh, Great Spirit!”
Carter eyed her commanding officer suspiciously. She hadn’t found any magnets, but everything was a little too pat and the way the colonel was speaking to the “Oh Great Spirit” was a bit too familiar…
The wind howled louder, the ice machine stopped chuckling, but now a new sound, a rustling and a creaking, took its place. Jonas thought he saw something floating towards the group. Lit by a lightning flare, it appeared to be metal. Accompanying the object was an eerie, repetitive snapping sound.
Part II
Sam turned at the sound and saw the same sight as Jonas, which appeared to be a pair of scissors floating through the air. She immediately looked for strings supporting the object but found none. Her brow crinkled and she turned to the colonel but saw his smirking attention was solely focused on Jonas, who sat nearly petrified, staring mutely at the approaching object. Before she could speak, the back door burst open and a strong wind blew out the remaining candles, plunging the room into darkness, the only flares of light coming from the streaks of lightning that still danced outside.
Everyone jumped up and Jonas’ eyes darted frantically around the darkened room for the floating metal object. He heard the snapping sound drawing closer and backed away. Another flash of lightning showed it seemed to be following him. He flattened himself against the wall behind him and everything became momentarily quiet, except his own gasping breaths. He heard one last, solitary snip too close and felt something brushing against his face. He reached up and pulled at it, and when the next flash of lightning lit the room, he saw his own hair in his palm and the scissors still floating menacingly near. Realizing the scissors really were after him, when the front door suddenly blew open, he took the opportunity to escape and ran screaming through it out into the night.
With Jonas’ exit, Carter flicked the lights on and Teal’c closed the doors, which was when they found the colonel still in his seat, no longer stifling his laughter.
The storm immediately ceased, nature’s natural sounds began anew and Jack wiped the tears from his eyes.
“You planned this all along, sir, but you couldn’t have done it alone,” Carter asserted with her hands on her hips.
“Indeed,” Teal’c agreed, tightlipped.
Carter turned her attention to the still-floating scissors. “How are you doing it, sir? I don’t see any strings.”
“You’re right; I’m not doing it with strings.”
A familiar voice from the area of the floating scissors called out. “Actually, Jack, you’re not doing it at all.”
“Daniel?” Carter said questioningly.
“Gig’s up, Daniel, plan worked,” Jack grinned. “Show yourself.”
A bright light formed in the living room, taking on the shape of their ascended friend, Daniel Jackson—still holding scissors. Daniel waved embarrassedly at Carter and Teal’c. “Hi, guys.” He then walked over to the coffee table and the scissors plunged point first into the Ouija board. “Alright, Jack, now we’re even.” With that, Daniel’s image dissolved and the bright mass disappeared instantly.
Jack looked up at the ceiling. “Just for the record, I am NOT a dick!”
“O’Neill, if this is, as you said, an initiation for Jonas Quinn, what has it proven?”
“Yeah, sir, I’d also like to know what this has proved. Other than the dick part, of course.”
Jack looked at Carter, wondering if he was being insulted or not, but then decided to let it slide and smiled. “Isn’t it obvious?” When the other two looked at him quizzically, he shrugged. “It proves he’s a wuss.”
The End
Sorry to all Jonas-fans
