Ghosts
by jackwabbit

Chapter One

Daniel Jackson woke with a start.

He was covered in a cold sweat, and he wasn’t sure where he was.

A strange, stringy substance covered most of his chest, and the room smelled of sweat and expensive wine.

He experimentally brushed some of the stringy substance away from his pectoral muscles and it fell away easily.

‘Thank God for that,’ thought Daniel, and he picked his head up a little to visually explore the room.

As he moved, the stringy stuff moved away from him, and a small noise was heard.

Daniel realized that a weight was also lifted off of his right shoulder.

He came fully awake instantly and rolled onto his right side, propping his head up on one arm.

As he saw that the stingy substance was actually a full head of black hair, his heart stopped in his chest.  Memories of the previous night bombarded his senses.

Dinner.

Wine.

A kiss.

More.

Much, much more.

He couldn’t stop his body’s natural response to his thoughts, but as he looked down on the still sleeping from of Vala Maldoran, Daniel began to panic.

Weak light was streaming through the small windows of the scene of the crime, a mid-range hotel downtown.  Daniel knew it was near dawn.

He wanted nothing more than to roll back over and return to slumber, if only to stop the thoughts swirling in his mind.  One part of him looked down on Vala with adoration and wonder and that part of him wanted her again.  But another part, a larger part, screamed out a system wide alert that he was insane to even be in this situation, and it squelched all desire from Daniel.

They’d said it wouldn’t affect their jobs, but he knew it would.

He knew this would screw everything up.

And more than that, he knew, deep down, he KNEW that because of this he would lose her.

Like he’d lost Sha’re.

Like he’d lost Sarah.

And like he’d lost Janet.

Daniel sighed and rolled back onto his back, away from Vala.

Vala stirred.  Her head found its way to his chest again.

Her breath tickled him and he squirmed.

Vala noticed and mumbled.

“Go back to sleep, Daniel.  It’s not even light out.”

Daniel tried valiantly to do her bidding, but he failed miserably.  His mind was roiling too fast for him to keep up, and an overpowering fear took up residence in his guts.

He couldn’t believe he had done this.

He couldn’t allow it to continue.

Nothing good would come of this; Daniel was certain of that.

Not only did it seem like this was a bad idea professionally (and probably personally), Daniel couldn’t stop thoughts of other women from intruding now.   ‘What kind of man thinks of others the moment he wakes next to a beautiful woman for the first time?’ thought Daniel.  ‘God!  What’s wrong with me?’

His frenzied brain could come up with only one way to diffuse this situation.

‘I have to pretend it was nothing,’ decided Daniel.  ‘A one-night stand.  The effects of the wine.  Whatever.  I can’t lose her like I did the others, and I know I will.  She’ll be mad, and it’ll hurt, but she’ll get over it.  It’s the only way.  I have to do this.’

Daniel wanted to do nothing of the sort, and nothing could have been further from the truth, but as guilt over the fates of his previous lovers overcame him, Daniel’s mood became such that his soul rivaled the darkest of nights.

As Vala realized her lover wasn’t going back to sleep and she started to wake more herself, her hand began to trace slow circles over Daniel’s abdomen.  Daniel allowed it for a moment, too caught up in his own world to respond.  But as his body once again remembered last night and began to respond to Vala’s touch, Daniel reacted with a violence that surprised him.

His hand flew to Vala’s and gripped it tightly.

A little too tightly.

Vala let out a surprised yelp and Daniel immediately let go, mumbling an apology.

“Sorry.  Just… stop.”

Vala was hurt and confused, and Daniel studiously avoided looking at her.  He didn’t think he could do what needed done if he saw any shred of hurt in her eyes.  Her voice was hard enough to hear as she wondered at his actions.

“Daniel?”

Daniel squirmed under the weight of Vala’s head and extricated himself from her as he rolled over to face away from her, but he didn’t answer.

A cold dread began to gnaw at Vala’s insides.  She tried again.

“Daniel?  Are you alright?”

Daniel’s voice was a little deeper than usual, but he did answer this time.  “I’m fine.  I just… just stop, okay?  I’ve got to get up.  I’ve got some things to do.”

Vala blinked a few times in surprise.  “What things?  It’s Saturday morning, and I know for a fact that you have the weekend off.  We’re on downtime, remember?”

Daniel shrugged.  “Just things, okay?”

Vala could throw Daniel much farther than she believed him.

“Daniel?  What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” murmured Daniel unconvincingly.

Vala smiled playfully then, deciding to ignore Daniel’s tone and her own intuition and believe his words.

“Good!  Then we can stay here for a bit longer then, huh?”

As she spoke, Vala began to nibble a bit on Daniel’s neck, just below his ear.

The results of her efforts were not exactly what she was hoping for.

Daniel shrugged her off viciously and climbed out of bed.

“Dammit, Vala!  I told you I needed to get up.  Leave it for once, would you?”

Vala blinked a few times in shocked surprised at Daniel’s vehemence and felt the hot sting of tears build up in her eyes.

“Alright.  I’m sorry.”

Daniel sighed as he found his jeans on the floor and pulled them on over his boxers.  He knew Vala didn’t have anything to apologize for and he felt like shit for doing what he was doing, but he just couldn’t shut off the panic button in his brain.

It was still telling him to run.  Run as fast as he could.  It wanted him to stop this now, before it was too late.  Before he got any more involved.  Before she got any more involved.  Before she left him.  Like everyone else he had ever cared about.

Daniel managed to kick the screaming little demon to the back of his brain for long enough to try to smooth things over a bit, but it was a half-hearted effort.

“Look, Vala.  Don’t apologize.  This isn’t what you think.  I just…”

Vala cut across Daniel, finally getting angry at him.

“This isn’t what, Daniel?  This isn’t you panicking and running away from me?  Let me tell you, it’s not what I would’ve liked to have happened this morning, that’s for sure!”

Vala crossed her arms and nearly pouted as she finished, and Daniel nearly wavered in his resolve.  But he couldn’t.  The demon was back, shouting at the top of its lungs for Daniel to go through with his plan, to save himself.

“Vala, look.  I’m sorry, ok?  I just… God!  This changes everything for us!  And I don’t know what to do about that, ok?  I… I just need a little time to think about this, ok?”

Vala gave Daniel a look that needed no translation and clearly said that she didn’t believe him.

“You don’t have to do anything, Daniel!  And what’s there to think about?  We agreed that we wouldn’t let this interfere with work, so what’s the problem?”

Daniel pulled his shirt over his head and looked imploringly at the woman in the bed.  “Vala, please.  It’s not that simple.  Just give me a little time to think, alright?”

Vala nodded with a stiff motion and sniffed once.  “Fine.”

Daniel leaned over toward her and planted a chaste kiss on her forehead.  “We can talk later.  Honest.”

Vala nodded again in the same stiff way and motioned to the door.  “Fine.”

Daniel hesitated for a moment, unsure and disbelieving of himself, then turned and left.

The hotel room door snapped shut with an audible click.

The click was followed by the quiet sounds of a woman trying not to cry.

A woman who failed miserably.

Vala Maldoran curled in on herself and wept like a child for the first time in a very long time.

She would’ve expected this behavior in herself until recently, but she had honestly thought that Daniel Jackson was different.  She had no inclination to pull stunts like he had done this morning anymore.

Not with him.

Apparently he had no such qualms about her.

And it hurt.

A lot.

The strong, self-reliant Vala suddenly remembered why she had become so self-reliant, and she laughed a bitter laugh around her tears.

A moment later, she stood, showered, dressed, and left the hotel behind.

Her moment of weakness over, Vala vowed to find out why Daniel had behaved as he had.

‘Could I have misjudged him that badly?’ wondered Vala.

Somehow, she didn’t think so.

Something was wrong, and she would find out what.

No one ditched Vala Maldoran and got away with it.

Not even Daniel Jackson.

Especially not Daniel Jackson.

Chapter Two

Cassandra Fraiser laughed loudly as she unlocked and swung open the door of the house she’d lived in most of her life.

The sound was beautiful to hear, alive and full of joy.  It spoke of the carefree innocence of youth and of burgeoning womanhood simultaneously.

It was a sound that normally brought smiles.

But for the man sitting on the couch in the dark of the house, it crashed into his ears with the gentleness of a battering ram, and he flinched.

Cassie hit the lights as she entered, just in time to see the flinch.

It was a testament to Cassie’s rather unique upbringing that she didn’t scream.

She didn’t gasp or react in any fashion that one would expect from a young woman who suddenly finds herself facing an unexpected man in her home in the middle of the night.

If her reaction was odd, it was also understandable.

For Cassandra had grown accustomed to strange things long ago, and she knew this man.

Daniel Jackson sat alone on the now-illuminated couch, blinking against the harsh light.

Cassie stared at Daniel in stunned silence for a moment, absorbing his presence and trying to read the expression on his face.  She failed miserably at first, but then Daniel’s eyes met hers for a fraction of a second, and a bottomless pain expanded in Cassie’s soul.

No words were said, but none were needed.

Cassie turned slowly around to face the young woman behind her.

“Hey, Jen.  I know I said you could crash here, but something’s come up.  I’ll call you a cab, ok?”

Jen, obviously inebriated, nodded with a goofy smile.  She couldn’t see Daniel from where she was, and Cassie was glad.  She steered her drunk friend to a bench just inside the door and reached for her cel phone.

Fifteen minutes later, a still quiet and motionless Daniel looked up at Cassie again.

Jen was gone.

Cassie had stayed with her friend until the cab had come to collect her.  Jen was too far gone to argue much and merely complied when Cassie sent her home.

All the while Daniel had sat, unmoving, in the living room.

Cassie had no idea why he was here, and she could tell from his body language that something was wrong, but she could also tell that he wasn’t in the mood to deal with an underage professional drinker, either, so Cass ignored Daniel until Jen was gone.

The moment the door clicked shut behind Jen, however, Cassandra rounded on Daniel.

“Daniel!  What are you doing here?  Is everyone ok?”

Cassie was worried sick that something had happened to Sam or Teal’c or Uncle Jack.

Daniel sighed heavily and took a deep breath before answering.  When he spoke, Cassie had to listen closely to even hear him.  His voice was exceptionally quiet.

“Everyone’s ok, Cass.  Sorry I frightened you.  I didn’t expect you to be here.”

Cassie scoffed.  “It’s my house.  I could say the same thing for you.”

Daniel lowered his gaze to the floor and kept it there.  “I know.  I’m sorry.  I’ll go.”

Lines of concern etched themselves into Cassie’s face at Daniel’s words.  She sat next to Daniel on the couch and laid a hand on his arm then spoke quietly back to him.

“No, it’s ok.  You’re welcome anytime.  I just… what are you doing here?”

It was silent a long time in the house.

The clock on the mantle loudly let the passing of seconds be known.

Fabric rustled as Daniel shifted his weight.

Finally, an audible swallow preceeded three words.

Daniel Jackson spoke with a voice so full of tortured pain that Cassie’s eyes filled with tears at the sound of it.  Her soul was rent in two by the anguish she heard and her own pain raised exponentially.

“I missed her.”

Cassie blinked, and a lone tear traveled down her cheek.

Daniel noticed, and seemed to come back to himself, but he still didn’t move.

“Oh, God.  I’m sorry, Cass.  I shouldn’t be here.  I’m so sorry.  Don’t cry.”

Cassie sniffed once and wiped at her wet cheek.  “It’s ok, Daniel.  I told you.  You’re welcome anytime.  I just… sometimes I miss her too.”

Daniel nodded.  “I know.”

“That’s why I kept the house, you know.”

Daniel nodded again.  “I know.”

“It was paid for, and she left it to me.  I thought about selling it, especially as I’m off to college now, but there was too much of her here.  I couldn’t bear to part with it.”

Daniel nodded a third time.  “I know.”

Cassie looked at Daniel closely as his last response met her ears.  She took in his appearance for the first time.  He was disheveled.  Daniel was rarely disheveled.  He looked like he’d been sleeping in his clothes and the dark circles under his eyes spoke of a lack of sleep.  His eyes were haunted and empty looking.  And to top it off, he’d just responded to her with a two word sentence.

Three times.

The same two word sentence.

And suddenly Cassie was worried.

A Daniel Jackson that spoke in two word sentences was a Daniel Jackson that was NOT ok.

Cassie wasn’t sure what to do or say to help Daniel, so she tried to just get him talking again.

“So… um… how’d you get in, anyway?”

Daniel smiled a bittersweet smile.

“I had a key.”

Cass smiled back.  “I know that, Daniel.”

Daniel’s eyes grew wide in realization at Cassie’s words.

Cassandra laughed a tiny sarcastic laugh at his expression.  “I was young, not stupid.  And I never changed the locks.  I knew how you got in tonight.”

“Then why’d you ask?”  queried Daniel, somewhat annoyed.

“To get you talking to me.  Come on, Daniel.  What’s wrong?”

Daniel shrugged.  “It’s nothing.”

“I’m not buying that.  You say everyone else is fine, but I can see that you’re not.  What’s going on?”

Daniel sighed and shrugged again.  “I don’t know.  I don’t know why I’m here.  I… wait a minute.  What are you doing here?”

Cassie laughed.  “I think we’ve established that it’s my house.  I came home for the weekend.”

“Who was that with you?”

“Roommate’s friend.  She had a bit much to drink.”

Daniel nodded.  “I could see that.”

“But I didn’t, Daniel, and I still want to know what’s going on.”

Daniel was seeming more himself, but Cassie could still see the ghosts of pain in his eyes, and they ripped at her heart.  She spoke again, almost pleading.

“Daniel… I need to know… are you ok?”

Daniel laughed out loud then, but there was no joy in the sound.  It was as if something inside of him came loose and released a torrent of emotions.  Cassie stared at the man she considered a friend and mentor in stunned silence.  Daniel’s laugh lasted only a few seconds.

Then the words came.

They were words Daniel hadn’t said before.

Words he’d held in for so long he didn’t even know they were still there.

“Am I ok?  Damned if I know, Cass!  I don’t know anything.  I can’t even figure out how to stop it!  No matter what I do, it just keeps going!  Over and over again!”

Cassie was lost.

“What are you talking about?”

Daniel stood and began to pace.  He was laughing again, almost hysterically.  “How can you not know?  I killed your mom, Cass!  Just like I killed Sha’re!”

Cassandra wasn’t a large woman, but she was strong from endless days of sports, and she used her strength now without reservation.  She wasn’t afraid as she stood up to Daniel.  She stepped into his path and shoved him hard in the chest.  As she did, her hands stayed in place to grab fistfuls of his tee-shirt and hold him in place.

Daniel responded to her actions with complete shutdown.

He froze in place and stared at Cassie as if seeing her for the first time.  His mouth moved vaguely as if he wanted to speak, but no sound came.

Cassie met his eyes and stared back, determination showing in her expression.

After a moment, Cassandra spoke in measured, careful notes.

“Daniel,  I’m only going to say this once.  I’m not a child anymore, and I want you to listen to me.  Ok?”

Daniel nodded mutely, in awe of the woman before him.  Cassie continued.

“A Gould killed my mother.  A Gould took Sha’re from you.  A Jaffa killed Janet Fraiser, a woman we both loved.  You did nothing.  None of those things are your fault.”

“But I was there,” interrupted Daniel.

Cass sighed.  “Yeah, you were.  But that’s all.  Being there doesn’t make you guilty of anything.”

“I should’ve stopped them.”

Cassie began to feel the first flames of anger building inside her.  “Yeah, you and what army?  There was nothing you could do, Daniel!”

“I know.  But this time there was.”

Suddenly, Cassie’s anger fled.  It its place was pure incomprehension.  Daniel kept speaking quietly, under his breath.

“I should’ve seen it coming.  I should’ve stopped her.”

Cassandra shook her head in confusion.  “What are you talking about?”

Daniel just kept muttering to himself, not registering Cassie at all.

“But I was weak.  I didn’t want to stop her.  So I didn’t.”

The two friends were still standing in the middle of the living room floor as this conversation played out.  Cassie’s hands were still on Daniel’s shoulders.  She shook him.  Hard.

Daniel blinked a few times, noticing Cassie again.   When he replayed his last few words in his head, he snapped his jaw shut, as if he’d already said more than he meant to.  He determinedly looked anywhere other than at Cassie for a moment, but inevitably his eyes met hers.  He mumbled an apology.

“I’m sorry, Cass.  I shouldn’t have come here.  I didn’t think you’d be here.  We shouldn’t be having this conversation.”

Cassie sighed and let go of Daniel.  “Maybe you’re right, Daniel, but the fact is that you did and we are.  Now, what happened to do this?  Mom’s been dead three years now, and never once in that time have you come here and grieved.  I expected it for a while-like I said, I’m not stupid.  I know you and Mom were, um… a bit more than friends.  But you never came after the funeral.  You stayed away.  I thought it was easier for you that way, so I let it go.  And now, all of a sudden, you’re here?  What happened?”

Daniel sighed and flopped onto the couch again.  He hesitated, then five words seemed to drag themselves from his chest against his will.

“Vala.  I let her in.”

Chapter Three

It wasn’t every day that Vala Maldoran showed up on Samantha Carter’s doorstep.

In fact, to Sam’s knowledge, it had never happened before.

So when Sam opened her door after a loud series of knocks roused her from sleep to reveal Vala standing on her porch, every warning light Sam had went off.  SG-1 rarely had an actual weekend off, and Sam had intended to make full use of this one, but somehow she knew that wasn’t to be.

The look on Vala’s face said that this was no pleasure call.

Her brisk words confirmed that within seconds.

“I want to know what happened to Daniel.”

Sam blinked sleep from her eyes.

“What?”

“I want to know what happened to Daniel.”

“Nice to see you, too, Vala.  What are you talking about?  Daniel?  What about him?”

“I want to know what happened to him.”

“What are you talking about?  As far as I know he’s at home enjoying the weekend off, like I was.  And you do know it‘s nearly midnight, right?”

Vala ignored the hint about her intrusion and pushed past Sam into the house as she continued talking.

“He’s not at home.  I tried there.”

Sam’s forehead creased in mild concern, then relaxed.

“Well, he could be anywhere.  Did you try to call him?  Why do you need him anyway?”

Vala sighed.  “I did try to call him.  I can’t reach him.  And why I need him isn’t why I came over.  I want to know what happened to him.”

Sam started to move past annoyed at Vala to angry.  “What the hell are you talking about, Vala?  What do you mean ‘what happened to him’?  How do you know anything happened to him?  I agree it’s odd that you can’t reach him, but there could be any number of explanations for that.  How long has it been, anyway?”

Vala sighed and sank into Sam’s couch.  Sam grimaced slightly as all thoughts of sleep fled.

“Sam, I don’t mean what happened to him today.  I mean what happened to him in general.  Why would he run from me?”

Sam pursed her lips.  She didn’t pretend to not know what Vala was talking about.  She had long suspected that the games Vala played with Daniel were not just for fun.  Somewhere the fun had come to mean something for Vala, and it was her way of flirting with Daniel.  Daniel, for his part, tried to be annoyed with Vala, but Sam could often tell that her antics, while far from what Daniel would consider appropriate sometimes, amused him greatly.  Sam thought that a genuine affection had grown between the two over the years they had been teammates.

She liked to tease Daniel about it, but she never thought she would be discussing it seriously with anyone, least of all Vala.  Sam thought it would always be a game.  Vala’s words today made her think that her assumptions were wrong in that regard.

Sam couldn’t think of anything to say, so she merely shrugged and sat on the opposite end of the couch from Vala.

Vala pinned her with a glare that would have melted lesser women, then spoke plainly.

“Now, Colonel Carter, I happen to know that you are very good friends with the good doctor, and I have a feeling that you know a good deal more than I do about his past.  I just want to know why he’s so scared.  Is that so much to ask?”

“I think you should ask Daniel.”

Vala sighed.  “I did.  He wouldn’t answer me.  Then he left.  I’m not accustomed to being left in bed, Sam.  And I want to know why.”

Sam’s eyebrows hit her hairline as realization dawned.  “Oh.”

Vala sighed again.  “Exactly.”

Sam was quiet a long time, not sure what to do or say.  She didn’t want to betray Daniel’s trust, but she felt like she needed to offer Vala something.  She was spared talking when Vala broke the silence.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen.  I don’t think he did, either.  It just did.  And now, I’m afraid that it might really mess things up.”

Sam sighed.   She knew this line of thinking all too well.   “It’s a possibility.”

“I know,” admitted Vala.  “It’s just that everything seemed okay, you know?  We had a nice night out, had a few drinks, one thing led to another… we even talked about it.  Made sure we were ok with it.  And it was fine-really.  But this morning… ”

Sam winced.  “Daniel panicked?”

Vala nodded.  “You could say that.  God, I shouldn’t be telling you this.  It’s just that I can’t find him and I don’t know what to do, and I really want to know a few things.”

“Vala, I’m not going to betray his trust.”

“I know, and I don’t want you to, really.  I just want to know that it wasn’t me.”

“You know I can’t say that for sure.  Only Daniel can.  But I can tell you that Daniel has his share of baggage.  He hides it pretty well most of the time, but it’s there.”

Vala snorted.  “I know, and let’s face it, I’m no prize in that department, either, but I just never expected this of Daniel.  He doesn’t strike me as the type.  This is more my routine.  And to be unavailable all day?  He left this morning, Sam!”

“Yeah, well, the world’s a funny place, Vala.  Let’s see if we can’t find our boy and then you can just talk to him about it, huh?”

Vala nodded.  “Sure, but I’ve already looked all over for him.”

“Where did you go?”

“Well, all over the base, of course-his lab, his quarters, blah, blah, blah.  Then I checked his house.  His car isn’t in either place, so… anyway… he won’t answer his cellular phone, either.”

Sam thought for a moment, then seemed to strike upon an idea.  Her face lit for a second, then fell again.  Vala noticed.

“What?”

“Well, I thought, maybe… but no, he wouldn’t go there.”

“Where?”

Sam hesitated, unsure if she should say, but decided that Vala deserved it.  Good friend or not, if Daniel had really run off and left Vala in the morning, the woman deserved to find him and find out why.  Sam took a deep breath, then spoke quietly.

“Did you try Janet’s?”

Vala’s brow furrowed in confusion.  “Where?”

Sam sighed.  Vala didn’t know about Janet.  That complicated matters.

“Janet’s.  Doctor Fraiser’s.”

Recognition lit Vala’s eyes.  “Oh, the SGC doctor who was killed in battle a few years ago.  I read about that in the mission reports.”

Sam bit her lower lip as grief over Janet’s death washed over her.  This would not be easy.  Sam heaved a deep, ragged sigh.  Vala seemed to notice Sam’s discomfort and queried in a whisper.

“You were close to her?”

Sam nodded, looking away.  After a second, however, she regained her composure and looked Vala right in the eyes.

“You didn’t read everything in the mission reports.”

Vala sighed.  “Why am I not surprised?”

Sam shrugged.  “Well, there’s no secret cover up or anything like that, but the report doesn’t give the details of the situation.  Daniel was with Janet when she died.”

Vala seemed nonplussed by this information.  “And?  Daniel’s seen death before.”

Sam sighed again.  “Yes, he has.  On both sides of battle.  But we were all very close to Janet.  She was our friend, not just our doctor.  None of us would be here if not for her, and we were all more like family than anything.  I miss her every day.  And Daniel, well… Daniel keeps quiet, but I know he does, too.  They were close, closer than friends.  And she died right in front of him.  There were other things, too, but Daniel was pretty shaken up for a while.  Like I said, they were close.”

Sam’s voice trailed off, and Vala’s next question was barely a whisper.

“Lovers?”

Sam chuckled.  “I don’t know, honestly.  I wouldn’t be surprised.  But it’s not my place to say.  I only know they were very close.  They supported each other, especially when Cassie was younger.  We all helped out, but I know Daniel watched Cass a bunch.  You know, stuff like that.”

Vala nodded, absorbing this information.

“And by Cassie you mean Cassandra, Doctor Fraiser’s adopted daughter, correct?  The sole survivor of her planet?”

Sam nodded, and Vala continued.

“I see.  Why would Daniel go to her house?”

“We’re all still close to Cassie.  She still keeps up the house here in the Springs.  Maybe Daniel just wanted to not be found for a while.  He probably knew you wouldn’t know to go there.”

Vala snorted a laugh.  “And he counted on me not enlisting help.”

Sam nodded.  “I wouldn’t have guessed it.”

“All the same, I appreciate it.  Will you take me to see if he’s at her house, Sam?  Obviously, I don’t know where it is.”

Sam hesitated.

“I just want to make sure he’s okay, Sam.  He was upset when he left.  Please?”

The genuine concern in Vala’s voice made Sam’s decision.

“Ok.  But let’s call first.  You never know.  He might answer.”

Sam picked up the phone and dialed without thought, a fact that didn’t escape Vala.  She mentally noted that Samantha Carter still knew her friend’s phone number three years after her death.  ‘God,’ thought Vala, ‘how can I compete with a ghost?’

Chapter Four

The phone rang.

It was loud in the quiet house.

Daniel and Cassandra both jumped as if they’d been prodded with a live wire.

Cassie recovered first, and after realizing what the sound was, she stood and cross to the phone in the kitchen.

She answered it on the third ring as Daniel’s head hung low between his knees.

“Hello?”

Samantha Carter’s voice came through the line clearly.  “Cassandra?”

Cassie smiled.  “Oh, hey, Sam.”

Daniel’s head picked up as these words left Cassie’s mouth and a look of concern entered his eyes.  Sam wasted no time over her surprise at Cassie’s being there before asking Cassandra point blank if a certain archeologist was there.  Cassie’s next words turned the concern in Daniel’s eyes to resignation and put his head back between his knees.  His hands came up to clasp behind his head and he sighed loudly.

“Yeah, he’s here.”

Sam’s voice was relieved.  “Ok, keep him there, Cass.  I’ll be right over.”

“Do you want to talk to him?” asked Cassie, and Daniel’s head popped up again in alarm.  Daniel shook his head ‘no’, but Cassandra ignored him.

Sam hesitated, then declined.  “No, it’s ok, Cass.  Just keep him there, ok?”

Cassie nodded.  “I can do that.”

“Alright.  I’ll be right there.”  Sam hung up.

Cassie set the phone back in its cradle and looked at Daniel again.

He stared back at her for a moment, then dropped his head to his chest.

After a moment, he mumbled a question.

“She’s on her way, isn’t she?”

Cassie nodded.  “Yeah.”

Daniel’s eyebrows lifted, then fell, and a sarcastic smile played across his face.

“Great.”

It was quiet for a few seconds, then Daniel barked out a rough laugh and spoke again.

“And you’re supposed to keep me here, aren’t you?”

Cassie nodded mutely.

Daniel’s smile took on a conspiratorial glint as he looked at the young woman before him.

“No chance you’ll let that part slide?”

Cassie shook her head.  Daniel nodded slightly and looked away from her.

“Didn’t think so.”

Cassie stood rooted in place and stared at him.  He reminded her far too much of another man she knew, and it was unnerving.  Finally, she blinked a few times and found her voice.

“Well, it’s not like I could stop you if you really wanted to go, Daniel.”

Daniel grinned.  “I don’t know, Cass, you packed a pretty good shove earlier.”

Cassie laughed and crossed the room to sit beside Daniel again on the couch.  “Sorry about that.”

Daniel waved off her apology.  “Don’t worry about it.  I probably deserved it.”

“True,” agreed Cassie.

“Hey!” protested Daniel.

Cassie playfully swatted Daniel on the arm.  “Well, you did!  You said it yourself!”

Daniel shrugged.  “Yeah, well, you know…”

Cassie’s eyebrows knit together.  “Actually, I don’t know, Daniel.  You still haven’t told me what’s going on.  What‘s Vala got to do with this?”

The easy comfort that had built up between the two friends dissolved like sugar in hot water.  Daniel’s eyes became hooded and dark again, and Cassie was forcefully reminded of Jack O’Neill for the second time in five minutes.

Daniel was trying to hold something in.  He was trying to deny his soul.  Cassie had seen Daniel do this a few times before, just as she’d seen Jack do it countless times.

But Daniel had never been as good at it as Cassie’s other uncle.

And Cassie knew it.

She thought for a moment before her next move, almost wondering if she should do it.

Then she bit the bullet and plowed ahead.

Her hand was still on Daniel’s arm, and she tightened her fingers slightly to get his attention.

“Daniel.”

He didn’t answer.

Cassie didn’t care.

“You like her, don’t you?”

Daniel shrugged and tried to play off Cassie’s comment as a joke.

“Who?”

Cassie laughed out loud.  “Vala.  Who else, Daniel?”

Daniel looked away from Cassie forcefully, willing her to stop speaking.

She didn’t.

“Daniel, I’m not blind.  I’ve seen you with her.  I know there’s something going on.  The play isn’t play anymore, is it?”

Daniel stood suddenly, shaking off Cassie’s hand.

Cassie smiled a tiny little self-satisfied grin.  She knew she was right now.

Daniel, once on his feet, seemed to not know what to do with his body.  He walked two steps in one direction, then three in another.  He turned in place.  His hands and arms made vague gestures in the air.  One hand ran through his hair while another was hugged to his chest.

As Cassandra watched him, an infinite sadness grew in her heart.

Cassie spoke after a second.  Her voice was so soft that even Teal’c might have missed her words on a windy day.  But somehow, Daniel heard her.

“Don’t do this again.”

Daniel’s body stilled.  He became a statue.  Even his breathing seemed to end.

The room was frozen in time for an eternal moment.

And then, ever so slowly, Daniel’s head turned toward Cassie.  He was facing away from her, and he looked at her over one shoulder.  His expression was unreadable, but it seemed to be some sort of mixture of surprise, guilt, fear, and anger.

Cassie met Daniel’s sidelong gaze without blinking.

Her eyes bored into his as both brown and blue orbs filled slightly with unshed tears.

Daniel swallowed loudly, then spoke in a thick voice.

“Cassie, what the hell are you talking about?”

Cassandra stood and came around to stand in front of Daniel.  Daniel’s eyes tracked her as she moved, but his head remained stationary.

Cassie stepped into Daniel’s personal space and ducked down a bit to look him right in the eye at close range.

“You know what I’m talking about, Daniel.”

Daniel blinked a few times in confusion.  “No, I really don’t…”

Cassie interrupted him. “Oh, yes, you do.”

Daniel’s eyes widened, as Cassandra reminded him forcefully of her adoptive mother.  As soon as Janet sprang into his mind, Daniel’s eyes squeezed shut to try to block out her image.

It didn’t work.

And Cassandra knew it.

“Daniel, I know you loved my mom.” Cassie voice was sympathetic and caught in her throat.  She paused for a fraction of a second, then continued.

“But I also know you didn’t love her like you could have.”

Daniel’s eyes stayed shut, but the muscles of his neck and jaw flinched a little in response to Cassie’s words.  Cass kept going, needing to have her say.

“You never let go of Sha’re, Daniel.  I don’t know everything that happened to you and her, but I know you think it was your fault, even though it wasn’t.”

Daniel’s eyes opened and his mouth began to protest, but Cassie cut him off.

“It wasn’t, Daniel.  And your guilt over her and the fact that you couldn’t let her go kept you from getting as close to mom as you might have been.  You guys were great together, Daniel.  And I don’t think either one of you had any complaints about how things were, but…”

A loud knock on the door startled both Cassandra and Daniel and Cassie’s next words died in her throat.  Two heads whipped around to look at the front door.  Sam’s voice came through the wood urgently.

“Cassie?  Daniel?  You ok?”

Daniel moved to let Sam in, but Cassie’s hand on his arm stopped him.

“Daniel.  Wait.  They can wait a minute.”

Daniel’s blue eyes bored into Cassie’s brown ones with a thousand questions.

“Be more, Daniel.”  Cassie’s voice was a whisper.

The questions in Daniel’s eyes intensified for a moment, then cleared.

Cassie nodded.

“Yes, Daniel.  Be more.”

Daniel smiled a tentative smile and blinked a few times at Cassie.

Cassie smiled back.  Hers was a whimsical, beautiful expression of understanding.

The knock outside repeated itself.

Cassie left Daniel in the living room and moved to the door.

As she reached for the handle, she turned back to face Daniel.  Her face asked if Daniel was ready for this.

Daniel took a deep breath and nodded.

Cassie smiled, nodded back, and breathed two sentences to Daniel.

“Let her go, Daniel.  It’s ok.”

And with those six magic words, Cassandra Fraiser stepped out the door and onto her porch.

She met Samantha Carter and one very pissed off alien woman there.

Two minutes later, Vala Maldoran stepped into Cassandra Fraiser’s house and found Daniel standing where Cassie had left him.

When Vala saw him, some of the fight left her.

When he stepped to her and folded his arms around her, some more left.

And when he uttered two simple words, the rest fled like snow in the face of a blistering sun.

Daniel held Vala as if his life depended on it for a full five seconds before the words came, but come they did.  They came in a voice tinged with tears and loaded with pain.

And Vala accepted them.  Her anger would return later, and she and Daniel would fight many battles in the not so distant future, but for now, she accepted them.

“I’m sorry.”

Daniel’s words were simultaneously not nearly enough and more than what was needed.

Vala nodded against Daniel’s neck and he understood.

He understood that she forgave him.

And in a moment of startling clarity, he realized that so did they.

Janet.

Sha’re.

He knew he would never completely vanquish their ghosts from his memory.

But perhaps he didn’t have to.

Perhaps he could learn to live with them.  To keep them close to him, in that hidden, golden part of his soul that was reserved only for a special few.

And just maybe there was room for one more.

Just one more.

Only time would tell.

Epilogue

A twenty-something woman sat in a booth at an all-night diner with a nearly forty-something woman.

They talked easily with each other.

They seemed like close friends, maybe even sisters, but they could have even been mother and daughter.

Their waitress came by and dropped a huge hot fudge sundae on the table in front of the pair.

The younger brunette smiled and thanked the waitress.

The older blonde smiled, too, then turned to her companion.

“So, how’ve you been?”

Cassandra Fraiser looked at Samantha Carter for a moment as she sucked on her sundae spoon.

“Ok,” she finally answered noncommittally.

Sam nodded and took a minute to compose her response, as ice cream melted in her mouth.

When her bite of dessert had dissolved, Sam shrugged.  “Just ok?”

Cassie smiled.  “Yeah.   You know, school, work, school, work…”

Sam looked at the younger woman and smiled back.  “I understand that.”

Cassie smiled wider.  “Yeah, right.  Like you don’t like it that way.”

Sam nodded her agreement but didn’t speak.

After a few minutes, in which the volume of ice cream between the two women rapidly diminished, Cassandra spoke again.

“This place is great.  I’m glad we found it.”

Sam agreed.  “Yeah.  That was a night, wasn’t it?”

Cassie nodded.  “I’ll say.  I still don’t know how I didn’t pee my pants when I walked in and found Daniel in my living room like that.”

“No doubt,” mumbled Sam around another bite of ice cream.

“Still,” said Cassandra thoughtfully, “I’m glad it worked out.  Mom would want Daniel to be happy.”

“Yeah, I think she would, Cass.  I’m glad Daniel and Vala are working things out.”

A wicked gleam came into Cassie’s eye as Sam spoke.  She licked her spoon clean of the last bit of sundae and grinned mischievously at Sam across the table.

Sam noticed her look and her face her confused.  “What?”

Cassie’s grin grew.  “Oh, nothing.  Just wondered how Uncle Jack was doing.”

Sam spewed out a great laugh and pulled her coat over her shoulders.

“That’s none of your business, young lady.  Come on, it’s late.  Let’s go.”

Cassie pouted for a moment, then followed Sam’s lead and stood, pulling on her coat as she did.

“Spoilsport.”

Sam laughed and paid the cashier, then sauntered out the door.

Twenty minutes later, Sam dropped Cassandra off at home.

Sam watched until Cassie was inside, then drove off into the night.

As Cassie shut the door, her foot slipped on the tile of the entryway.

Cassie looked down and  discovered that the slip was caused by an envelope.  It had been pushed through the mail slot in her door.

This envelope had no writing on the outside.

It hadn’t been delivered by the postal service.

But something made Cassandra pick it up and carry it over to the couch.

Cassie sat on the couch and opened the letter carefully.

Inside was a single sheet of paper, carefully folded.

As the paper revealed itself, writing Cassandra would have recognized anywhere met her eyes.

Cassie smiled.

Her smile grew as she read the note over and over.

Cassandra Fraiser’s eyes grew wet as she read, and eventually tears of overwhelming emotion flowed down her face.

Later, as she readied herself for bed, Cassie finally refolded the letter.

She gently tucked it back into its envelope and kissed the seal lightly.

Then she smiled as she carried it with her to bed.

Just before she climbed under the covers, she set the letter on her nightstand.

It sat upright, supported by a picture frame.

A frame that held the image of an auburn haired Napoleonic power monger.

Cassandra smiled as she turned out the light and closed her eyes.

She smiled as she started to drift to slumber.

Just before she slept, her smile grew, and she mumbled a thought to the stars.

Thank you, Daniel.  I’m proud of you, too.

The End