Coast of Carolina
by jackwabbit

Author’s Note: I began this in the mid-season ten hiatus here in the States, so in my mind it occurs after the events of, oh, ‘Company of Thieves’? Thus begins the AU.

Chapter One

The doors to the emergency room crashed open with a bang. A gurney rolled through, flanked on either side by two paramedics, busily working on the woman between them. Tubes and bags and all manner of plastic extended out from her like some sort of growing vines. Orders were shouted and doctors and nurses flew out of nowhere to take over for the weary EMTs.

“Give me the basics, Erik.” The doctor who was obviously in charge of the ER ran over to this newest arrival. He was wearing light blue scrubs with the simple name of ‘Rusty’ embroidered on one pocket, and he immediately questioned one of the paramedics, a big sandy haired fellow.

Erik Crane was no rookie EMT, and he answered with practiced ease. “Motorcycle accident up on the mountain. Don’t know much except that she’s got multiple fractures of the legs. Can tell that by looking at them. And she’s fading fast. Suspect abdominal hemorrhage. Cap refill is shit, and color matches those sheets she’s on. Positive blood on belly tap. Got two units LRS and one unit O neg in her already. One dose dex IV. Large bore ports both arms. Unconscious at the scene. Unable to arouse thus far, but no codes on the way in. Pulse is rapid and weak, but stable. Breathing fine, oddly enough. Had a helmet on, and it was intact, so cranial trauma probably not too bad. I think it’s shock and blood loss on this one. Good thing on the helmet, or we’d be filling out fatality papers, but still doesn’t look good.”

“I’ll be the judge of that, Erik.” The doctor was possessed of the usual arrogance that came with emergency work, and Erik was used to his dismissals. The paramedic shot a knowing smirk at the physician’s back and wished the woman on the gurney luck. He knew she would need it, regardless of what old Rusty said. Erik had worked his share of trauma scenes, and this one was as bad as it got for those that made it to the hospital and not the morgue. As he turned to sign a few forms and head back into the streets for the night, a voice turned him back around briefly.

“Oh, one more thing, Erik.” Rusty called back over his shoulder as he examined his new patient.

“Yeah, doc?”

“You got a name on this? Or are we running as a Jane Doe?”

“Carter, doc. Samantha Carter. Air Force ID.”

Chapter Two

If there was one thing Richard ‘Rusty’ Kite hated, it was working on soldiers. He’d done a stint as an Army medic back in Vietnam, and while things stateside were a vast improvement over what he’d had to deal with there, he still saw the same kinds of injuries sometimes, and it took him back to a time he tried to forget. As an attending doctor in a busy emergency room these days, Rusty saw his share of brutalized human bodies, and most were civilians now, but sometimes a soldier still came his way, and when he knew his patient was someone who was serving, their injuries affected him just a little bit more. The woman in front of him didn’t look like a soldier, but he knew that she was, and he was all the more determined to save her because of it.

“Get me a surgical consult STAT. Full chems and rads. Let’s go, people. I want this woman upstairs within ten minutes. Find me a surgeon and a room. Now!”

He didn’t need to order his team to do any of this. The well trained nurses zipped around like flies over a choice piece of offal, and they knew their jobs. The barely contained chaos resulted in full body films of the patient within minutes. More tubes were put in more places, and a surgeon in green scrubs flew onto the scene like a whirlwind just the last x-rays were coming up on the digital monitors that recorded them.

“What’s the verdict, Rusty?” The surgeon, Dr. Youngblood, asked with interest.

“Looks like multiple pelvic fractures, the right femur, the left tibia…legs are trashed. Nothing that can’t wait, though, from the looks of it…at least for a bit. Biggest worry is the belly. I think we have a bleed. Probably splenic. Rads aren’t diagnostic, but ultrasound shows a probable gusher. Lots of fluid in there. Tap is straight blood. Chest is fine, oddly enough, at this point. Contusions, but nothing too serious. Breathing fine. Skull appears to be intact. Can’t tell if there’s a bleed there or not without CT, but that will take some time. Patient is unconscious, not anesthetized, at this point.”

The surgeon looked over at the gurney at just that moment. “Um…Rust…not quite.”

At that moment, Samantha Carter decided to make an attempt at waking up. She stirred. Immediately, a nurse was at her side, laying firm but gentle hands on her shoulders.

Strong dark hands held Carter down as she moved her head side to side and tried to get her bearings. The nurse leaned into Carter’s face and spoke clearly to her patient. “Ma’am, do you know your name? Do you know where you are?”

It was slow in coming, but a response came. Sam‘s eyes focused on the nurse for just a second, and she answered. “Ca…Carter. Wrecked the bike.”

“We’re lucid, doctors!”

Dr. Youngblood didn‘t need anything more to go on for now. “Good. Prep her for surgery and get her upstairs. OR 3 just cleared. We need to cut her now or we’ll lose her from hemorrhage. Get me an orthopod for a consult, and get an in-suite radiology team up there for further imaging. We’re going to need it. Get 3 units of type specific blood on standby.”

With only those terse orders, the surgeon quickly turned and headed to an elevator, knowing full well that by the time he changed, scrubbed, and otherwise prepared for surgery, his patient would be waiting for him in an operating room.

Several hours later, a woman was rolled into the trauma ICU. She was pale and her abdomen sported a long surgical incision closed with staples, making her look like she was wearing a sort of human suit with a zipper in the front, but she was alive. She would wake after several more hours of sleep, and would find out her ordeal was just beginning. She and the TICU staff would get to know each other very well over the next few weeks.

Chapter Three

Daniel Jackson sat in the waiting room and…waited. It had been 18 hours since Sam had been admitted to this hospital, and there wasn’t much else he could do. He’d been given the most recent updates from Sam’s doctors only 30 minutes ago, and he had visited the TICU briefly. Things didn’t look great for Sam, but she was alive, and that was all that mattered right now. Daniel knew that somehow Sam would find a way to get through this. He constantly reminded himself that she’d been through worse. She had to get through this. The alternative was not an option in Daniel’s mind. He tried not to think of all the things that could still go wrong as he fought against the boredom and frustration that came with waiting on doctors.

Doctors. With one very notable exception, Daniel had never been very keen on doctors, and waiting around for one to bring news of a loved one was excruciating. However, that nervousness seemed like child’s play compared to the anxiety Daniel was feeling now as he waited for his next expected visitor.

Daniel now had the unenviable task of waiting not on a doctor (he knew they wouldn’t be around again for about 6 hours) or even a nurse, but on Jack O’Neill. His former CO had jumped the first flight he could find to Colorado from Washington when he heard of Sam’s accident.

Daniel sighed. He still couldn’t get over the accident itself. It wasn’t supposed to be this way. He leaned his head back to rest against the wall behind his chair for just a minute, trying hard not to think too much…and slipped into an exhausted oblivion.

BANG!

Daniel woke with a start. He realized quickly that the bang that had awakened him was made by the impact of a door against a wall. The door had been thrown open by none other than General Jack O’Neill. Jack’s eyes were wildly scanning the waiting area for something. When they found Daniel, they stopped moving, and Jack’s body came toward him with speed that rivaled anything a locomotive could do. At least it seemed that way to Daniel.

“Jack.” Daniel stood to meet the slightly taller man.

Jack completely ignored the greeting and came out with all that mattered to him. “How bad?”

“Jack, I think you should sit down.”

“How bad?”

“Jack why don’t we go somewhere a little more private?”

“Daniel, how bad? They wouldn‘t tell me…how bad?”

Jack O’Neill seemed incapable of saying anything else at the moment, and it was obvious that he wasn’t going anywhere or doing anything until he got the information he wanted.

Daniel reluctantly gave in. “Alright fine, have it your way.”

“Daniel…”

“Ok. First off, she’s stable at the moment. They’re still worried about potential hemorrhage, but at this point, there appears to be no immediate danger except the possibility of a blood clot causing issues. She’s got multiple fractures of both legs and her pelvis. She has some sort of neurologic damage to her lower limbs. No spinal fractures or obvious disc problems, but something is going on that is interfering with sensation and motor functions in her legs. They don’t know if it’s just swelling or what at this point. Could also be that the broken bones in her pelvis are putting pressure on things they aren’t supposed to and interfering somehow.”

“So they can fix that, right?”

“Um…from what I understand, yes to the broken bones, but they don’t know about the nerve thing. At this point, they’re not even sure what’s causing it, so…and they are still being cautious. She’s still fragile from blood loss and surgery and…”

“Daniel, what are you saying? Bottom line this for me.” Jack had sat down since this conversation had started, and Daniel now followed his lead and took the chair across from his. Jack did not look at all well. He was pale, holding his head in his hands, and quite frankly looked like he needed to throw up. Daniel was worried about how his friend would take the news he had to give him, but there was no sense in delaying any longer. The archeologist took a deep breath and steeled himself before speaking.

“They don’t know if she’ll walk again, Jack.”

Jack shot from the chair as if it were on fire. He began to pace back and forth in the little area between the chairs like a caged animal. He kept alternately running his hands through his hair and extending his arms out to the side like he didn’t know what to do with his own appendages.

It pained Daniel to see his friend so upset, but he knew there wasn’t much he could do for him. His own reaction yesterday hadn’t been so different. Jack would settle down eventually.

Eventually was in about three minutes. Jack collapsed on the chair next to Daniel’s and sighed heavily. His head went down between his knees for a minute and then came up to rest in his cupped hands. Finally, the question that he’d wanted to ask since he arrived came out.

“Can I see her?”

Daniel looked uncomfortable as he answered. “Um…not likely. She’s still in the trauma ICU, and they only let you in there a few times a day. I went in about 2 hours ago, so…probably not until tonight. It would probably be best if you went alone-they don’t like a lot of people in there, but I know Sam would want you there.”

Jack actually laughed a little at that. Daniel thought it very odd, but that was Jack O’Neill for you. His next words made the snort make sense, though. “Is she even conscious? Will she even know I’m there at all?”

Daniel didn’t quite know how to answer that one. His last interaction with Sam had been limited to holding her hand and talking to her while she slept. But the time before that had involved a Samantha Carter who, while awake, was anything but rational. “Well, she’s in and out of a drug induced sleep, but she is awake sometimes. I did get to talk to her earlier, but…well, it was pretty much a one sided conversation. I think Sam was talking to her hand, which seemed to fascinate her, and she kept asking for room service. I just let it go. They said it was pretty common with the drugs she’s on. They’re going to try her on something else today and see if she’s any more lucid.”

Jack smiled. A rare treat in any case, but certainly now. “Well, that I have to see. Carter loopy. Must be a nice change from the usual stuff that comes out of her mouth, huh?”

“Actually, I couldn’t help but think of you when you went Ancient on us,” answered Daniel.

A grunt was the only response Jack gave this time, and then silence fell between the two men like a curtain at a theater. It reigned for a long while. Finally, Jack broke the tension and the silent barrier that had been built.

“It wasn’t supposed to happen this way.” His voice was barely louder than a whisper, and filled with pain and bitterness.

Surprised, Daniel looked up and silently asked Jack to continue with his eyes. Jack didn’t look at his friend, but he didn’t have to. He knew the look Daniel was giving him, and for once he didn’t mind opening up just a little bit. He was hurting too badly this time to keep all of it in, and this was Daniel, the one person he felt almost comfortable enough with to actually talk to.

“I mean, a staff weapon. A gun. Even a disease picked up off world. A super soldier. A gate malfunction. A crashed aircraft, even…but her own damn bike?”

“I know…”

“I thought she was selling the damn thing, anyway?”

“Her Indian? She did…like six months ago. This was her new one-a Suzuki, I think. Jack-when’s the last time you talked to Sam?”

“I don’t know…probably about six months ago.”

“Seriously?” Shock and surprise danced across Daniel’s features at this information.

“Yeah, why?” Jack’s response was surly, and carried a hint of warning.

“Oh, I don’t know. I thought…maybe…”

“What?” Jack was obviously a little irritated with where this conversation was going.

“I don’t know, that you and Sam were maybe…since you weren’t in her direct chain of command anymore…I don’t know…maybe…” Daniel stuttered and stopped. He was having a hard time wrapping his brain around the fact that Jack and Sam hadn’t talked in half a year. What was going on here?

“What are you trying to say, Daniel? Just spit it out already!”

“I just thought you and Sam were, I don’t know, closer than that.”

“Yeah, well, things change.” The bitter note in Jack’s voice could not be missed, and Daniel was more concerned than ever about both of his friends-the one laying in a trauma bed, and the one right beside him in the waiting area.

Silence fell again for a bit, but Daniel just couldn’t let this one go.

“Jack?”

“Huh?”

“What happened?”

“Huh? What are you talking about, Daniel?”

“With Sam.”

“I don’t know, I wasn’t there. She wrecked her bike. Ask the police or the doctors or whoever.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“What are you talking about, Daniel?”

“Jeez, Jack, don’t be so obtuse. What happened with you and Sam?”

“What are you babbling about? I got promoted and transferred. We don’t talk that often anymore. It’s not like we both aren’t pretty busy, you know. End of story. I’m sorry if I don’t live up to your expectations of me. Damn!” And with that, Jack was pacing again.

As much as he knew he should let it lie, Daniel just couldn’t do it. His tired mind was still just not processing this information. Jack, Jack O’Neill, his former CO and best friend, was pretending like him not talking to Samantha Carter was no big deal. Acting like it was to be expected. Quite the opposite was true, at least in Daniel’s mind. He half expected Jack and Sam to be a full fledged, if discreet, couple by now, since Jack was out of the SGC, at least officially. Granted, the two had had their ups and downs through the years, but here lately, both Jack and Sam had been called out on the carpet about their feelings for each other and things seemed pretty solid. It didn’t take multiple degrees in the humanities to figure out that these two had something between them. But even if they hadn’t acted on their long denied feelings for each other, Daniel at least expected them to remain close friends. Not talking for six months? Something was going on. Besides, Jack was pretty riled up now, and that only happened if something was hitting close to the mark.

After a few minutes, Jack threw his lanky frame back into one of the chairs, a few away from Daniel this time, and sighed with exasperation. He couldn’t take the look on Daniel’s face after just a minute, though, and finally gave in.

“Alright, WHAT?”

“Look, Jack, I’m sorry…I just thought, with the rules pretty much not an issue now and, well…you both being free and, well, you know…I just thought…you know…you might…give it a shot?”

Jack didn’t pretend not to know what Daniel was talking about this time. He was tired, and tired of having this conversation. The easiest way to shut Daniel up when he was onto something was to just give him what he wanted, and Jack knew it.

“Oh. That.” Jack’s eyes hit the floor and stayed there.

Daniel looked at his friend and sighed before he answered. “Yeah. That.”

“Not much to say, really. Things didn’t work out. We drifted. It happens.”

“Did you at least give it a shot?”

“I don’t know…went to dinner a few times…it was just weird. Felt all wrong somehow.”

“Huh. Sorry.”

“Yeah, whatever. Probably better that way anyhow. It’s still not entirely kosher, and there’s some other stuff. I mean, don’t know if you noticed, but Carter’s a bit my junior.”

“Not enough to matter, Jack.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

It sounded like an excuse to Daniel, and the barely controlled pain in Jack’s voice was obvious, but Daniel decided to let it go. He was saddened that his friends hadn’t found the happiness they so deserved, but there wasn’t much he could do. He would let it go for now, despite his sorrow about it.

Besides, Sam’s doctor had just hustled past him.

Chapter Four

“Dr. Youngblood!”

Jack was on his feet faster than lightning, but the surgeon addressed Daniel.

“Ah, Dr. Jackson. How are you doing?”

“Alright. How’s Sam?”

“No real difference today, I’m afraid.”

Jack couldn’t be quiet any longer. He burst into the conversation with the grace of an elephant. “Daniel, what’s going on? This guy Carter’s doc? How’s she doing? When can I see her?”

Daniel tried to make apology to the doctor with his expression. “Dr. Youngblood, General Jack O’Neill. If you have a moment, could you give us an update to get me up to speed and fill in my friend here?”

The surgeon looked worried and nervous, but managed to eek out an answer. “Really, Dr. Jackson, I can’t right now. I need to get up to OR 5 right away-perhaps later today? My apologies, General. I just really need to go now. Soon, I promise.”

Soon ended up being five hours, and Jack was ready to explode. Daniel had managed to fall back into an uneasy sleep, but the General had only succeeded in picking off about half of his skin cells with his restless fidgeting. By the time Dr. Youngblood came around again, Jack was nearly ready to scream. He’d done this hospital vigil thing more times than he cared to count, but it never got any easier. And this was Carter. Something cold and dull ached inside of him when he thought about that.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way.

What Jack had told Daniel earlier was true. After he’d transferred out of the SCG, he and Carter had gone out a few times. They’d played it off as just two friends having some fun, but they had really been testing the waters to see if they wanted to go down that road that had lain in front of them for a long, long time. A road that sometimes looked so tempting it made Jack ache, but that other times looked like a scary and complicated place that was more trouble than it was worth. Things hadn’t exactly gone badly, but they had been awkward. It just felt too strange. Too complicated. Somehow there was too much history already there, in the way of making a new one. Jack didn’t entirely understand why or how it happened, but slowly the phone calls became less frequent on both sides, starting with taking longer to return a message and ending with, well, six months of not talking. Sometimes he nearly broke the silence on a lonely night, but he didn’t want to bother Carter. He didn’t want to hold her back from her new SG team or her life. He didn’t feel like it was his place.

Now, whatever reasons that had caused Jack and Sam to drift apart over these last months seemed trivial. Trite. Stupid. Even if they hadn’t worked out as a couple, or decided not to try, Jack thought that they should have at least stayed friends. Close friends. Friendship was worth a little discomfort, wasn’t it? Hadn’t they stayed friends through more than a few awkward moments in the past? The idea that he’d failed Carter somehow was killing Jack O’Neill. Not that he could prevent a motorcycle accident, but dammit, he thought he should’ve at least known what was going on in Carter’s life. So, when the surgeon finally returned, Jack was not in the best of moods, to say the least. The anger that had been slowly building up inside the General vented itself on the easiest target.

“You!” Jack nearly spat the word at the white-coated figure, who was looking a little worse for the wear himself. His last surgery must have taken a toll on him, but O’Neill barely noticed.

Fortunately, Daniel was there to provide a calmer voice. “Jack.”

“Sit down, Daniel. I’m going to find out what’s going on with Carter.”

“Jack, let the man speak. He’s just doing his job. You know how hospitals can be.”

“Damn right I do, and I’m going to get in there to see Carter if I have to bowl this guy over myself to do it!”

“Jack, really.”

At this point, Dr. Youngblood decided he’d had quite enough of watching these two men bicker, even though it was entertaining in a way. “Enough. Gentleman, if you’ll come this way, I can arrange a visit to see Dr. Carter, and even introduce you to her primary physician now that she is officially post-op, not an emergency surgical case.” He said this in a quiet voice, but nonetheless his words demanded respect. Both Daniel and Jack stopped speaking as if a switch had been thrown. They listened to the surgeon, then quietly followed him down the hall. Dr. Youngblood, his expression out of sight in the lead of the little group, had a small smile on his face. He was not at all sad to be giving these two visitors, especially the new one, over to a new doctor. He would still check in on his patient, but it was up to TICU and then the orthopedic and neuro types to deal with these two now. Dr. Youngblood couldn’t help but wish his colleagues luck internally.

They would need it.

After what seemed to Jack to be an inordinately long series of introductions and greetings, during which Daniel was infuriatingly polite, they finally let him in to see Carter. He could barely see her underneath all the blankets, tubes, and various pieces of equipment hooked up to her. She was pale, but breathing steadily on her own. That alone eased Jack’s mind a little bit. No ventilator. No obvious life support. Sam really was alive. Jack hadn’t really believed it until he saw it. Daniel had stayed outside the room for this visit, which suited Jack just fine. He needed to digest this on his own for a few minutes. Besides, the TICU was a clean room type facility. The risk of post-operative infections in these patients was too great to allow just anyone in, and large numbers of people visiting at any one time was not allowed. Jack looked down the short row of beds and saw that the other patients were in the same boat. Family members looked in from outside through large windows on one wall while one representative held a hand or said a prayer.

Jack wasn’t a religious man, but he lifted a few thoughts of his own on high today. As he made his way to Carter’s bedside, he suddenly got an urge to turn and run. He’d never been comfortable in hospitals. Too much death. He felt like he had to get out of there, quickly. A panicked look flew across his face for a second, and his heart rate nearly doubled, but then he steeled himself for what he knew he had to do, and he continued forward. There was no way he could back out of this now.

Once he got to the bed, Jack fell into his usual role of protector and surveyed the damage. To him, it looked like Samantha Carter was just sleeping. He knew there were damages he couldn’t see, but for now, Carter looked peaceful. He didn’t want to wake her, but he needed some contact with her. So he sat in the little plastic chair by the bed and reached out a tentative hand to hold hers. After a moment, his head bowed down to rest on top of his hand, with hers on the bottom. His eyes closed and he just soaked in the touch. He’d been sitting there for what seemed a very long time, but altogether too short a time, when an older nurse with a kind face touched him on the shoulder. It was time to go. Sam hadn’t stirred while he sat there, but her hand was warm, and he willed strength into it. Jack clung to it like an anchor in a maelstrom. He wasn’t sure who was anchoring whom. He just knew he had to hold on. If someone had looked closely while he sat, they might have seen a single tear course down one cheek followed a big swallow that signaled Jack O’Neill was trying not to cry. He had regained his composure by the time the nurse came for him, though, and he merely nodded to the woman before standing stiffly to leave the room. He took one last, long look at Carter over his shoulder and walked to the door. He thought no one had seen his weakness.

But Daniel Jackson had been watching very closely.

Chapter Five

After passing through the sealed entry, Jack ran right smack into a large, dark form. He was about to apologize when he realized just who it was he had collided with. “Teal’c! It’s nice to see you here. How ya been?” O’Neil wasn’t exactly bubbling with joy, but he was indeed happy to see his friend. Having spent the day with only Daniel for company, he appreciated someone else being there. Someone less prying. As much as he loved him, sometimes Jack really just wanted Daniel to shut the hell up and leave him alone. Teal’c, well, there wasn’t usually a problem with chattiness there.

“O’Neill. It is indeed good to see you, as well, despite the regrettable circumstances which have caused your visit. How is Colonel Carter today?” There was a tiny undertone in the Jaffa’s voice that Jack rightly interpreted as chastising for the length of time that had passed since he’d last come to Colorado to see his old teammates. It had been nearly a year since O’Neill had been out this way, and he had not really spent any time with them even then. Teal’c missed O’Neill, and was saddened that Jack’s friendship with his former team seemed to be fading.

The big Jaffa especially wondered about both Colonel Carter and Daniel Jackson. The General had always had a special fondness for Dr. Jackson, and despite his tough exterior, Teal’c knew O’Neill really cared about the younger man. It surprised and saddened him to see Jack so distant now. And as for Colonel Carter, well, Teal’c had been in the room not so very long ago when she and the General had confessed their feelings for one another, and while things had changed a lot in recent years, he always thought there was substance there. As a warrior, Teal’c understood why things had to be the way they were for so long. But now, he wished his two friends happiness, and he wanted them to find each other if that was what was meant to be. For Teal’c, it was indeed meant to be for practical as well as personal reasons. O’Neill and Carter had the same security clearances, and at least they could be open about their lives with each other. It only made sense that if they could at all possibly make it work, that they should. Teal’c was tired of seeing them put up a brave façade but have no one to lean on when it counted. He would always be there for both of them, but he understood that his friendship was simply not the same. Sometimes you just need someone at home, so to speak. Even Teal’c had felt the sting of many nights alone at times. It bothered him that his friends were drifting further and further apart, making any chance of their happiness together smaller and smaller.

Daniel answered for Jack, as the older man seemed to be in a bit of a daze. “No real change from yesterday. She may have surgery on her legs tomorrow for stabilization of the broken bones. They’re likely to do that in stages-first one leg and then the other, but they aren’t sure of the exact plan yet, as apparently the pelvis is an issue. In order to get the bones to mend, Sam needs to put weight on them. However, with the broken pelvis and the nerve damage, she won’t be able to do that for a while. So, they’re going to just get the bones aligned right and hope for the best. They will be using some sort of motion machine to keep blood flowing and muscle strength in her legs. The pelvis will likely be a separate surgery, and they don’t know if they will be fixing that or letting it heal on its own. It depends on what they find when they get in there. The nerves are the biggest issue. If this is a temporary thing, like swelling of the nerves or something, and it goes away, they are optimistic they can get Sam walking again. If not…”

“Understood, Jackson.” A new voice came up from behind the archeologist, cutting him off.

Everyone knew what the ‘if not‘ was, and no one wanted to hear it. Lieutenant Colonel Cameron Mitchell stood nearby now. With him was a dark haired woman who looked somber. Vala Maldoran, who usually was full of entirely too much bubbling personality to match her too wild hair, was quiet for once. And thank goodness for that. Jack was looking at Vala and the Colonel with murder in his eyes.

Jack didn’t like the newcomers being there. He had no problem with Mitchell most days, although he would have preferred that Carter lead SG-1 in his absence. The Air Force had vetoed that, and since it was company policy, so to speak, to shift personnel around, Jack was happy that most of his team had remained intact. He knew he had Mitchell to thank for that in many ways, so the young man couldn’t be all bad in his mind. The woman, though, was another story entirely. Vala annoyed Jack to no end, and there was no way he would have tolerated her anywhere near the SGC. He was glad he didn’t have to actually spend any time with her since she had come aboard. He probably would have strangled her. She was Daniel’s little project. His little way to try to make the universe a better place by helping someone. Let him have it. Jack wasn’t interested. At least the woman had the good sense to stay quiet now. Maybe Daniel was rubbing off on her a bit. Even he occasionally knew when to shut up. Right now, though, Jack resented her, and Mitchell for that matter, being here with ‘his’ team. They were outsiders, and this was family business. Two years didn’t equal eight, and it certainly didn’t equal the bonds formed in these four people. Mitchell and Vala weren’t family yet, and probably never would be. They seemed to know it, though, and so they stayed a bit away from the General, Teal’c, and Jackson. The group of five was really a trio and a pair. Jack at least had to give them that.

Daniel, ever the polite one, greeted the newcomers. “Colonel Mitchell, Vala. Get done over at the mountain? Sorry I couldn’t help with that briefing but someone had to be here.”

Mitchell responded. “Yeah, everything’s squared away and General Landry has given SG-1 personal leave to see how this shakes out. No worries about your absence. We agreed to take shifts here. Not much we can do, but we can do that.”

Daniel nodded. “Agreed. Well, I don’t think they’ll let me in again to see Sam if I don’t shower and change, so I think I’ll head home for a bit. 16 hours up here takes a toll on hygiene. I’ll be back as soon as I can, though.”

Mitchell responded with a little laugh. “Don’t sweat it, Jackson. We can stay overnight and we’ll go from there. Go home. You are a little ripe, if I do say so myself.”

The quiet older man who had drifted out of the conversation suddenly spoke up. “I’ll stay.” Jack’s voice didn’t leave much room for argument, but he knew it was coming anyway.

“I also would like to sit with Major Carter tonight.” Teal’c wasn’t going to leave his friend at this turbulent time.

O’Neill gave the big Jaffa a look that said thanks in a million languages, and looked expectantly at Daniel, who he was sure was about to protest that Jack had been here nearly as long as he had and was jet-lagged, and who knows what else. But Daniel just looked Jack in the eye for a long second and nodded his head slightly. He knew Jack needed to stay right now for whatever reason. And Teal’c’s presence eased his worries quite a bit. This was like the old days, before Jack’s promotion to General, when SG-1 was still intact. No words were spoken. Daniel just took the cue and knew what to do. He addressed Mitchell and Vala now.

“You guys have had a long day, too. Why don’t we all get out of here.”

Mitchell and Vala knew they were being dismissed, but they seemed to take it in stride for now. There would be plenty of time left to watch over Carter, and they didn’t want to argue with Jack. It would be pointless. They would eventually lose anyway.

As Daniel, Mitchell, and Vala left, Jack and Teal’c returned to the TICU waiting area for the beginning of their vigil. They didn’t know how long they would be there, or what they could do. They only knew they weren’t going to leave anytime soon.

Chapter Six

The next morning dawned bright and clear. Samantha Carter could tell that from the way her eyelids no longer were black to her but were gradually getting redder and redder. She finally decided to put forth the energy to open them and look around. Sam had been in and out of consciousness for the last several days, and found it difficult to stay awake for more than a few minutes at a time. She knew this was from the pain medications they had her on, and although she was pretty disoriented and confused half the time, she was pretty happy, all things considered, so she was grateful for the drugs. She had been told, several times, about her injuries, and her mind still functioned well enough to tell her it was bad news. Thankfully, though, she didn’t have to make any decisions about her care. She’d given her brother medical power of attorney years ago in case of something just like this happening. Well, not something just like this, but something similar. When she had signed the affidavit giving Mark the right to make the hard choices about her care in case of an emergency, Sam had expected him to be dealing with a battle injury, not a motorcycle accident, but all the same it was a good thing she had done so. Especially now, as she had been taken to a civilian hospital and was in no condition to move to a military institution at this time.

Mark had been by to visit at least once, she was sure, and Sam remembered an embarrassing incident with Daniel, but couldn’t remember the details. She thought someone else had come by, too, but couldn’t remember who it had been. She shook her head to try to clear some of the cobwebs up there, but it didn’t work. The memory wouldn’t come. Then, as she looked around the TICU to watch the morning routine kick in, she saw him. A tall, grey-haired man was coming toward her tentatively, like he was afraid of how she would react to him. And suddenly, Sam remembered. Jack. Jack had come to see her. She’d been mostly asleep and too drugged to respond to him, but she remembered him just sitting there, holding her hand for what seemed both a very short and very long time. He hadn’t said anything. Sam didn’t know how to take that. She and Jack had drifted apart over the last few months, after ever so briefly testing the waters of maybe becoming more than friends. Of maybe exploring that area that for so long had been roped off from them. It had been odd to interact that way with him, but Sam had enjoyed it, and she was sure the General had, too. Nothing had happened between them, really, but Sam had seen the spark of a twinkle in Jack’s eye that said he really was happy with her. Smiles had come more often, and while things were a little awkward at times, Jack and Sam had grown a little closer. The walls they had both built up around themselves had started to weaken just a little. And then, suddenly, it just stopped. Why they had just dwindled away was a bit of a mystery. Sam had to admit she had been a little scared of where they might have gone, but they didn’t even talk anymore. Suddenly that seemed ridiculous to her, and she was angry. Angry at herself. Angry at Jack. Angry at her situation now. Angry that he wasn’t here anymore. Angry that they were hardly even friends anymore. Angry at life for getting in the way.

Jack reached Carter’s bedside and stood there fidgeting for a second. He seemed to not know what to do with his hands or his eyes. He looked everywhere other than at Carter. Finally, after a few big breaths and big swallows, he greeted the blonde patient with a tiny grin. “Hey, there, Carter, how ya feeling?”

“Oh, just peachy keen, General.” Sam bit out the words and threw them at Jack like daggers.

Jack seemed taken aback by this tone from his friend and former 2IC. He blinked a few times in surprise, and then even took a small step back. “Look, Carter, I can go if that’s what you want. I just thought I would say hi and see how you were feeling today. If you need me to leave…” He trailed off at the narrowing of Carter’s eyes and the vicious glare he was receiving.

“Oh, sure. Run away from anything you’re not comfortable with. Run away from what scares you. Run away from everything you can’t easily categorize. Run away from what you can’t defend against or attack. Fine. Go ahead and go. See if I care.” These words were delivered from Carter in a quiet voice, but one that would have scared even the toughest Goa’uld. They were vicious and meant to cut to the core.

They did the job well. General Jonathan ‘Jack’ O’Neill took two steps back now and muttered something like, “Look, Sam, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I did…don’t know what to do here…don’t know…”

Sam was quick to respond and let O’Neill know what she wanted from him. “Oh, you don’t know what to do here? I’ll tell you what to do. Get the hell out of here!” These last words were delivered several decibels above the others, and Jack began to panic. He took more steps back, looking wildly around the room for help. Several nurses had noticed Sam’s outburst and were rushing over.

One of them came up to Jack and put a hand on his shoulder. It was the kind faced nurse from the other day. She gently led Jack backwards and murmured at him. “Time to go for now, hon. Sometimes they’re like that. It’s the drugs. Don’t pay it no mind. She didn’t mean it. She’s been having a real hard time with meds. We changed her up today, so she’s likely to say anything. Sometimes it’s nice, sometimes it ain’t. She didn’t mean it, love. Just come on out here with me. There you go.”

Now, normally Jack O’Neill would have resented being led around and coddled like a small child, but he took it with no argument now. He was completely lost after Sam’s outburst, and despite what the nurse said, he thought Carter meant it. Every bit of it. And even if she didn’t, she didn’t know how close to dead on right she was. Despite the obvious influence of drugs, Jack felt that they had just loosened Sam’s tongue enough that she spoke the truth. Jack looked back over his shoulder and with a single short glance, he saw more nurses around Carter’s bed, with restraints ready. It looked like the nurses and orderlies were going to have a battle on their hands, and Jack didn‘t envy them at all, but he felt he would rather be in their shoes than his. He threw open the door to the TICU and stormed out, never looking back again. Teal’c’s puzzled gaze followed his retreating back.

Chapter Seven

The knock at the door startled Jack. Who would be here? And why? He was packing up a few things at his house to take back to Washington with him. His apartment there was functional and nice, but there were a few things he hadn’t thought to take back with him last time he was in Colorado, so now was a good time. He had to go back to Washington soon, anyway, for work, and Carter obviously didn’t want him here, so he figured he would just head back a little early.

“Jack?” Daniel’s voice echoed through the still furnished but empty feeling house.

Jack sighed in resignation and called from the bedroom. “In here.”

Daniel was soon in the doorway. “What’s going on, Jack?”

Jack raised his eyebrows a bit at the question. “I was about to ask you the same thing. What are you doing here?”

Daniel responded in that nervous, fast-talking way that only he could pull off. “I was on my way to the hospital when Teal’c called. Yeah, he actually called, which was odd, but anyway…he said he thought I should swing by here to check on you. I thought that was strange, but when I asked Teal’c about it, he just said he, and I quote, ‘believed it was important’. So, here I am.”

“So you are. What do you want?”

“Um…you ok, Jack? What are you doing?”

“Packing a few things I forgot to take to Washington last time I was here.”

“Heading back already?”

“Yeah. Something came up.”

“What? Anything we should know about?”

“Just…something…I have to go.”

“Jack.” Something in Daniel’s voice told Jack he wasn’t buying it, and Daniel’s next words proved him right. “Jack, I know something happened with Sam. I know there was an…incident.”

“You could say that.”

“She wasn’t lucid, Jack. I don’t know what she said, but it wasn’t Sam talking. You know that, right?”

“She seemed pretty lucid to me, Daniel. She doesn’t want me here…”

“Jack, aggression is common with mind altering drugs. You know that.”

“Yeah, but…”

“People say crazy things when they’re in Sam’s condition. Come on, blow it off. I‘ve had to do that I don‘t know how many times with you. Give the woman have a little slack.”

‘Besides,’ thought Daniel, ‘even if Sam doesn’t want or need you here, maybe the rest of us do. Maybe I do.’ Daniel didn’t want to have to speak his thoughts, because he knew it would make Jack uncomfortable. He would if he had to, though. It was so good to have Jack back. His team needed him now, even if things were a little different. And Daniel had a sneaking suspicion Jack needed them, too, despite the fact that there was no way he would admit it.

That actually brought a small laugh from Jack. “Yeah, you’re right. She deserves a little leeway. I’m sure she didn’t mean it. Alright. I can stick around for a few days. I do have to get back to Washington by the end of the week, though.”

Daniel marveled at how easy it had been to convince Jack to stay, but decided not to dwell on it. That was a good thing, as Jack wouldn’t have told him why he was staying anyway. Jack wasn’t staying for Sam. He was still hurt and angry over her words, and although he probably would’ve regretted it, he could have left her in order to seek some sort of petty revenge. But he wasn’t strong enough to leave Daniel. Jack’s former team was falling apart at the seems, and he didn’t have to look to see it. Daniel’s eyes ached with a hurt that was plain as day. Daniel was having a hard time coping with Sam’s injury-probably a worse time than Sam herself. Jack couldn’t leave him like this.

“We can handle that, Jack. So, still keeping up this house and one in Washington?”

“Yeah, well this one is paid for, and all mine. Besides, I like it. I rented a little apartment in Washington for now. We’ll see.”

“What about Minnesota? Still get out there much?”

“Well, it’s a little more out of the way from DC, so I sublet it for the summer. I don’t make it out there enough to make it worthwhile right now to do anything else.”

This was the beginning of an actual conversation, and Daniel was relieved he could actually talk to his friend like this. It had been a long time since they had just talked. They continued to talk about things big and small for a bit, then decided to head out for a late breakfast. After that, they headed over to the hospital to check on Sam. She was scheduled to have her first leg surgery today, and they wanted to be there when she came out of it.

Chapter Eight

When Sam came out of surgery, she was returned to the TICU. If things went as planned, she would stay in that ward until the last of her injuries were stabilized, and then she would be moved to a normal room. The first time she had visitors this time, both Daniel and Jack cautiously stepped to her bedside. Sam was awake, and both were nervous she might give them the same treatment she had dolled out to Jack last time. They figured there might be safety in numbers. As her head slowly rolled to her right to look at the men, Sam smiled. The words that came out of her mouth put their fears to rest, at least for a while. “Colonel! It’s great to see you!” She was obviously talking to Jack, but things were not quite connected upstairs yet, as evidenced by her calling him by his old rank. Sam just kept on going. “When did you get here? I’m really glad you stayed.” At these last words, Carter’s head rolled back to her left and she promptly fell back asleep. Daniel looked over at Jack and for just a second, his eyes met the General’s. He couldn’t help but smile at what he saw. A smile mirroring his own. A smile that extended all the way to Jack’s eyes, putting a little light in them. Daniel thought it was the most beautiful thing he had seen in a long time, especially where his friend was concerned.

The end of the week trip to Washington ended up being done at the end of a month, and Jack O’Neill was essentially living in Colorado again by then. It turned out that he could do a whole lot of work of his type by telecommuting and flying back and forth occasionally. So, despite paying the price in jet lag, Jack was there through all four of Carter’s initial leg surgeries, and he spent more time on hospital shifts than anyone else through all of them. There were a few more bad moments, but far more good ones. Jack’s visits to Sam took on a friendlier tone over the weeks, and things were almost back to how they once were for SG-1 in terms of the bonds they had with one another. No one ever left Carter alone. They took turns watching over her even as she slept. General O’Neill conceded to letting Mitchell and Vala do their part, although he still looked at them with distrusting eyes. Cassie came by as often as she could to visit, too, and she and Vala helped Sam with her hair and other stuff that the guys just couldn’t seem to get a grasp on. Sam’s brother came occasionally, when he could get away from San Diego. General Landry visited every once in a while, to keep up with appearances, and even General Hammond came by a few times. All in all, things were going as well as they could in most ways for Samantha Carter.

There was one thing, though, one very important thing, that was not going well. Not well at all.

It had been six weeks since her accident, and Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter still couldn’t use her legs.

Chapter Nine

The sun was streaming through the third floor window of Carter’s hospital room when Jack O’Neill knocked softly on the open door to signal his presence. Teal’c got up from the stiff plastic chair he had been using to keep his vigil by the bed to allow O’Neill to begin his time.

“Colonel Carter is sleeping well at this time, O’Neill.”

With a nod, the Jaffa quietly exited the room. As always, little needed to be said between the two men.

Jack watched Sam sleep for a while, then got up to walk around the room a bit. When he returned to the bed, Carter was awake and watching him. She looked thoughtful for a moment, then spoke quietly.

“You don’t have to stay, sir.”

Jack sat down in the chair and looked the blonde patient square in the eyes. “I’m not going anywhere, Carter.”

“There’s nothing for you to do here, sir. No reason for you to stay.”

Gently, assuredly, Jack repeated his statement. “I’m not going anywhere, Carter.”

Brown and blue eyes held on one another for a solid minute. Then Carter’s filled slightly with tears, and dropped away from O’Neill’s. Wondering what he had done, Jack questioned his former 2IC gently.

“What?”

“It’s nothing, sir,” replied Carter.

“No, there’s no nothing now. What is it?” Jack’s eyes and voice were full of so much care that Sam could hardly stand it. She looked away even further and her chest began to tremble ever so slightly. It unnerved O’Neill, who was used to seeing a strong Sam Carter, and he didn’t quite know what to do. Jack waited as long as he could before finally barely whispering a question.

“Carter?”

Sam seemed to come back around with that. She drew a large breath and sighed, then looked directly at the General. Her next words were not unexpected to him, but not something he ever wanted to hear, either.

“They’ll have to discharge me.”

Jack went into full denial mode. He couldn’t help it. “Carter, it’s too soon to be thinking like that. We don’t know what’s going to happen here. You could be back to normal in a few weeks. We just don’t know. I mean, stranger things have happened, right?” He tried to smile at her and cheer her up a bit, but he knew it was just a façade. He knew Carter was going to be discharged for medical reasons. Her fractures alone meant she would never face field duty again. She would be lucky to walk normally again. Add to that the potentially permanent (although Jack refused to think of it that way) neurologic damage, and there was no way Carter would remain on active duty.

Jack knew that, and so did Carter. “I know what you’re trying to do here, sir, and I appreciate it, but we both know I’m out.”

Jack didn’t argue this time. He couldn’t. He tried to apologize with his expression as best he could, but he abstained from making unfair false impressions. Carter knew the score the same as he did.

“What am I going to do, sir?”

Jack’s mind reeled with possibilities. His first thoughts were that Carter could do civilian consulting, work at area 51, do labwork, and think up contraptions no one else could. Ideas ran through his mind like water from a tap. There were so many things she could do. Each one was rejected from whatever part of Jack’s mind had thought of it, though, as the rest of his brain knew that Carter wouldn’t be happy in those jobs. She needed action. She needed to be in the thick of things. As much as she enjoyed her tinkering, there was no way she could do it full time. Her short stint at Area 51 had already proven as much.

The complete despair in Sam’s voice had taken Jack off guard. He had no idea what to say, so he went with the honest answer that seemed most fair. He didn’t want to lie to her, and he didn’t want to start listing off things she could do with no legs. He hadn’t given up, and didn’t want her to do so, either. His reply was barely a whisper.

“I don’t know, Carter.”

The two officers were quiet for a while after that, each lost in his or her own head, but the stillness didn’t last too long. The reverie was broken suddenly, when O’Neill jumped up and went over to the small table in the room, where he had left his jacket. When Carter looked at him questioningly, he explained.

“I brought you a little something.”

Jack removed a single, oblong package from the inside pocket of his coat.

“Sir, you didn’t have to. You bring me something every day.”

“That I do, and I have no intention of stopping.”

Sam laughed. “You’re incorrigible.”

“Thanks, I think,” Jack replied with a grin and wink.

Today, his small gift was a Caramello candy bar. He figured a small piece of the real world, and a break from hospital snacks, would do Carter some good. Besides, he knew they were her favorite, and he aimed to please.

“Sir, you shouldn’t have. You keep bringing me things like this and I’ll weigh three hundred pounds when I get out of here.”

Jack’s head snapped up like a puppet suddenly handled by a master when she said that. “Damn right, Carter. Then we can diet together. When you WALK out of here. Hang in there.”

“Sir…”

He cut her off and wouldn’t let her argue. “It could still just be neuropraxia…you never know…it is improving slowly…you can beat this. Fight it hard, Carter. I believe in you.”

Sam laughed right in Jack’s face. At first, the General was insulted by this response, but as Sam explained her humor through her giggles, Jack puffed out his chest and smiled with mock pride. “You just used a five syllable word, sir. And correctly, I might add. Better be careful, or people will start to expect you to use that brain of yours a little more.”

“Well, hanging around with you and these docs all day must have worn off on me.”

“Uh-huh. Whatever you say, sir.” Sam had stopped laughing, but she was grinning ear to ear.

“Shut up, Carter.”

Sam did as she was told, but the smile remained. Jack was smiling, too, and the mood in the room was one of moments shared and friendships strengthened. Jack thought that he couldn’t be happier, despite the circumstances. He and Sam had each other back. Friends. Like it was supposed to be. Jack vowed in that moment to never let time nor distance come between them again, regardless of the path their friendship took. This was too good to lose a second time.

Chapter Ten

“NO!” Jack screamed at the top of his lungs. The offending party was obviously Daniel Jackson, who stood only two feet from Jack’s mouth at the time of his outburst. Daniel had obviously been prepared for just such a response, though, and his argument was fast in coming.

“Jack, calm down, I just said I looked into it. And it would be Sam’s choice.” The gentle chiding in Daniel’s voice reminded Jack that he really didn’t have the right to decide something like this, but the General still had to let his objections be known, and he rapid fired back at Daniel.

“No. No way. No how. No. No freaking way, Daniel. Don’t even think about it. No way. I won’t let you do this. I won’t let you give Carter that option. There has to be another way. She’s strong. She’ll fight this and win eventually. Don’t ever, ever mention this to me again.”

“Jack, I told you earlier. I already talked to the Tok’ra. There aren’t any symbiotes available right now anyway. It’s not an option, so there’s no need to get all worked up.”

“No need to get all worked up, Daniel? You’ve never had a snake in your head! I’ve had two, count them, two! Not an experience I want to repeat, and not one I would be willing to stand by and allow Carter to experience a second time.” An involuntary shudder ran through Jack then, and Daniel couldn’t help but be reminded of Jack’s time after his blending with Kanan, when Ba’al had tortured him to death and then revived him God knows how many times in his sarcophagus. Daniel remembered Jack begging him to end it-it was one of only a few things he remembered from his time of ascension-and he sympathized with his friend’s feelings on this, but Daniel also knew that the odds of Sam making a full recovery were not good. He was only trying to help, any way he could. Perhaps the Carter family was good host material for the Tok’ra. Jacob seemed to have had a peaceful existence after his joining with Selmak, and Sam was philosophical about her time with Jolinar now. It had been worth a shot, and if there had been a suitable symbiote available, Daniel would have talked to Sam about it. It was her choice, not Jack’s. Sympathy be damned, he just wanted to help his friend.

With the Tok’ra avenue closed to him, the Asgard and Nox inexplicably unreachable, and the Free Jaffa having destroyed any accessible sarcophagi because of their ties to the Goa’uld and their way of life , all Daniel could do was vow that he would at least stand by and support Sam as she began the long physical therapy road in front of her. After all, Samantha Carter was one of the strongest, most determined people Daniel knew. Who knew where it would lead?

Chapter Eleven

“Wake up, sleepyhead.”

Samantha Carter turned her head and opened her eyes slowly. The face that greeted her was that of her physical therapist, Lorna Green. She was a small woman, with short brown hair cut in a simple bob. Her green eyes radiated compassion and strength. Despite her small stature, Lorna was strong as an ox. She was able to do almost all the required manipulations of Carter’s limbs herself, and in those that she couldn’t manage alone, she was helped by two orderlies who gave Teal’c a run for his money in the size department. Jerrod and Tim were nice enough guys, and Sam had been glad they were there many times already in the weeks since her accident.

Sam had met Lorna only a few days after she was admitted to the hospital. Even before the surgeries to stabilize Sam’s leg and pelvic fractures were completed, Lorna had electrodes placed on Sam’s legs to help keep the muscles from wasting away from lack of movement. She assigned a massage therapist to visit daily and work over the swollen limbs to get some of the swelling out. After surgery, Sam had been placed immediately into a constant passive motion device to keep her joints mobile. Her legs were in motion 24 hours a day. The machine moved imperceptibly slowly, but it did move, and Sam’s legs were in a different position every time a new visitor arrived. These activities had been increased slowly over time as much as the incisions would allow. Once the incisions from all of the plates, pins, wires and screws that now held Sam’s legs together had healed, massage was increased, water therapy was started, and the brutal work of trying to get Sam up and walking again was started in earnest. The passive motion machine was removed, and Sam and Lorna became intimately acquainted.

When Lorna showed up today to take Sam down to her PT, Sam really didn’t want to go. She was getting very tired of the constant attempts to get her legs to work properly. The nerve damage that had occurred along with her bone injuries had yet to heal. There had been some progress, but it was far too slow for Sam, and every day her frustration at her own body grew.

Sam could feel her legs now (and that was a mixed blessing, as the pain was now immense), and they would sometimes sort of respond to her wishes, but there was still significant impairment of her motor skills. Her doctors told her that the bones were aligned. They had fixed that part of her injuries, but that was only one part of the equation. Sam had to get up and stand on her legs for them to heal well. If she didn’t bear weight on the injured limbs, her body wouldn’t get the signal to grow bone, the healing process would take a lot longer, and she would probably need more surgeries. She would also lose even more strength in her legs than she already had, and complications were more likely. Sam knew all this. However, it didn’t make getting out of bed and facing the sadomasochist that masqueraded as a physical therapist any easier. Sam could’ve sworn that Lorna enjoyed causing her pain. That she liked inflicting torture upon her victims. Sometimes it seemed as if Lorna was the most evil Goa’uld in the universe. Always waking Carter up from a good sleep. Always making her flex her knee farther than was comfortable and then holding it there for what seemed like forever. Constantly making her to do more than she could. Today was one of the days when Carter just wanted to throttle the little woman.

“Go away.”

Lorna smiled at that and then patiently replied. “Dr. Carter, we need to do your daily session in the poles. Come on, Tim will get you into your chair and downstairs. I’ll meet you there.”

Lorna Green was used to recalcitrant patients, and so she just never gave them the option of not complying in most cases. Samantha Carter was no exception. Her patients might curse her and send a thousand dirty looks her way, but in the end it was her job to give them the best chance they had to function normally again, and that meant that she had to push them. Most patients left and never looked back once they recovered or otherwise went on their way, but a few stopped by to thank her or sent a holiday card, and those few made it all worthwhile. Those that actually walked out the door after serious injury made it all seem worth it.

So, on those days when Dr. Carter was particularly reluctant to work, Lorna ignored it and moved on anyway. Shortcuts and breaks didn’t get the job done here.

Sam groaned and pulled her covers up to her chin. She was enjoying her afternoon nap. She had been moved to an extended care facility some time ago, and there was plenty she could do during the day, but she found it easier to just sleep when she could. There was only so much reading and TV she could handle.

“Not today, Lorna. Just one day off, please?”

Lorna smiled at the wheedling. “Nope. Doesn’t work that way. Come on, up you go. Tim!”

The large, long haired orderly appeared from around the corner. Sam soon found herself loaded into her wheelchair and taken down two floors to the large PT room. Lorna had said it was time for her pole work. That was Sam’s least favorite part. The poles were parallel bars, like in gymnastics but closer to the ground, that she had to navigate. The idea was to get her legs under her and her body vertical to try to regain the strength and skill needed to walk. It never went that way. Sam’s arms would do most of the work, with Tim and Jerrod on either side to catch her if she fell, and by the time she finished her assigned number of reps, Sam’s shoulders and arms would feel like they were on fire. Sam was getting pretty ripped up top from all this, but she was no closer to walking, and she knew it. The worried glances she caught from the orderlies and the little therapist told her they weren’t pleased with her progress, and neither was she.

Sam wanted to get out of this place. Move back home. Get used to living like this. She had come to terms with the fact that this might be how it was going to be from here on out. Daniel had told her about the situation with the Tok’ra and their other alien allies. Sam was on her own. Supposedly, her little Nazi friend just wanted to see a little more progress before sending Sam home with explicit instructions on outpatient therapy, but Sam didn’t know what to think. She felt like she would be here forever. A burden on everyone. With no light at the end of the tunnel. The only things that kept her going were the visits from her friends, but those weren’t as common as they used to be, and General O’Neill, especially, was coming by less and less often. Sam’s mouth watered as she thought of him and the small bits of candy he always brought with him. God, she felt as if the world was going right on by her. Her friends all had to get back to their lives, and rightfully so, but what about her? Was she to just live out her days in this infernal place, forgotten eventually by all who knew her?

“Alright, Colonel? You ready?” It was Jerrod who spoke this time. He’d done a short stint in the Army when he was younger, and always referred to his patient by her rank. Carter appreciated it in a way, as a small reference to her former life and her work to achieve that rank. In a way, though, it also hurt, because while the Air Force and the SGC had, for now, just put her on indefinite medical leave, she knew her discharge papers were lying in a drawer somewhere waiting to be signed and delivered when the powers that be decided she was in a less delicate state. The delay was probably General O’Neill’s doing, and that she did most sincerely appreciate. Disability insurance and other things she had put in place in case of something like this were serving her well for now, but eventually she would need to change a few things in order to survive financially. She tried not to think about that. Most days she did ok, and just concentrated on trying to get well, but today was not a good day.

Sam finally managed to answer the orderly, who was waiting for her response before helping her up into the poles for her session. “Not really, Jerrod, but guess we have to do this, huh?”

“Yes, ma’am. Just following orders.” The orderly threw her a smirk far too reminiscent of another man she knew, and Sam gave him a weak smile back. She took a deep breath and nodded. Time for Torture 101 for today.

Sam was halfway through her assigned exercises for the day when she collapsed into the waiting arms of Jerrod and Tim. They held her up as firmly as rafters in a house, and she was in no danger, but the sound that came out of her mouth was harder to hear than any fall would’ve been. A sob that sounded like it came from the depths of Sam’s being rang out in the cavernous room. Tears began to stream down her face, and her body was racked by spasms of pain.

Lorna ran over to her patient, and the two orderlies looked to her for guidance. At a small nod from the therapist, the men lifted Sam up and over the bars, and took her to a small room off the main room. It was private and made an attempt at being comfortable and soothing. There was a small couch there, and the men laid their patient gently on it, then covered her with a blanket. This was obviously not the first time something like this had happened, and after dimming the lights in the room, the staff left Sam to her emotions for a while. After ten minutes of uncontrolled release, Carter somehow fell into a light sleep, and no one disturbed her.

When Sam woke, it was much darker in the PT room than it had been when she drifted off. The light coming through the large windows had softened quite a bit, and there were no other patients present. Sam’s only company was Lorna Green, who was sitting quietly nearby in one of those oversized circular chairs popular with college students. She sat with her legs underneath her and a cup of coffee in both hands. She was looking intently at Sam. An open book lay face down on the small table nearby.

“Hey there,” Lorna called in a soft voice.

Sam took a second to get her bearings before answering. “Hey. What happened? Why am I still here?”

“Well, you got upset during your exercises today, and we brought you over here to calm down a bit. You fell asleep, and I thought it best to let you off the hook for today. That couch has been a respite for many people in your shoes.”

Sam snorted at that. “Oh, so you have a lot of people who can’t cut it, huh? Can’t live up to your grueling standards? Or just give up under the pressure?”

“Well, there are some who give up. Some who don’t push themselves hard enough and don’t accomplish what they probably could otherwise. Some who do push themselves as hard as they can and still come up short because of the severity of their injuries. I’m not going to lie to you, Dr. Carter. This job doesn’t always have a happy ending.”

“Is this supposed to be a pep talk?”

“No. This is telling it like it is. Because none of those people we just mentioned are the majority. Most people work hard and accomplish most of the things we set out for them, and often more. But there are a lot, and I mean a LOT, of people who get frustrated. Who lose it sometimes. Who lose sight of the light at the end of the tunnel. Who feel completely isolated and alone. Who feel like they’re taking one step forward and three steps back every day. Who get angry beyond belief at the injustice of what has happened to them. Who get discouraged at the slow pace that defines recovery from a serious injury. I have a feeling that’s what happened to you today, and I want to tell you, you aren’t alone. We can get through this, but I need you to help me. It’s perfectly normal to feel the way you do, but you can’t let it incapacitate you, or you won’t be able to do this. Only you can decide how to play this, Colonel. I can’t promise you that you’ll be 100% normal after all this-you did experience major trauma-all I can tell you that I will do my damndest to be sure you are as good as you can be. But I can’t do it alone. You have to keep your head above water, ok? Sometimes you will sink below the surface, and days like today will happen again, but you have to keep fighting. So, what do you say? Keep going or throw in the towel? I can have you discharged tomorrow with an outpatient plan and referral to a home care service that can help you deal with living as you are now, but I think we can make some serious progress if you give me some more time and we keep up intensive workouts. Up to you. What do you say?”

Carter just stared at the tiny woman for what seemed an eternity. She reminded her very much of another short doctor she’d known. What was it with small women and power complexes? How did this woman know exactly what Sam had been thinking when she’d lost it earlier? It was uncanny. Janet Frasier would be proud of this little Napoleonic power monger. The two must have been cut from the same mold. Slowly Sam felt a small grin slide over her face at the memory of her friend, but then she remembered the therapy sessions. The pain, the frustration. It was just so much. Quietly, under her breath, she mumbled, “it just hurts so bad.” She was ashamed to think that thought, as she always thought of herself as tough, but it was true. This was harder than anything, ANYTHING, she’d ever done before. The enemy was her own body, and it was like being a prisoner inside herself.

Lorna looked at Sam with sympathetic eyes. “I know.”

“And it doesn’t seem like it’s helping. I don’t feel any stronger.”

“I know it seems that way, but you are making progress, Sam. Really. Two weeks ago you couldn’t stand on your legs at all. Now, you touch them to the floor a little. I realize you can’t move them forward much at all yet, but you can bear a little weight on them. That’s what counts. Baby steps. One step at a time. It’s cliché, but there it is.”

Sam’s face lit up, making her look like a kid on Christmas morning. “Really? I’m getting better?”

“Every day, Sam. Every day. So, what’s it gonna be? Willing to give me a little more time? Or do you want to give up and play the martyr?” Lorna ignored the fact that she’d given Sam progress reports at regular intervals, complete with range of motion data in hard numbers, force plate analysis that analyzed how much weight Sam was putting on her feet at any given moment in unforgiving numerical format, and subjective analysis of how Sam was doing. Patients always forgot about that when they got like this, and it was totally understandable. In fact, Lorna couldn’t remember a patient who hadn’t done something like this at some point. Trauma had a way of doing that to people.

Sam was silent for a while, chewing on her lip. Finally, she looked up and right into Lorna’s eyes. Lorna saw a steely glint behind the blue that she hadn’t seen before, not even on a very good day. There was determination and a little anger in those eyes, and Lorna was glad to see it. Her gamble had paid off. Samantha Carter was one who needed called out on the carpet when she fell. She needed a little push. Some patients needed a pat on the back, some needed a slap in the face. Lorna had gambled Sam was the latter, and was glad she’d been right. She knew what was coming before the words left Sam’s mouth.

“I can do this a while longer. Bring it on.” A small grin pulled one corner of Sam’s mouth up as she said this, and for the first time in a while, she felt a little encouraged.

‘Oh, yeah,’ thought Lorna. ‘We’re getting somewhere now. If you thought I was tough before, Sam Carter, you just wait. We’ll fight this together. Bring it on, indeed.’

Chapter Twelve

The next few weeks were good ones for Carter. She got a little bit stronger every day. She got a little more mobile every day. She learned to move herself around more on her own. She pushed herself harder than she ever had before, and soon she was able to function on her own. She used her arms to maneuver her body where it needed to go, and figured out how to do the simple things, like use the restroom, get out of bed and into a wheelchair, dress, and bathe herself. She was not normal by a long stretch, and was still wheelchair bound most of the time, but she could walk a little bit with a walker. She could stand for about ten minutes, and although her steps were short and faltering, she could get across a small room. When her friends visited her now, they were amazed at her new attitude, and impressed with her skills. Although she still had plenty of dark times, she was determined to try as hard as she could to get her life back. No matter what, she would get through this. She learned to push past the pain, to relish it, to use it to prove to herself she was alive, and that she was fighting. It became her ally, and a good one.

The day came when it was time to go home. Sam wanted that more than anything, but she was scared. Scared she wouldn’t be able to handle it. Scared that without the support of the team of therapists, doctors, nurses, and orderlies that had helped her every day since her accident, she wouldn’t be able to do the daily chores of life. An occupational therapist who specialized in home care was appointed to help her with those things, but she was still nervous. This was a big step. Sam had not fully taken care of herself since the accident, over five months ago.

A light knock at the door told her that Lorna had come to see her off.

“Hey, Lorna. Come on in.”

Lorna returned the small smile Sam gave her. “Well, today’s the big day. You ready?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be, I suppose.”

Lorna gave Sam a knowing look. “Nervous?”

Sam replied with a slight blush. “That obvious?”

“Actually, no. Just a normal thing to be feeling right about now. This is a huge step, Sam, and it’s scary. But you’re ready for it. You’ve come a long way and done really well. Better than we thought in many ways.”

At Sam’s look of surprise, Lorna explained. “Quite frankly, we expected you’d be having at least one more leg surgery. That right femoral fracture sure tried to not heal on us. That’s common in these types of cases. What we call non-union fractures. But all your bones mended well. They’re strong. Your muscles are still weak, but gaining ground everyday. The nerve damage, well, like we’ve said all along, there’s just no way to tell. You have to give it time, but from what I see, I’m optimistic you will recover to nearly 100%. There’s a lot left to work on, though, and it’s not an easy adjustment to go home and lose the support structure you have here in the rehab facility. You’re going to have to do everything on your own now, and calling for pizza every night gets old real quick.”

Sam laughed outright at that. With her friends, she doubted food would be an issue. Even if it was take-out, she’d get some variety. She had overheard Daniel and Jack talking outside her door just the other day about her release and how they would divide up sitting with her. It was like just after the accident all over again. She was grateful for the help. Sam had no delusions that life would be easy once she got home. The home therapist would do her nursing care and some therapy, but she would need to be driven to the rehab center three times a week for more extensive work, and there was no doubt she would need help with simple chores, but she wasn’t worried about getting it. She explained that to Lorna with an understatement extraordinaire.

“I think I can find some folks to help me out.”

Lorna smiled back. “Yes, you have a lot of friends, and they seem very dedicated to you. You’re lucky to have them. I know they don’t come as often as they did right after the accident to see you, but you get a lot more visitors than most folks here do. They were here at least every other day all the way until now. That’s a blessing. I know they’ll be there for you now.”

Sam thought to herself that Lorna had never spoken truer words, and counted herself blessed to have SG-1 and the SGC behind her at this time. Before responding to Lorna’s comments, Sam glanced toward the door when a movement caught her eye, and was shocked to see General O’Neill standing ramrod straight in the doorway, in full uniform.

“Sir!”

A slight smile tugged at the corners of Jack’s lips, and a twinkle appeared in his eye as he very calmly and coolly responded. He was so proud of this woman he couldn’t even think straight, let alone trust himself to speak much, but he didn’t let it show. Sam’s bravery in dealing with this accident humbled him.

“Carter.”

“What are you doing here, sir? I thought Daniel was picking me up?”

“Well, there was a slight change of plans.”

“You guys better not be throwing me a surprise party or anything like that.”

“Nope. In fact, that’s part of why I’m here. The guys wanted to pick you up in a decorated truck with balloons and streamers and all that, but I thought you might want something a little more, well, discreet.” He eyed the wheelchair and walker next to Sam’s bed as he said that, and Sam couldn’t help but notice his discomfort.

“I appreciate that, sir. I’m not much in the mood for a lot of people and stuff right now. Besides, I have a long way to go before we can celebrate, right, Lorna?”

The small physical therapist looked up then. She’d tried to make herself invisible during this little exchange. It wasn’t every day that she interacted with a high-ranking Air Force general, and this O’Neill character made her a little nervous. Not to mention, she had picked up on the subtext between these two long ago, and thought it best if she stayed out of their affairs as much as possible. But on this, she did have an opinion. A big one. She couldn’t stay silent.

“Well, Sam, I have to disagree. There’s always something to celebrate, and in this job, well, I’ll take a good day as reason to have a party. You have a lot to be proud of, and you should celebrate it. That said, though, I have to agree that waiting a few days might be best. You have a lot going on right now…oh, and as for having a long way to go, well, one day at a time, Sam, one day at a time. That’s all we can do, remember?”

Carter nodded her head in agreement and reminded herself (for what seemed the millionth time) to just take it one small step at a time. That’s how she would get through this. Baby steps…

After the necessary forms had been filled out and signed, Jerrod and Tim, along with Lorna, several nurses, and other people from the rehab center, helped Sam get all her things into Jack’s truck and lined up outside to see her off. Sam waved bye to each of them and accepted Jerrod’s help in getting into the large vehicle.

Jarrod shot the older man in the driver’s seat a quick glance before handing Carter a small note and softly saying his own goodbye. “Take care of yourself, now, Colonel. I’ll see you later. Give a ring if you need anything.” Then he looked Jack right in the eye and nodded, once, before speaking a one word greeting. “General.” With that, the orderly shut the door, and Jack slowly drove out of the parking lot.

Jack couldn’t help but smile a little at the younger man’s attitude. Once a military man, always a military man, he supposed. He appreciated the respect, even if he didn’t really like the personal way Jarrod talked to Carter. Jack would have given almost anything to be able to relax like that with Sam. But it just wasn’t to be. Things with them had always been, and most likely would always be, complicated.

The 30 minute drive to Sam’s house was mostly quiet. Both Sam and Jack were lost in their own thoughts as they drove away from the only home Sam had known for four long months. After a while, though, Jack broke the silence.

“So, picked up a fan club, eh?”

Sam looked over at him in surprise. “What was that, sir?”

“Our young orderly. He seemed especially interested in your case, Colonel.” Jack intentionally used Carter’s rank to tease her a little, and the word was injected with sarcasm.

“He’s not that young, sir, and he’s harmless. Just a really nice guy.”

“Oh, what’s that he gave you, then?”

Sam had completely forgotten about the note in her hand. She hadn’t even looked at it. Truth be told, she would rather have done so privately, but now it was too late. She didn’t want to give Jack any more ammo to use for teasing. It was probably just a get well card.

“Well, why don’t we just find out?”

“Go for it, Carter.”

Sam opened the folded piece of paper and read it quickly. The words inscribed on it were simple, short, and sweet. In the chicken scratch writing Sam had learned to read while in the PT room, Jarrod had written a short message.

Colonel—
I meant it. Call me anytime. For rehab help. Or not.
Jarrod
555-1671

Sam blushed as she read the lines, but quickly tried to cover it. Jarrod must have planned this before he helped her to the truck. Sam was flattered. It was nice to know that Jarrod cared, and that he put some thought into his little note. Carter wasn’t even vaguely interested in ever calling him, but still, it was nice to have another friend. She hoped Jarrod wasn’t looking for more than that, as she knew she wouldn’t be going down that path for a while. Her injuries and what had happened with Pete and then even with Jack recently made anything more than friendship seem like a bad idea. Relationships just didn’t seem to suit Sam Carter well at all. Not that she and Jack had ever had a relationship in the conventional sense of the word, but their short walk down that lane had left them both uncomfortable and distant, and Sam in no way wanted to try and change things again. Things between the two of them had gotten so comfortable and easy since her accident, and that was worth more than anything else in the world. There were still moments of tension and barely controlled emotion boiling just under the surface of their interactions, but Sam wasn’t prepared to deal with that, or any other relationship issues, right now. She had more important things to do. Like learn to walk right again.

Sam had forgotten it was Jack who asked about the note until he interrupted her thoughts with a question. “So? What’s it say?” Jack grinned at Sam mischievously as he asked, and she knew he knew damn well what kind of note it was. He just wanted to watch her squirm a little.

Sam tried not to give him the satisfaction. “Nothing important. Just my favorite orderly’s phone number in case I need help.” She shrugged as she answered and acted like young, attractive men giving her their numbers was an every day occurrence.

Her flippancy caught Jack off guard a bit, and he felt the tiniest surge of jealousy towards Jarrod. He immediately talked himself out of the emotion, telling himself that he had no right to feel that way, and that it was great that Carter had one more person to call on in a time of need. Not that he had any intention of letting her need anything. He’d already arranged for a housekeeper, rotating visits from friends with dinners, and everything else he could think of that Sam might need. He just wanted her to not have to worry about anything. She would have to ok everything, of course, but it was all ready to go if she wanted it. Jack knew Sam well enough to know she would be furious if he assumed she would want help. The situation was such that help was going to be needed, but arranging it without involving Sam would be a big mistake. So, Jack had laid all the phone numbers and papers out for Sam to review. That was the best he could do. He wanted nothing more than to make sure Carter was well taken care of. She wouldn’t need to call her young friend. While Jack thought about all this in just a second, his reply was brief and sarcastic, as always, to cover his real feelings on the matter.

“Oh? You think he’d mind if I gave him a call? My knee’s been killing me.”

Sam was spared from having to answer the General by the sight of her house as they pulled onto her street. While the hoopla at the rehab center had wisely been foregone, obviously the party committee had not ruled out her house for a festive look, if nothing else. There was a large sign in the yard saying ‘WELCOME HOME SAM’ and streamers and balloons covered everything in sight. As Jack pulled into the drive, Sam noticed more and more things that were both touching and truly hard on the eyes. Bright colors glared at her from everywhere, nearly masking the fact that her lawn and flower beds were immaculately kept up. Sam made a mental note to take all the paper down soon and to thank whoever had done her yard work for her.

Jack unloaded all of Sam’s stuff quickly, and then he propped open the door to the house before coming back to the truck for Sam. He asked permission with his eyes to carry her inside, and she nodded her affirmative. It was just easier than using the chair or walker for the short trip, since the big truck and the small steps up to the door made perfect obstacles to progress.

After receiving her permission, Jack sighed one small nervous sigh before working his arms up underneath Carter’s shoulders and knees and gently lifting her out of the truck. As he turned and kicked the vehicle’s door shut, Jack was struck by how light Carter seemed, but he wisely didn’t comment.

As Jack carried her into the house, Sam noticed something as they crossed the threshold, and asked Jack to stop for a second. The front door was wrapped in gift paper, and little notes were written in black magic marker all over it. It looked like everyone at the SGC had signed it. Tears threatened to fall from Sam’s eyes at this gesture. After looking over the wonderful ‘card’ for a minute, Jack continued on into the house and laid Sam gingerly on the couch, within reach of everything she would need for the next couple of hours.

His task complete, Jack didn’t know what to do. So, he went with the obvious and easiest action for him. Sarcasm and the basics. “Sorry, Carter, you’re just not a featherweight. I had to keep going. We can read the door later. Do you need anything right now? I put your chair and walker where you can reach them, and there’s snacks and sodas right there and the remote with fresh batteries, and…” His voice trailed off as he ran out of things to say. He was nervous. He didn’t do this well. Fortunately, Carter bailed him out, as always, at least to his point of view.

“I think I’m ok, sir. Thanks. I really appreciate the quiet homecoming. Tell the guys thanks and that we’ll do something later, ok? I’m tired right now. I think I’d like to take a little nap.”

Jack arranged the pillows and a blanket on the couch in an effort to make Carter more comfortable, and then allowed himself the rare luxury of brushing a little piece of hair out of her eyes and off her forehead. His touch lingered a little longer than it should have, with his thumb tracing her cheek just a little, and she suddenly looked up into his eyes. His own eyes held there for only a second, with shocked surprise and something else, something unidentified but enticing, dancing just behind them, and then he looked away. He straightened up uncomfortably, and began to speak, just a little too quickly.

“Well, ok, then. Look, Daniel will be by in about an hour. I have to catch a late flight tonight back to Washington to do a few things, so I’ve got to run, but I’ll be back in a few days. You going to be ok until Daniel gets here?”

Sam looked quickly away from him and answered, also a bit too quickly. “Yes, sir. I’ll be fine, sir. See you when you get back, sir.”

“Ok, then. I’ll call you later. Bye, Carter.”

“Good bye, sir.”

With that, Jack fled the house as fast as propriety would allow. He wanted out of there ASAP. He’d thought he was ok with just being friends with Carter again, and didn’t want to jeopardize that for anything, but the surge of emotion that ran through him when he tucked her in, so to speak, surprised the hell out of him and scared him, too. He was so happy just to have her and Daniel and T back in his life after his isolation in Washington that he couldn’t fathom wanting anything more. He had his team back, if not officially or at work, at least in his personal life. He had his friends again. No, they were more than friends. They were his family. It stood to reason that some of the old confusion and tension and passionate emotions revolving around Carter would resurface along with the rekindling of Jack’s friendship with his team, but he couldn’t act on those feelings. He and Carter had explored that area and found it unappealing. Granted, they’d done so only briefly, but it was enough for Jack. They had both been uncomfortable and they’d drifted apart afterwards. Jack didn’t want to risk losing his friend again just to satisfy his own occasional selfish wish to be more than friends with Samantha Carter. Besides, she needed him now as a friend only. She didn’t need anything else in her life to make things more complicated than they already were. Jack O’Neill vowed that would keep his distance. Sam needed him, so he wasn’t going anywhere, but he would stay at arm’s length. As he walked down the drive to his truck, he was already fortifying the walls he’d built around himself years ago. He couldn’t let anyone worm their way through them this time. There was too much at stake. He couldn’t lose any part of his family again.

Chapter Thirteen

The welcome home party for Sam took longer than Daniel had anticipated to happen. It was a full two weeks after Sam was released from the rehab center before he and Cassie were able to get everyone together to celebrate. Sam was still doing well, even if she had a hard time with some things, and refused help far more often than she should have. She was getting around on her own, even if still in tiny little shuffling steps, and her spirits seemed good more days than not. Daniel was amazed at her ability to hang in there. He supposed a good bit of that had to do with the fact that now that she was home, away from the prying eyes of civilians, Sam could do some of her work. She found ways to occupy herself, and that made all the difference in the world. Daniel could still remember getting a frantic call on his cel phone from Sam at two AM asking if he would bring her a text on molecular engineering. When he explained that he wasn’t in the mountain, Sam had been completely baffled as to why. She hadn’t realized what time it was. As annoying as the call was, Daniel had smiled to himself anyway. The old Sam was coming back, and he was exhilarated by it. Soon, Sam would be making daily trips to the mountain and working light duty, at least if he had anything to say about it. Things were definitely looking up, and today was a day to celebrate that.

Sam’s living room had looked like a mini science lab when Daniel had gotten there early in the morning to look in on Sam and start preparations for the party. He had called Cassie immediately, and the two of them had gotten busy finding safe hiding places for all of Carter’s Goa’uld doodads and Tok’ra thing-a-ma-jigs and naquadah whatevers. Books were stacked, papers were filed, and devices were swept into closets while Sam protested violently at her friends to ‘be careful with that’ and ‘don’t touch that’ and ‘please just leave that there’. Of course, Daniel and Cassie didn’t listen. They were having this party, come hell or high water. Too many people wanted to pay their respects. The work could wait for one day.

After all the preparations for the evening were done and all that was left was to sit and wait for the guests, Cassie went home to change, and Daniel flopped into a chair for a well-deserved rest. This type of work was not his cup of tea. He was tired, but satisfied. Everyone from Siler to several people from the rehab center were coming to his little shin-dig. Even Jack had said he could make it in from Washington. The General had needed to spend a little more time there recently after his lengthy absence, but he still managed to visit Sam with some frequency. It had been like doing dentistry on a crocodile to get him to this party, but eventually he acquiesced. Yep, Daniel was proud of this one. He wanted Sam to see how many people missed her and cared about her. She deserved that and so much more. Sam had disappeared into the bathroom to clean up and get ready, and that took a while these days, so Daniel drifted lazily off to sleep in Sam’s new leather living room chair that had just shown up the other day. It was very comfortable and obviously not cheap. Daniel wondered briefly where Sam had gotten it as he blissfully dropped into dreamland. He would have to remember to ask her later.

Daniel was startled awake by something hitting him in the feet. More accurately, something knocked his feet completely off the footrest of the recliner. He was instantly awake and was starting to jump up when he realized the source of the jolt. Jack O’Neill was standing above him with a strange look of mischievous satisfaction on his face, which both infuriated and amused Daniel. He tried to at least look indignant, though, as he put up his protest at being raised from slumber in such a manner.

“Hey! What was that for? I was sleeping!”

Jack had the good form to try to look a little chagrined, but he didn’t really pull it off. It was painfully evident that he’d enjoyed harassing Daniel a bit. “Obviously. Sorry. I couldn’t resist. Besides, isn’t it about time for this clam bake to get started?”

“Actually, you’re a little early. About half an hour. Thought you didn’t even want to come? What gives? Flight get in a little early?”

“Yeah, well, wouldn’t want to miss any cake.” Jack gave Daniel a lopsided grin as he answered, and earned a smirk from Dr. Jackson in return.

“Yeah, ok, Jack. Whatever you say. Couldn’t be that you missed us or anything, huh?”

“Nah, I was just…” Jack trailed off and became fascinated with a point somewhere over Daniel’s left shoulder. When Daniel turned to see what had so intrigued his former CO, he was also struck dumb by what he saw.

Samantha Carter looked radiant. She was dressed in blue jeans and a silky blue spaghetti strap top that seemed to perfectly match the blue of her eyes. The shirt was flattering and cut in all the right places to show enough skin to be enticing but not so much as to be trashy, and although Sam was still keeping one hand on the wall to stabilize herself, she was pulling off the outfit well. She was nearly walking without assistance now, and while she wouldn’t win any races, this picture of Sam made Daniel feel like the old Sam was back. She just looked so very confident, like she could take on the world. ‘Yes, sir, things are definitely getting back on track,’ thought Daniel. He felt like time had been turned back and the last year or so hadn’t happened. Jack and Sam and Teal’c and Daniel were family again, and everyone was healthy and well. They would be ok. They would get through the last of this ordeal like they did everything else. Together. They would be ok. A huge grin spread across Daniel’s face, and he felt like all was right with the world.

While Daniel thought that time had been turned back, for Jack O’Neill it had stopped dead. He sat there just staring at Carter like he had never seen her before in his life. He wasn’t capable of any coherent thoughts, and all he knew was that Carter had never looked better to him. Ever. She simply exuded beauty at this moment, and he never wanted it to end. A blush slowly spread over Carter’s cheeks, though, and Daniel, ever the responsive one, broke the silence.

“Sam, you look great.”

“Thanks, Daniel.”

Daniel jumped up and offered Sam the oversized recliner. “You want to sit here to greet people as they arrive?”

“Sounds like a plan. I‘d love to stand, but I don‘t think I can make it quite that long.”

“Here-be my guest. This is a great chair, by the way. Where did you get it?”

“It was a gift. Funny thing is I don’t know who it’s from. Just showed up one day with a card that said it was from a friend. I figured it was a comfortable chair, and expensive, so who am I to argue? The delivery guys even set everything up for me and moved it a few times to find the right spot for it. I absolutely love it.”

“Huh. That’s odd, but I agree with you-don‘t look a gift horse in the mouth. It is comfortable.”

Jack had been silent through this entire conversation, still lost and confused about how Carter could look so good in her condition. How she could seem completely normal. He was astounded by her yet again and just felt blown away by the fact that he and Carter and Daniel were just hanging out. Like old times. God, it felt good, even if Daniel and Sam were prattling on about something and leaving him out of it, as was their habit. Jack didn’t mind. He’d always liked the Wonder Twins routine anyway. He wanted to just soak this up forever. He would never have admitted it, but it was damn lonely in Washington. He didn’t fit into the whole political scene. He’d tried to go to a few parties, mingle a bit, get to know a few people, but it just didn’t work for him. He could put on the charm and slide right into that greasy little world, and he did when he had do, but he just didn’t enjoy it. He could have easily dated quite a few women, as he was considered very eligible, but he just wasn’t interested in the whole process. He hadn’t realized that the reason was quite likely because none of that could compare to the bonds he already had with three people back in Colorado. He was realizing that now, and was inwardly thinking of ways to try to fix his situation and get back to his family, where he belonged.

Jack’s internal reverie was shattered by a question from Sam.

“Glad you could make it over here, sir. How are things in Washington these days?”

Jack smiled at the irony of the question, given his recent line of thinking, and answered as best he could. “Oh, you know…the usual. Ok, I guess, for having to work with a bunch of pencil pushers.”

No one could miss the slight regret in Jack’s voice as he answered, but Carter and Daniel knew enough about General O’Neill to let it go. The conversation gradually drifted to all sorts of things, and the three friends talked together as old friends do until the doorbell rang, announcing the arrival of the first guest to celebrate Sam’s homecoming.

After Sergeant Harriman had officially arrived as the first guest, a steady trickle of humans (or nearly so) made their way through the front door of the Carter residence, and before long, the house was bursting with well-wishers, and a full-fledged party was underway. Even Mark and his family had made it up, and everyone seemed to be entertaining each other very well. Cassie and Daniel ran the show, producing food and drinks from a seemingly endless supply, while Teal’c did the actual kitchen work and Sam played a gracious hostess, despite being limited to short sessions of standing and basically no walking.

Everything seemed to be going well. Everyone seemed happy. Everyone except the man in the corner. It seems there’s one at every party. The guy who just doesn’t fit in. The one who gets left out, or who doesn’t want to join in to begin with. It must be a rule.

Jack O’Neill sat in his corner and sipped his beer. He wasn’t sure how many he’d had, but he knew it was enough to put him in a contemplative mood, and that was probably not a good thing, because all he could think about right now was how very stupid he had been to think he could just walk back into the lives of his former team without missing a beat. Two hours ago, he had been thinking of retiring, for real this time, to move back to Colorado to be closer to those he considered his family. Now, all he could think of was how he didn’t fit in, how he was washed up and too old to play their game anymore, and how painful it would be to him to have to be reminded of that every day.

Across the room, Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter was smiling a wide, toothy, truly happy grin. It was aimed at none other than Jerrod McAllister, the young, buff orderly from Sam’s rehab days. Around the two, who were engaged in animated conversation, sat two other young officers that Jack didn’t recognize. Sitting there in his corner, watching Sam be happy surrounded by men who made him seem like Father Time, Jack suddenly felt very old, very cold, and out of place. He thought that perhaps he had been right to leave Colorado after all. Jack felt like his torch had been handed to a younger runner, and rightfully so. He suddenly had no place here. Even though Jack still felt close to Sam and Daniel and Teal’c, he didn’t want to hold them back from anything they could be without him. He didn’t want them to miss out on bonding to a new team, or anything else, because they were still tied down to him. He felt it would be best if he just melted out of their lives again. They had survived before, and they would again, even if Jack O’Neill had to pay the price in lonely nights.

And so he did. For better or worse, Jack made his choice. He quietly slipped out the back door.

No one noticed he left.

After the party had wound down to a point where Sam and Daniel could privately talk, Daniel made his way over to the star of the show and asked a question that had been bothering him for some time.

“Sam? Have you seen Jack?”

Carter looked a little puzzled and then looked around the room herself before answering.

“Come to think of it, I haven’t. Wonder where he disappeared to?”

“Don’t know-never said bye to me.”

“Me neither. That’s weird. I bet he’s around here somewhere.”

“Yeah, maybe…” Daniel trailed off. He didn’t want to worry Sam, but he had his doubts as to whether General O’Neill was still hanging around somewhere. He’d seen Jack in his little corner of the world. He’d seen Sam with Jarrod and the others. He hadn’t had time to try to push Jack into conversation as he noticed the situation because Cassie had pulled him into another party chore, but Daniel suspected that his favorite General (while he wouldn’t admit it even to himself) still harbored entirely unprofessional feelings for his former 2IC. Daniel worried that this party had been a bit too much for Jack to take, since every eligible male within two miles had been jumping at the chance to make his presence known to the beautiful Lieutenant Colonel Carter. Daniel was fairly certain Jack had fled the scene. He just hoped Jack wouldn’t do anything stupid.

It wasn’t until late that evening that Sam Carter discovered a message on her cel phone. After dialing her voice mail and punching in her pass code, a rather shaky but all too familiar voice came across the line. General Jack O’Neill was brief, but the message came through just fine.

“Carter. It’s me. Sorry I had to leave your party early. Something came up. I had to go.”

That was it. That was all. Carter didn’t know what to think, but she did know she was angry. ‘Where did he get off?’ she thought furiously. ‘Something came up? Something so important he couldn’t even say bye?’ Carter threw the phone down on the dresser and blew it off. Who ever knew what was going on in Jack’s head?

Chapter Fourteen
Two weeks later, Washington, DC.

A cel phone rang. And rang. And rang. Finally, in irritation, Jack O’Neill violently reached over and silenced the tiny machine. He didn’t even bother to look to see who had called. He didn’t have to. Daniel Jackson could be one annoying son-of-a-bitch when he wanted to be. He must have called ten times a day for the last week. He was the last person Jack wanted to talk to, with his touchy-feely psychobabble bullshit. Jack didn’t want to be talked into going back to Colorado. He did not want to have to stand up to questioning about why he’d left Carter’s party. He had his reasons, and they were good enough for him. That’s all that mattered. So, he turned off the cel phone.

Jack screened his calls at home and at work. No one talked to him unless it was business. If he had to talk to someone from the mountain, he made it as brief as possible. He deleted e-mails unopened. It wasn’t the most responsible thing he’d ever done, but he figured if it was important, someone would find a way to get the info to him. Until he had the walls around himself strengthened again, Jack had to avoid those that could pull them down, and Daniel Jackson was at the top of a short list of people who could do just that. While he battled the Jackson onslaught, Jack sometimes wondered briefly why Carter or Teal’c never tried to reach him, but he quickly rationalized that Daniel was the logical choice for the duty. He was the diplomat, after all.

Since Daniel usually tried to reach him several times a day, when Jack saw a lone number ‘1’ blinking on his answering machine late one evening, it stood out. Something just struck him as odd about it. His hand reached out to hit the ‘play’ button without any conscious effort, and what he heard made him glad it did while at the same time his guts filled with ice.

A deep, resonant voice came out of the machine. A voice Jack would have recognized anywhere.

Teal’c.

A thousand thoughts began to swirl around in Jack’s head, like leaves in a tornado. ‘Why would Teal’c call me at home?’ thought Jack desperately. ‘Why would Teal’c call me at all? Is everything ok? Is everyone ok? What have I done? Why didn’t I talk to Daniel? Or at least listen to his messages? Why did I have to delete everything?’ Jack was so frantic, he didn’t understand the message the first time through, but he hit repeat faster than a rabbit on speed.

This time he got it. It didn’t make him feel any better.

“O’Neill. This message concerns Colonel Carter. I feel you should know that her official discharge papers were delivered yesterday. Also, your presence here is missed, my brother.”

O’Neill’s hands came up to cover his face, and he shook his head back and forth slowly. Carter’s discharge. How could he have forgotten? Daniel was probably pissed at him for leaving like he did, and for not returning his calls, but the archeologist had been trying to reach him much more frantically in the last few days. He must have gotten wind somehow of the discharge date.

Jack had tried to stall it as long as he could from where he was. He knew Landry and some others were doing the same. Jack had been praying for some sort of miracle that would allow Carter to remain on active duty. It never came. While Carter could now function enough to get around and even drive on her own, military service was still out of the question. Jack couldn’t delay the action any longer, and forces beyond his control pushed the medical discharge through. Jack had completely forgotten that it would be official sometime around NOW. The ice in his gut turned to lead, and immense guilt overcame him. Jack knew that his actions these last few weeks had been childish, and now he wouldn’t be there to help his family through a huge change. Once again, Jack felt that he had failed those he was closest to. God, he felt terrible.

He didn’t want to face them. He didn’t think he could. But how could he not go and make sure everything was ok? He had to make sure everyone was ok. That Sam was ok. He couldn’t prevent the discharge, but he could make sure she was ok.

Jack packed an overnight bag and called the private airport he used when he had to get somewhere quick. A flight plan was filed, and six hours later, Jack O’Neill had submitted a request for two weeks leave, which with his rank and position was merely a formality, and was piloting his own craft back to Colorado.

Chapter Fifteen

Jack O’Neill arrived on Samantha Carter’s doorstep at just after 0900 the next day. He hesitated as his hand was about to knock on the door, but he did knock. The lead guts feeling from the previous night had not left him, but he had to make sure she was ok.

It took a long time for Carter to answer the door. Jack was just about to either leave or let himself in with his emergency key when Sam finally appeared. She opened the door only a crack, to see who was there. When she saw it was Jack, she did not open it any further. A blank but angry look came into her eyes and she just stared at him for about thirty seconds before finally offering a greeting, if it could be called that.

“General.” She practically snarled at him.

Jack grimaced. He knew he was in for it now, and deservedly so. His greeting followed without any effort on his part. It came out of habit. “Colonel.”

As soon as he said it, Jack regretted it. The usually strong Samantha Carter responded in a way Jack just didn’t know how to handle. Her blue eyes slowly filled with tears at the brims, but none spilled out. Sam just stared at Jack with a mixture of anger, fear, and pain on her face. Their eyes met, and Jack thought he had never seen anything so heart wrenching in all his life. He wanted to make it all go away. A flood of emotions ran through him and he knew that all those old feelings surrounding Carter were not only far from gone, they were very much alive and well. Jack’s mind screamed out to him to screw the now defunct regs…screw everyone…screw everything. Carter was hurting, and he needed to fix it. When Sam’s eyes faltered and looked down…when one tear spilled over the lids…when she whispered ‘not anymore’, Jack couldn’t take it. Something broke loose inside of him and he had to try to fix this. He reached up slowly and pushed the door open just a little more. Sam didn’t fight him. Jack’s other hand then came up to raise Carter’s chin just enough that he could lower his head down to look her in the eye. He asked permission to come in with questioning eyes and a small sideways flick of his head. Despite everything that had happened between them in the last two years, words were still not needed for communication between these once close friends, and when Sam responded with a tiny nod and a slight opening of body posture achieved by moving her shoulders aside, Jack slipped inside the house.

His first words once inside were both familiar and strange to both people present. They were familiar because they seemed as natural as breathing and had been said before. They were strange because they carried so much meaning for such small words and because for so long they represented something so very complicated.

“Come ‘ere.”

Sam folded into Jack’s arms like one of those air-filled holiday ornaments that had suddenly been turned off, and despite the circumstances, it felt right to Jack. Sam filled his arms and his heart completely. He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed her. How wrong he’d been to leave her. How wrong they’d both been to not put a little more effort into seeing if they could be more than friends. He held her and made little soothing motions with his hands on her back, but said nothing. There was nothing to say.

Carter cried into Jack’s shoulder. She couldn’t help it. She had to let go with someone about this, and in spite of everything, she still felt closer to this man than any other person on the planet, and she knew he understood what this discharge meant to her. She also knew that she could count on him to be the strong one sometimes. He could pick her up when she faltered. He’d proven it before, and was doing so again now.

Sam’s loss of control didn’t last long. After a few minutes, she regained her composure and whispered, somewhat bashfully, as if she was embarrassed, against Jack’s neck.

“Sorry, Sir.”

Both Jack and Sam realized at the same time how incredibly silly the sir was, given the circumstances, and small chuckles escaped them both. Before long, the chuckles had given way to nervous laughter and then to all out belly laughs. Jack and Sam had to sit down to keep from falling down from their mirth. They still held onto each other, but they just couldn’t stop laughing. It was one of those times when one knows they should stop, when laughing is completely inappropriate and one doesn’t even know what is funny, but the giggles just keep coming. To see Colonel Sam Carter and General Jack O’Neill sitting on the floor behind a barely closed front door laughing like hyenas would have given many people quite a surprise, but as it was just the two of them, they carried on for as long as their bodies would let them.

When the fits of hysterics were finally over, Jack and Sam were left sitting on the floor, leaning on each other for support and completely out of breath. When Carter had recovered enough to speak, she shifted her head off Jack’s shoulder just enough to murmur a single word into his ear.

“Thanks.” Her whisper tickled the hair on Jack’s neck, but it didn’t make him laugh. It made him uncomfortable. Carter’s next move only added to his discomfort.

She kissed him. A sweet, short, gentle kiss on the neck. The side of his neck, where it met his shoulder. Jack was wondering what on earth could have possessed Carter to do something like that when another kiss landed just above the place where the first had been. Jack was beginning to think he had entered a strange and terrifying land where things were not as they seemed.

The lead in Jack’s gut had disappeared by now, but it was slowly being replaced by something else. Something warm and very pleasant. Something Jack had felt before for Sam Carter, but thought he’d never be able to act on. Carter continued her upward kisses on Jack’s neck, and before long was just below his ear. The warm feeling in Jack was building, and Jack knew he had to stop this. He still couldn’t figure out why it was happening, and part of him didn’t care, but he knew it wasn’t right.

“Carter.” Jack’s voice was barely a whisper.

“Carter.” Jack called out a little louder this time, but his voice still got no response from Sam.

“Carter, you need to stop…unless…” Jack trailed off, ashamed he had even added that last word. He knew there should be no ‘unless’. This couldn’t happen. Not now, probably not ever. This needed to stop, period. Jack’s brain couldn’t even begin to wrap itself around what was happening, and this was NOT how he ever wanted anything to happen with Carter. But the next words Sam said changed everything.

“Shh…Jack…please.” Carter breathed out.

General O’Neill could have probably resisted either the use of his given name or the ‘please’, but not both. The warm feeling in his gut burst into flame. He responded to Carter’s touch with a vengeance. Jack shifted around from his position somewhat beside Sam to sit in front of her and kissed her back. He was slightly hesitant at first and but as she returned his kiss, Jack grew more bold and the kiss deepened. For the space of a few heartbeats, Jack was lost in pleasure, but it didn’t last long. Suddenly, fireworks exploded in his brain, and he remembered why this was wrong. He broke off the kiss and just rested, forehead to forehead with Carter, for a moment. He still couldn’t believe this was happening. Why now? He had waited for so long to be able to do this with Carter when one of them was out of the Air Force, but to have it happen like this, with Carter hurt and fragile, just didn’t seem right. And things had changed. With all that had happened between them in the last two years, to do this seemed very wrong. Jack felt like he was on thin ice in the middle of a very large lake and if he moved at all he would go crashing though into the frigid waters below. He needed to know where to go. He looked to the only person he thought could help him.

Jack’s forehead pushed Carter’s upward gently, making her look at him. Jack was scared, nervous, excited, and unsure all at the same time. He had to know Sam was ok with this before anything more happened. Carter answered his unspoken query by softly whining as her contact with him was severed, and Jack nearly lost control again, but he had to know for sure. Hesitantly, with a small quaver in his voice, Jack O’Neill asked for confirmation.

“You sure? I need to stop if…”

One feminine hand came up to caress Jack’s face, and Carter leaned in to whisper in his ear.

“Jack…please.”

The last of the ice gave way, and Jack O’Neill plunged into the waters of an unknown lake with a tentative smile on his face, desperately hoping he wouldn’t drown.