The Light at the End of the Tunnel
by Baileys

Author’s Notes: I chose to do this as a POV piece originally because I didn’t want to deal with Loren. The kid just annoyed the hell out of me for no apparent reason, which, is why you’ll not find much of him in here. Despite this being one of my earliest SG1 stories when I started it, I think this has to be the one I’m most proud of. I’m hoping I caught the characters voices. Daniel was, believe it or not, the hardest one. I have great respect for those authors that can catch Daniel’s voice accurately. The guy is so unpredictable I have a hard time getting a good balance of wit, and strength with the cute insecurities that I find absolutely adorable. Beta’d for the most part by my great friend Lauretta, I’m posting this now especially for her:-) Finished 12th Nov ’05.

Teal’c approached the palace Stargate with mixed feelings. At first the idea of not being addicted like his friends was extremely pleasing, but his elation soon faded after numerous failed attempts to engage Daniel Jackson in conversation. They walked side by side towards the DHD, and for the first time Teal’c could remember, Daniel had nothing to say.

“I will endeavour to return.”

Daniel barely reacted to Teal’c's words, keeping his face a masked of indifference while he concentrated on dialling a ‘gate he wouldn’t be allowed to step through.

The Stargate engaged emitting its usual wave and Teal’c bided his final farewell to the whole group, including Major Carter, O’Neill and the boy who had joined him on the steps. O’Neill and Major Carter had a brief conversation with Dr Fraiser over the MALP. Apparently she was anxious to hear about the status of Daniel Jackson. Teal’c stood before the blue shimmer and glanced over his shoulder with an unscrupulous frown. He was not happy leaving his teammates behind like this, even if returning to the SGC was the best way to help them.

“Take care, Teal’c, tell Hammond not to be a stranger.” O’Neill lacked his usual enthusiasm, managing no more than a brief wave before shoving his hands back firmly into his jacket pockets.

Teal’c bowed his acknowledgement and took one final step forward, disappearing into the open Stargate.

Loren ran off immediately, not even waiting for the wormhole to disengage before announcing his plans to pack. Jack didn’t feel like explaining the whole detox plan again. He sighed and flung his arms out in mock irritation, turning to Carter to make a comment, in jest, regarding fishing poles and the making of.

Daniel scoffed, but kept his amusement well hidden for the most part. Jack’s joke didn’t go over too well with Sam. They had a little tête-à-tête that Daniel was barely aware of before the pair finally walked away.

Daniel remained, standing at the base of the gate, looking longingly at the empty space where a wormhole once was, wishing he could have left with Teal’c. There was something nagging at him in the back of his mind, something he couldn’t quite grasp the reason for. He couldn’t explain why he felt the way he did, but Daniel certainly recognised WHAT he was feeling. He and it went way back, and Daniel had learnt through past experience not to make such a big deal about it. Fear was something to be dealt with when he was alone, in the dark, when no one but him would see.

Looking around at the empty room Daniel could feel the overwhelming sense of fear consume him, and giving the ‘gate one last longing look he fled into the next room to find his friends’.

“Daniel, you okay?” Sam asked as he approached her side.

Aware his stride had become less of a confident march, and more a staggered dawdle, when he noticed the person he had come to depend on most in the world was currently nowhere in sight, Daniel tried to recompose himself. He nodded in reply to Sam’s question, adding a quick smile for her benefit and asked, “Where’s Jack?”

Walking back through the archway towards his two remaining team mates, Jack clapped both hands together enthusiastically. “Well campers, since we appear to be staying awhile we might as well make ourselves comfy, what d’ya say?”

Both scientists, stood side by side, met that remark with blank expressions.

Day One
Jack

Arh fer cryin’ out loud, I’m trying here. Being stranded for three weeks with these two is gonna be a barrel of laughs, I can tell. Keeping Daniel stationary is hard on a good day, how the hell am I going to keep him in the same spot for three whole weeks? And as for Carter? Well I won’t even get started on her. At least Danny boy’s got something to be doing. Translating the scribbles that had him so fascinated about this place to begin with should keep him occupied for at least a day or so, before he starts bugging me to go outside to check out the temples and statues I—oh so foolishly—happened to mention in a casual, helpful, ‘you see I do listen to you sometimes’ sort of way. Think I’ll ask General Hammond to send some work through for both of them.

Good ole Doc Fraiser has already made sure I’ll have plenty to do during our stay. We only had time for a brief chat, but the upshot of it is Daniel’s going to need watching for the majority of our time here—medically speaking of course.

I kept trying to tell her everything’s fine, but she wasn’t having any of it. After explaining our plan to turn down the light thing day by day Janet rose concerns about what kind of effect that would have on us, and on Daniel in particular. I fetched Carter and the two of them batted it out for several minutes. They finally came to the conclusion that it was likely we could all suffer some mild withdrawal symptoms.

Peachy.

Fraiser then brought up another concern, involving Daniel surprise, surprise. Along with the withdrawal there are, apparently, more mundane conditions to watch out for. That was when the babbling started and I put a swift end to the conversation. She’ll now be sending “written instructions” along with the various medications I’m expected to force feed him on a daily basis, and a list of symptoms to look out for, ‘just in case’ she says. Well, if Daniel’s track record is anything to go by it’ll happen whether it’s medically possible or not. Definitely got my work cut out for me there.

I stand a while longer, taking in their expressions of utter horror and despair at the thought of being trapped on the god forsaken junkie planet together, or probably more accurately—with me.

Keeping the plastic smile firmly fixed to my face I break the silence. “Carter!”

“Yes Sir!” She responds on autopilot.

“No doubt General Hammond will be sending supplies through pretty quickly. Be ready for them, and get Loren to help you set things up.” I add as an afterthought, might as well try and include the kid.

“We’ll take a room each for a bit of privacy, but not too far from the gate. Base camp will be next to the DHD.” I wanted to add ‘and by no means let Daniel go near any balcony’s', but knew that was silly and I was being neurotic.

“Yes Sir.” Carter nods and walks off, rounding up Loren to explain what they’re going to do.

I watch her leave, noting how she strides from the room with an assured confidence I don’t ever remember possessing myself. She’s not worried. Of course what reason did she have to be? Me, on the other hand, I have plenty to worry about and the reason for most of it is hovering a little to my left. “Daniel!”

Daniel jumps a mile. My yell caught him off guard. I noticed he had kind of zoned out once I’d started giving orders to Carter. That’s probably one of the symptoms that will be on that dreaded list of Fraiser’s.

Catching himself in the action of knuckling his tired eyes Daniel covertly mumbles into his palm, “Jack, don’t yell. I have a headache.”

Oh great! Not even an hour into our stay here and I’ve already got something to report. I give him a stern look that hopefully communicates I’ve got something important to discuss with him and I want no distractions on his part.

“What?” Daniel asks, suspicious after a minute of me not responding to his obvious plight.

“Sit.” I command gently, pointing to the steps that descend into the light room.

“What? Why?” He says rather suspiciously.

“There is no ‘why?’ Daniel, just do it.” I have to work to keep the playful tone to my voice. I need him to stay calm because I need him to talk to me, but he can be extremely aggravating when he’s being petulant.

I watch various expressions cross Daniel’s face before he finally decides to submit and do as I ask.

My God… one simple thing and he has to analyse the shit out of it. Why in hell can’t things be simple when Daniel Jackson’s involved?

He doesn’t take his eyes off me as we sit down together on the steps leading out of the light room. I wanted to be as far away from the DHD as possible so Carter won’t hear. The last thing I need right now is Carter, ‘big sis’ extraordinaire, breathing down my neck while I ask this question.

Okay. Deep breathe Jack.

I turn to the side slightly so I’m facing him and get the show on the road… “So, how you feeling?”

“Fine.”

Humph. Should have seen that one coming…

“Do you, by chance, remember… anything? You know, before waking up here.” I spread my arms wide and give him a crooked smile. He looks at me, in that way he has, that suggests he’s already picked out my retirement home.

Whoa, it’s got hot in here all of a sudden. Why am I getting so damn flustered over this? Removing my jacket slowly I see Daniel rolling his eyes. Buying time to think of an answer that won’t provoke any more questions I bet.

Just as I’m about to toss my jacket to one side a thought occurs to me. “Aren’t you cold?”

“Freezing actually.” He agrees readily, and as nonchalant as ever.

“Damn it Daniel.” I grumble, leaning forward to drape my two sizes too big jacket over his shoulders. I can’t believe he didn’t say anything! Granted I should have thought about it the minute he came around in the ‘gate room, but he was so busy trying to get as far away from me as possible that all thoughts of reaction shock went out the window.

“Thanks,” he shrugs the jacket on, pulling it closed and holding it there with folded arms. “And no, not really”

“Huh?”

He ignores me, carrying on talking in soft tones regardless of whether I’m listening or not. He’s looking tired, sat next to me on the same step, his legs are drawn up tight enough he could rest his head on his knees. I swear to God he’s going to lull himself to sleep any minute.

“I don’t really remember anything. My head feels all fuzzy like I’ve been smoking something I shouldn’t.”

“That’ll be the drugs. Infirmary drugs,” I hastily add when I get another ‘well duh’ look. “Doc’s potions always got a kick to them.”

“Last thing I remember is yelling at you and then the General.” Daniel lowers his gaze and suddenly finds his feet to be extremely interesting. “I did apologise you know.”

“Good, he was worried about you. We all were.” I emphasize that last part. I want Daniel to know I’m not mad at him, even though I know I should be. Teal’c will no doubt say my anger is ‘illogical since Daniel Jackson was not aware of the lights addictive quality prior to visiting P4x-347 O’Neill.’ Since when has anger, generated from worry, been logical?

“I guess I was a bit of an ass to you too.” He adds a little shyly, just as I’m fighting back the demon that wants to yell and scream at him for getting himself into this mess in the first place.

“No more than usual.” The off-hand remark draws a small smile. “It’s okay. Anyway, wasn’t your fault, this time at any rate.”

“I guess not.” Daniel agrees, although he sounds less than convinced.

“Are you sure you don’t remember anything?” I’m still worried about him, and I can tell he’s hiding something, don’t ask me how, but I know.

“Positive. Why?” Daniel asks, now concerned that something bad has happened.

It has. But I’m not ready to tell him about any of it just yet.

“No reason, it’s not important.” I say lightly, patting Daniel’s knee as I stand. Daniel remains on the ground a few moments longer, probably trying to make sense of my rather odd behaviour. “You coming?” He blinks twice before taking my proffered hand and hoisting himself up.

Daniel

I think I’m going crazy. Jack gives me a hint something awful may have happened and then won’t tell me what! It’s only been a few hours and he’s already getting on my nerves. General Hammond has sent lots of supplies, cots, blankets, MRE’s—the whole nine yards. Even sent me some work to complete while I’m here. There’s plenty to do already, but, to be honest I’m not that keen on translating any of the writings here anymore; this place gives me the creeps. Now I know what this palace was used for, having nearly died because of it makes it less than enthralling. I can’t seem to concentrate on much at the moment anyway. Tried to write in my journal, but found myself just scribbling nonsense in the margins. There’s some good stuff just outside, but Jack’s being a grouch and him and Sam have ganged up on me. They told me in no uncertain terms that I am not to leave the building, hell I’m not even allowed out of the room without informing them first let alone venture outside! Damn it! This is crazy. What could have possibly happened to make them this jumpy?

“Daniel!”

The loud, grating noise stops me dead in my tracks. With a gradual slump to my shoulders I turn around to face my current nemesis.

“Jack?” I do my best to keep the irritation out of my voice, but there is only so much ‘mother henning’ a guy can take in one day.

“Where’re you going?” He barks out without pause.

I sigh melodramatically, hoping he gets the hint. “To the bathroom.”

A strange expression crosses his face. It’s almost as if he’s having an internal argument with himself on whether to let me go alone or not.

“Okay, be quick”

Nodding in understanding I make my way to the Gould version of a toilet. Obviously the saner side of Jack O’Neill won this time, or more accurately the slightly less insane side.

I take the long route back to what we’ve recently dubbed our living room. I theorised due to the extensive amount of open space and arrangement of ugly gold decorated benches around the perimeter that it was probably used as the palace welcome room. Where the Gould would all hangout showing off who got the biggest ring before proceeding to get high together under their toxic lava lamp.

While I’m weaving in and out of several pillars on my way back I run my last conversation with Jack through my head over and over. There is definitely something he isn’t telling me, and Sam’s acting strange too. They’re always a little over-protective of me and, okay, I get the picture—I DIED. Not just another close call either—I actually died. Flat-lined just before Jack carried me through the gate apparently. I may not remember any of it, but I can understand how Jack might feel a little edgy since I seem to die on him a lot. Problem is I get the feeling there is more to it this time. Jack’s had this plastic smile stuck to his face all day. He’s even being nice to me, the bastard, and every time I turn around he’s staring at me. I’ll find out what he’s hiding, just give me a couple of days…

Sam

Well it’s been two hours since the General sent through our supplies. Loren and I have managed to set up rooms for the three of us to one side of the gate room. I’ve put the Colonel next to Daniel figuring he’s going to want to do a lot of hovering over the next few days, if not weeks. From the quick debrief he gave me, as we walked the beach the first time, Daniel flat-lined just before coming through the ‘gate. I feel bad because Teal’c and I weren’t there when they came through, I’m sure the Colonel could have done with some moral support while he tried to coax Daniel to breath again.

He hasn’t mentioned yet what happened before hand, at Daniel’s apartment. All I do know is that Colonel O’Neill brought Daniel into the infirmary unconscious and suffering the same effects as the rest of SG5. He hasn’t told Daniel what happened to SG5, most likely waiting for the right opportunity, if there is such a thing. And since the Colonel’s not talking I figure its best I keep mum for a while.

My current problem is the Colonel’s already bored and, strangely, so is Daniel. He’s been wandering around aimlessly for the past half hour. I started to suspect something wasn’t right when, after Colonel O’Neill ordered me to find out where he’d gotten to, I found him spinning around a gold pillar in the corridor. He’s irritable, restless and despite me giving him various different tasks to help out he can’t seem to keep his mind on anything for longer than a few minutes. Now I may not have as much first hand experience as Daniel when it comes to surviving withdrawal, but I know the symptoms when I see them. I have to admit I’m worried, I’m pretty sure the Colonel’s and my limited time away from the building did no serious harm; we should be able to survive three weeks here with little more than conversation starters to worry about. Unfortunately, it looks as if Daniel isn’t going to be so lucky.

Jack

If Daniel asks me once more why he can’t go outside ‘even just for a little while’ as he puts it I swear I’ll explode. He really is driving me nuts. Looking over to where he’s finally managed to settle himself for longer than a minute I can’t believe what I’m seeing.

“Daniel for cryin’ out loud put that damn coat back on!” I bellow across the room. I can see his hands shaking a mile a minute, yet Daniel doesn’t even appear to be aware of it.

“Jack, I’m fine, stop fussing.”

“I’m not fussing Daniel. Dr Fraiser has threatened me with serious bodily harm if I don’t look after you. If you catch pneumonia she’ll have my ass in a sling. Hell she’d be through that wormhole herself if the General would allow it!” I yell as I pull the jacket out from under him and force it back on his person. He stands limp; glaring at me over the top of his glasses, the jackets so big on him I can’t see his shaky hands anymore.

“Jack I’m okay I don’t need looking after and I’m really not cold anymore.”

I sigh and slowly all the anger drains away. It isn’t his fault. I haven’t told Daniel anything about what happened to him, it was hard enough telling him he died, going into the details of how that came about would have been pure torture. Now however I’m getting the feeling not telling him will cause more pain in the long run. The withdrawal is going to be hard enough on all of us without adding emotional trauma into the mix. I don’t want to think about it to be honest, but I figure he needs to know why I’m behaving the way I am and probably why he’s behaving the way he is as well, I bet he’s confused.

“Look Daniel, you may feel fine, but trust me when I say this, you’re still very ill.” He stares at me as if I’ve grown another head, by the way he’s chewing on his lower lip and shifting from one foot to the other I get the feeling I’m making very little sense.

I can physical see his concentration wavering so I hastily try to clarify further. “Fraiser’s filled me in on some symptoms she wants me to watch for…”

Come on Daniel you know the drill, we’ve done this before remember? I have to admit I’ve tried my best over the years to forget about that bitch Princess and her Sarcophagus, but one thing I know I’ll never be able to forget is what she did to Daniel. I so hoped he’d never have to go through anything like that again. After seeing Daniel out on that ledge though, and now knowing the cause, I don’t think my wish has been granted.

“Jack? What are you talking about?” He asks sounding very unsure of himself. Oh god I’ve got him worried.

I hesitate for a second, ready to chicken out, but feel Carter’s eye’s boring into the back of my head and I’m perpetually aware I have no way out of this one. For cryin’ out loud Jack—you better know what you’re doing.

“Carter you might as well hear this too.” I yell without taking my eyes off Daniel looking confused in front of me.

“Sir?”

Yeah, good one Carter.

“Don’t pretend you’re not eavesdropping, get over here.” She gives me an evil stare as she walks over, like protocol and respect for rank is the only thing stopping her from tearing me a new one. “Let’s consider this a little debrief,” I indicate we should all sit before saying anything further. “I realise things have moved rather quickly, but I think it’s important the two of you are brought up to speed.”

“Jack—”

“Daniel,” I hold one finger up to hush him. This was going to be difficult.

Sam

Well we finally filled Daniel in on what happened to SG5, he didn’t take it too well. Daniel always was one for guilt trips. Constantly beating the odds when everyone around you is dropping like flies can do that to a person. As for myself, our little group chat didn’t really tell me anything I didn’t already know. The blanks that still remain I intend to quiz the Colonel on right now. I just can’t take it anymore. I’m going to find out what happened between him leaving the base and returning with an unconscious Daniel, even if it means insubordination charges.

“Sir, I need you to check this.” Calling out to him I point at a random panel on the light device, hoping my rouse isn’t too obvious, luckily with Daniel only half with us I don’t think it should be a problem.

“Coming Carter.” I watch as the Colonel gets up slowly from the floor. He’s always reminding us his knees aren’t what they used to be; its times like this that I notice.

“What’s up?” He asks, casting a less than subtle glance over his shoulder back at where he just left Daniel.

“Colonel I need to know what happened to Daniel—before you brought him to the infirmary.”

Jack

“Where’s Loren?” I desperately try to change the subject.

“Sir please, I need to know.”

“You know what happened, Carter.” I say, trying to stay on the offensive.

“No Sir, you’ve told me everything but.” Uh oh, she sounds real pissed.

God, I don’t know if I can do this. I look between Carter’s determined face and Daniel still sitting crossed legged on the floor trying to hide from us under one of the benches. Every time I look at him I flash back to the moment I first caught sight of him on the balcony at his apartment. I see myself, clear as day, approach the ledge. Daniel turns, that single tear running down his cheek as he says my name. The only thing that goes through my mind, over and over, is that it’s my fault he’s out there. That tear is because I missed something, failed in my job as his friend and self-appointed guardian. When I turn back to Carter she’s got that look in her eye again. I’m in shit.

“Sir, I’m just concerned.” She sighs and all traces of anger leave her face.

“I know. So am I.” I admit.

Hell she’s going to find out sooner or later, I might feel better about dealing with this if someone else knows anyway. Misery sure does love company.

I hate clichés.

Daniel

They’re discussing something over there. Sam asked Jack a question about The Light that should have taken him all of ten seconds to answer with ‘I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about Carter’. It’s been over ten minutes and they’re still talking. Actually it’s Jack doing most of the talking with Sam adding a word in here or there accompanied by an understanding nod. She has her listening face on, the one that lets everyone know Major Carter has gone home for the day.

I know it’s me they’re talking about because Sam keeps staring at me when she thinks I’m not looking. They think I’m in withdrawal because I’m sulking under a Gould bench. I think I have good reason to be sat under here. What Jack just told me about SG5 has knocked me for six. I spent the last week with those guys! It was bad enough knowing Barber killed himself, but to find out the whole team is now dead makes me feel…you know I’m not sure how that makes me feel. But nether less, just because Jack saved my life for the umpteenth time doesn’t mean he and Sam can go off and discuss me behind my back. There’s absolutely nothing I can do about it though, so I’m not going to waste the energy trying.

Most of what Jack said in our little debrief does explain his slightly neurotic behaviour of late however. According to the med report I’m at high risk of suffering from low blood pressure, which can cause me to be light headed and dizzy apparently—kind of explains why I feel like I haven’t had coffee in a week. Plus the usual suspects when combating drug addiction; difficulty concentrating, increased irritability, restlessness etc, etc. Been there, done that and bought the t-shirt.

I tried to be a smart ass and point out that we were all in the same boat, and Jack was just obsessing over me because he thought I was incapable of looking after myself. He shot me down with the very annoying, and logical, argument that he and Sam only had limited exposure and, although still just as addicted, they never went into full withdrawal like I did. It was at this point Jack fell silent; it took a nudge from Sam and a rather drawn out ‘Jaack’ from me before he came back to us. Something to ask about later I think.

I want to get up and walk off my frustration, but can’t seem to gather enough energy to stand at the moment, so I settle for just banging my head against the wall.

The end result of all this is that Jack and Sam should be fine to spend the next three weeks as they please, their addiction lessening with each day as we turn down the machine. I on the other hand have already started experiencing some minor difficulties, and will no doubt suffer a number of other annoying symptoms until my body adjusts completely to the sudden reintroduction of whatever it is that we’re addicted to.

I swear a higher power has it in for me.

Sam

“Well?”

“Sir, I don’t know what to say.” I answer honestly. I truly am speechless.

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” He sighs quietly.

We both glance in Daniel’s direction and stare for a while in mutual silence.

“Sir?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you going to be okay?” I ask as he turns to leave. I have to admit if it were me who had found Daniel on the wrong side of his balcony railing I wouldn’t be handling it too well.

He gives me a look that’s pretty hard to interpret, curves the corner of his mouth and walks away. He’s really upset and clearly blames himself, there’s going to be no way he’ll let this go anytime soon.

I continue to watch him cross the room, stealing another sly look at Daniel when he passes him on the floor. I almost call out, but bite down on the urge. I can see where he’s headed, out into the corridor where there’s nothing to remind him of our reason for being here, he needs to be alone for a while.

Day 2
Jack

“Morning Campers, sleep well did we?” No one answers, great, just great. Why do I bother? In retrospect I’m probably being a little hard on them, after all not everybody’s a morning person like me.

So I’m up and ready for another fun filled day of Daniel watching. Yesterday didn’t go too badly; I did my best to tame my ‘mother henning’ as Daniel calls it. After I came clean about what Janet said he became a little more subdued and easier to handle. I think I scared him, reminded him of the last time he went through withdrawal. I did my best to reassure him that this is a different situation and it would be nowhere near as bad. Hope I’m right for both our sakes.

“Thanks, Carter.” I say as she hands me a steaming cup of coffee. I need the stimulant if I’m going to survive the rest of day.

“Daniel, you okay?” When I don’t get an answer I question whether I should push it or let sleeping dogs lie for the moment. I know for a fact Daniel slept as well as I did last night.

Just as I decide it best to leave him for the time being Carter decides otherwise.

“Daniel? You want coffee?”

When Carter doesn’t get an answer I can’t help but turn to look at him. Even a little off kilter I couldn’t imagine Daniel turning down coffee.

“Daniel! Coffee!” I snap, clicking my fingers in front of his face as if I were a hypnotist waking him from a trance.

He answers calmly, like nothing is out of the ordinary. “What?”

“Coffee Daniel?” She repeats.

“Err, no…”

I couldn’t help it I had to check. “Well there’s no fever” I jest. Daniel smacks my hand away from his forehead.

“I’m fine Jack, just tired, you know?” Yeah kid, I know all too well. The walls are by no means thick around this place.

I was about to make a reply everyone could hear when Loren joined us for breakfast and started talking enthusiastically about leaving. Carter’s managing to answer most of his Earth related questions, so I divide my attention between their rather animated conversation and Daniel, who seems to have zoned out on us once again. Today could be a long day.

Daniel

Today is going to be a long day, I can tell. I really hate this. Why me? Why the hell is it always me? I suppose I’m being a little over dramatic, I guess I should be asking ‘why not me?’ What the hell makes me so special and different from everyone else anyway? I should be grateful, SG5 are dead, and I’m alive. I’ve got no right to whine about it.

Breakfast finished over an hour ago, I excused myself and haven’t seen anyone since. I was just so tired after last night that I thought I might actually be able rest better during the day, but not so much luck. Sitting here at the entrance—or exit depending on how you see it—staring out at the sand I’m not allowed to make contact with was probably one of my more stupid ideas. The fresh air that wafts in occasionally is doing nothing but taunt me further.

“Daniel you ready?” Jack seems to have materialised out of nowhere and I just know I’ve got this dumb look on my face.

“Ready?” I repeat sounding extremely dim. Jack has a look on HIS face right now. It’s like he’s mentally counting to three before he answers. I must really be trying his patience.

“I need a blood sample to send back to Fraiser, remember?” His tone goes up at the end and I get confirmation, I’m driving him nuts.

“Oh, yeah, right.” I haven’t a clue what he’s talking about, I must have drifted off when he told me, doing that a lot lately. I roll my sleeve up anyway, I know Jack wouldn’t jab me with sharp needles for no good reason. Of course it could be revenge for pissing him off, which would be a good enough reason as far as Jack’s concerned.

“This shouldn’t hurt…much.” He says with a wince. I’m full of confidence.

Once he finally settles on a vein the needle goes in more smoothly than I expected. I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised that Jack knows how to draw blood, he is an Air Force Colonel after all, and he must have had some medical training. I admit I’m curious as to why Jack is doing this instead of Sam. She’s normally the one to administer any medical treatment. I just can’t be bothered to ask, he’ll only avoid the question anyway so I don’t see the point. I watch in silence as the tube fills, I’m not sure why but I can’t tear my eyes away. I know the small amount he’s taking won’t harm me, still I can’t help but think I’m losing a part of me, a part that I’ll never get back. Been feeling like that a lot lately.

“You okay?” Jack asks as he rolls my sleeve down now that he’s done, going so far as to refasten the cuff.

I’m not sure how he expects me to answer. Is he asking because he honestly wants to know or is he just asking out of politeness? If it’s politeness I should probably just lie and say ‘fine, thanks for asking’. If he really wants to know then, well that could take awhile…

“Ow!” Okay, Jack just pinched me. “Why’d you do that?”

“Because I asked if you were okay ten minutes ago and you still haven’t answered me.” Crap, took too long and now he’s mad at me again, best say something quick before he labels me completely cracked. I wouldn’t be surprised if Fraiser’s already reserved the rubber room for me.

“Sorry.” Well probably could have said something more, but to be honest I’m really not in the mood. It feels like it’s taking every effort to follow a conversation, let alone participate in one.

“Look, I’m going to report in, you gonna be okay for a few minutes?” Jack’s now standing, towering over me, how the hell does he move so fast at his age?

“Jack, stop fretting. I’ll be fine on my own.” I reply to his kneecap.

He’s obviously misread the lack of enthusiasm in my voice as something more than sheer exhaustion because Jack is now bent down on one knee, hand cupping the back of my neck. “Daniel, just humour me okay? Please? I know you don’t like it and believe me I like it even less, but you need someone watching out for you right now.”

I close my eyes, now it’s my turn to count to three. Okay, that answers my question as to why it’s him doing the medical stuff instead of Sam—he’s feeling guilty. I don’t know about what yet, since I don’t remember much from my stint under the influence, but I’m sure whatever it is really isn’t his fault. It’s like the Hathor thing all over again—guilt because he couldn’t protect me, you’d think after four years he’d realise I’m actually responsible for myself. It was obviously the wrong memory to resurrect because I feel my body involuntarily shiver at the very thought of the vile creature, and concentrate on pushing any memories of her out of my head.

I take a few deep breaths and finally open my eyes once I’m sure I’m not going to flip out at Jack. “I don’t need looking after.” He just glares at me. “Fine, yeah, okay, humour you.”

“That’s all I ask.”

Jack

Okay, one blood test down, god knows how many more to go. I’ve made my report to the SGC as arranged and given Fraiser a report on Daniel’s progress. She was, as predicted, less than impressed with what I had to say. I’ll get her results during check in tonight, I can hardly wait to hear how bad off he is. I’m sure she’ll try to reassure me with the ‘you’re doing your best’ speech. If I were doing my best he wouldn’t be in this situation in the first place.

I make my way back to where I left Daniel; he hasn’t budged an inch, sat with legs out straight staring at his hands lying idle in his lap. I guess I better think of something good we can do with our day.

Later…much later;

It’s now nearly mid afternoon on what is turning out to be a really crappy second day… and apparently it can only get worse. The fact that I hardly slept a wink last night, combined with my having to report Daniel is experiencing every symptom on that stupid list, doesn’t even compare to what I have to endure right now. The sudden shift in Daniel’s mood from this morning is disturbing to say the least. A silent and detached Daniel is much easier to deal with than the current incarnation.

“Danny, for cryin’ out loud! Sit still!” I’m at breaking point. I don’t know how much more of this I can take! He’s been extremely irritable and restless since lunch, after I gave him his meds. I’m starting to think his downing them with coffee was a bad idea.

It’s taken all my energy to get him settled for what I hope is going to last longer than two minutes. We’re currently sitting side by side on the floor looking through old mission reports and photos to find connections to some language Daniel’s been asked to translate for SG11. I say ‘we’ because, in my infinite wisdom, I decided the best way to stop Daniel’s jitters was to get him started on some work. I had originally thought this would be perfect. It’s something simple Daniel could normally do with his eyes closed, but the minute I sat him down and laid the books out in front of him he was totally over-whelmed with the task. Daniel took one look at what it was I was asking him to do and just stared blankly back at me, his big blue eyes as wide as saucers.

I’d obviously misjudged the situation, but instead of admitting defeat and finding something a little less taxing, I offered to help. He seemed unsure at first, but eventually conceded. Now I’m thinking it was a big mistake, I feel like I’m working with a pre-schooler. It reminds me of those flash cards kids use to learn to read. Where you match pictures with the words? I think Charlie had a set. This is the same sort of thing, only with weird alien languages.

“God damn it!” He curses, sending his pen flying across the room.

“What now?” I ask as calmly as possible.

It’s not easy. I know it’s not his fault and I know not being able to do this must be incredibly irritating for him, but I’m finding it extremely difficult to see him like this. If I were a completely selfish bastard I’d have walked away hours ago.

“I can’t write anything down.” He huffs, folding his arms firmly across his chest.

I sigh. I have no clue what he’s talking about now, I thought we were still playing the matching game. “Why?”

“My hands are shaking too much.” The words are spoken into his chest so come out slightly muffled, but I catch them all the same.

“It’s okay Daniel.” My own voice sounds drawn; I’m too tired to put any feeling into it. To make up for the lack of enthusiasm my hand grips his shoulder in what’s meant to be a sympathetic one-armed hug.

“No Jack, it isn’t. I hate this.” It doesn’t offer the support intended.

Refusing to release my hold I try again to reassure him this isn’t the end of the world. “Fraiser thinks these symptoms should only last a few days, until your body adjusts again.” I left the ‘if we’re lucky’ line off figuring it wouldn’t help his mood any.

He doesn’t answer me. Instead he slams the book in front of him shut and throws it to one side, hanging his head in defeat once again. I sigh again. Daniel’s making my life hell and I can’t help contemplating what the dreaded next nineteen days are going to be like.

Sam

“Carter, where are Daniel’s meds?” The Colonel yells from the other side of the room. Why he’s asking me I don’t know, he had them last.

“I don’t know sir.” I shout back. The agitated look I receive from him tells me he actually knows where the meds are and was using the line as a subterfuge. Taking the hint I casually make my way over.

Once I’m a bit closer I notice Daniel sitting on the floor surrounded by books, he looks fine, I think the Colonel’s just over reacting again.

“Damn it!” Daniel curses as he throws one of his books against the far wall. It lands with a loud bang that echoes around the barren room. Okay, so maybe not so fine after all.

The Colonel doesn’t even bat an eyelid at Daniel’s outburst as he stands up, stretching overly tired limbs. I cringe in sympathy when he catches my eye and starts in my direction. Daniel’s probably been like this all afternoon.

“Watch him for a second will ya? I need a break.” He whispers tersely, knocking my shoulder as he passes me by.

I wait ’till I’m sure the Colonel’s out of earshot before shoving my hands into my pockets and asking as casually as possible, “You need some help Daniel?”

Daniel doesn’t answer me, I’m not even sure if he heard. From the way he’s sitting, arms resting on bent knees, eyes closed, I’d say he’s got a killer headache, possibly a migraine. Feeling more than a little useless, I decide the best thing to do would be to let him know I’m here if he needs me. Taking careful steps around the jumble of books, papers and photos on the floor—some I recognize as past mission reports—I settle down next to him, mimicking his cross-legged position.

I’m not sure what my next move should be, Daniel’s obviously not in the best of moods and the last thing I want to do is upset him more than he already is.

“Please leave me alone.” Daniel says in a monotone.

Deciding that telling him ‘I can’t Colonel’s orders’ would definitely push him over the edge I try and change the subject. “What are you working on?”

“Nothing important.” He mutters into thin air. His eyes are still shut and now that I’m closer I can see the minute tremors running through each hand.

“Well, maybe I can help.”

Daniel suddenly turns and glares at me and I’m suddenly struck with the realisation that I may have said the wrong thing. He quickly scrambles to his feet and walks away, kicking uncaringly at anything in his path.

“I don’t need any help from you or anybody else! And I most definitely don’t need a babysitter!”

He’s looking at me daring me to say something, anything so he can complete his tantrum and storm off. I want to yell back at him, scream even, but I can’t. Instead I choose to repeat over and over that this isn’t his fault, that he doesn’t mean it.

“Hey, what the hell’s going on?” Daniel spins around at the Colonel’s terse call when he re-enters the room.

“Why can’t you both just leave me alone?” He snaps angrily, looking at us both in turn.

Oh boy is Daniel going to get it now. Jack O’Neill has never been famous for his patience, and if I’m right, by the look on his face, Daniel has just pushed him past his limit.

Jack

Okay Jack. One…two…three, deep breath.

“I’ll ask again, what’s going on?” This time I keep my tone level, in a feeble attempt to control the situation. What he just said, or rather yelled at Carter, was way out of line and at this point I’m not averse to putting him in a time out. If he’s going to act like a five year old I might as well treat him like one.

Just as he looks about ready to make an obnoxious reply Daniel whimpers, swaying slightly on his feet he quickly draws a hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose and subsequently sends his glasses crashing to the floor. I’m thinking the headache he mentioned earlier has taken a turn for the worse.

Taking pity on him I put my annoyance to one side for the moment and make my way over. Taking his sleeve I pull Daniel’s hand away from his face and guide him out of the room we currently inhabit, back through the light room and towards the DHD where all our medical supplies are. I turn to signal Carter to pick up his glasses and follow but she’s already by my side, glasses in hand. I really couldn’t ask for a better second-in-command, could I?

Daniel doesn’t make a sound as I take him by the shoulders and push him down to sit leaning against the wall while I gather his medicine. I offer him one pill at a time, which he takes without argument. Daniel hasn’t said a word to me but I know he’s in a lot of pain and, by the look of him, probably feeling more than a little embarrassed about his most recent behaviour. He’s a smart guy, he knows what’s happening, he knows what he’s feeling isn’t real, which is probably worse come to think about it, because he also knows he can’t do much except ride it out.

Daniel swallows the last pill with one final gulp of water. Looking completely wiped out and in a total daze I can’t help but feel sorry for him. After how he’s behaved today I’d have expected him to bitch and give me attitude about the pills, the indignity of not being trusted to take the meds himself. Instead I can see he really is putting every effort toward dealing with this, and I can’t help a feeling of pride overwhelm me at how hard he’s fighting.

Carter bends down and hands him his glasses that he shyly accepts, offering a small but apologetic smile, which she duly returns, before excusing herself to go finish whatever it is I interrupted.

After clearing up the pill bottles and foil packets I lean over and take the canteen from Daniel. In the split second where my head passes his I plant a quick kiss on his forehead before standing. He looks up at me rather perplexed and teary-eyed. I just shrug as if it’s no big deal, like I’ve done it hundreds of times. I haven’t of course; I don’t exactly make a habit of kissing my friends. Just something on Daniel’s face at that moment made me act. He looked ready to burst into tears, probably berating himself for acting out and completely fed up with the whole stupid situation. I wanted him to know I didn’t think any less of him for his behaviour today that I was actually proud of him for how well he’s dealing with it all. Since I knew I’d never be able to express my thoughts in actual words it seemed like the best course of action.

Now I come to think about it, I can’t remember a time when I haven’t been proud of him.

Day 3
Jack

Weighing up the general mood in the room I think I can safely say things have improved somewhat. Carter’s finally managed to relax a little, and has stopped panicking about what technological disasters have befallen the SGC. Daniel has been a complete pain in the ass, as per usual. As for me—I’m adjusting quite nicely.

“Okay kids time for bed!” I call cheerfully, sauntering across the room like I own the joint. Hey, it’s hard not to feel like the King of the castle when you have said castle all to yourself.

“Jack—”

“Ah, ah Daniel, you’re still sick and need to rest. I’m not suffering Fraiser’s wrath if you get rundown.” For cryin’ out loud Daniel I care about you. Will you just do as I say without argument for once?

“But—”

“Daniel!” I do the raised finger thing that tends to shut him up. I get the feeling it must have been something his father used to do ’cause I can’t think of another reason why one finger in the air would work so effectively otherwise.

“Fine” Daniel sighs melodramatically, picking himself up off the floor and heading towards his room. “You want to tuck me in too?”

That little shit, I just glare at his retreating back before turning it on the giggling Major to my left.

“Sorry Sir.”

Yeah I bet.

Daniel disappears into his room and I watch Carter expertly school her features; she’s going to ask me something. Three guesses what that might be.

“You think he’s going to be okay?”

The grin slips from my lips and I drop down beside her. “I don’t know Carter, I really don’t.”

After today I’d say it could go either way. I thought yesterday was bad, all moody and subdued one minute then fidgety and irritable the next. Today he’s been bounding around faster than the energiser bunny and, quite frankly, worn me out.

“He doesn’t know anything about what you told me, about how you found him out on his balcony, does he?”

“What was your first clue?” She gives me a knowing smile and I answer her seriously. “No, he doesn’t remember anything after arguing with the general… and I haven’t told him.”

“Sir—”

“Carter I know what you’re going to say, but to be honest I think he’s better off not knowing.” Not knowing how he scared me shitless. Not knowing how I nearly didn’t get to him in time. Not knowing how badly I failed him. Take your pick.

“He is going to remember eventually, it’s only a matter of time.” I look up and see her eyes are full of concern, whether it’s for Daniel or me is unclear. “Goodnight Sir.”

I idly wave goodnight as she retreats to her room.

Who am I kidding? I know damn well it’s only a matter of time before Daniel starts to remember, he’s already started having nightmares. I want nothing more than to go to him and offer the comfort he deserves, the comfort I need to give him right now. If nothing else it would certainly make me feel a lot better.

Despite the medication Fraiser’s given him, Daniel’s still suffering with bad headaches and mood swings. I’m starting to question if his remaining on the planet is such a hot idea. Carter and I seem okay, but aside from the fact that Daniel is obviously still alive this place isn’t really doing much for him. Mood swings aside, I think he’s having a difficult time reconciling with himself over making the same mistake twice, doesn’t matter how many times Carter attempts to reassure him know one could have known. He remembers clear as day what happened the last time he got addicted to alien technology—it’s engraved in my brain too, and I can see how terrified he is that this time he won’t make it through in one piece.

Rolling the random thoughts around my head a little longer before deciding I best try and get some sleep, I pack up our mini camp and take one last tour of the building before returning to my room. Daniel is still far from okay physically and mentally. I’m going to need my wits about me if I’m going to be able to keep track of him tomorrow. Normally when we’re off world there would be someone on watch, but with only Carter and me able to do so, it seemed pointless. The planet was abandoned years ago, Loren’s been here god knows how long and never seen anyone until SG5 and Daniel showed up. We’ve placed perimeter alarms at all the entrances, including one to alert us to any Stargate activity. It’s the best we can do under the circumstances.

Day 4
Sam

“Sam!”

“Sam, wake up!” I open my eyes the minute I realise who it is calling my name.

“Daniel? What’s wrong?” I question, feeling a hand grab mine and pull me up out of bed. “Hey hold on, what’s going on?”

I maybe Air force, but I still need a minute to gain my senses before dashing out of bed in the morning. He waits in the doorway shifting nervously from one foot to the other.

“I need your help with something.” He say’s excitedly once I join him. I look him up and down as we make our way out of my room. He’s already fully dressed and appears extremely hyper, which is unusual because he’s never really been a morning person.

“Daniel, are you alright? It’s really early.” I comment, casting a glance out of a passing window. The sun has only just started to rise.

Damn, I probably only fell asleep an hour ago.

He moves at a jog over towards a spiral stairway concealed in the corner of one of the smaller rooms leading off the main hallway.

Stairway?

“Daniel,” I say patiently to gain his attention, “where did those stairs come from?”

“I found them—look here there is this uneven stone iin tthe wall I was reading through some of the notes I made—before with SG5—I don’t know how I missed it the first time must have forgot I guess I don’t know—anyway it’s been here all the time might be interesting we should take a look—didn’t want to go alone Jack would freak so—”

“Daniel!” I yell so loudly it shocks him into silence. For a minute he looks as if he’s going to burst into tears and immediately I regret my outburst. “You need to slow down okay?” I say much more gently.

“Okay.” He says quietly, resuming his restless shifting from one foot to the other, watery eyes observing the floor.

“Okay.” I repeat, trying to come to grips with the strangeness of Daniel’s behaviour. He’s acting like an excitable little kid who just tied his shoes for the first time. “Now from the beginning, how—”

“Carter what the HELL is going on out here?” The Colonel bellows as he makes his way toward us, clothes still rumpled from sleep. I guess he heard me yell.

On any other day I dread moments like this, but today I’m actually thankful for the company, then my brain slowly wakes up and smells the coffee—literally.

“Jack!” Daniel yells enthusiastically before I can open my mouth.

The Colonel pauses a second, sensing something isn’t quite right, and then looks at me to explain what’s going on. I don’t say anything but give him a look that hopefully says I’ll explain in a second, I’ve just got something I need to do first.

“Daniel?” It takes a second for him to answer since his focus has shifted away from us back to his discovery. “Why don’t you get your notebook while I fill the Colonel in on what you’ve found, then I’ll help you okay.” I hated my tone, it sounded so god damn condescending. Daniel was smart, correction; Daniel is smart, I hate what this place is doing to him.

“Yeah, err good idea!” Once Daniel’s out of earshot I turn toward the Colonel, I’m not too sure how I’m going to word this without adding to his stress.

“Carter so help me if you don’t tell me what’s going on!”

“Sir,” I interrupt before he can go off on a tangent, “I think Daniel may have had a little too much coffee this morning.”

“Carter, what the hell are you talking about?!” He looks really tired; I doubt he slept much last night.

I know it’s not just Daniel’s current medical condition that’s worrying him—it’s Daniel in general. I just wish there was something more I could do, but I try to put those thoughts out of my mind for now and concentrate on the situation at hand.

“Sir I think Daniel’s been up most of the night. He woke me up about ten minutes ago because of this.” I point at the staircase behind me.

“Where’d they come from?” He asks as if only just registering their existence.

“That’s not important right now,” he looks at me sceptically, but lets me finish. “I’m sure Daniel will be able to explain later but for now we need to check him out and get him to take his medication.”

The Colonel continues to look at me as if everything I’ve just said was in Swahili. “I think Daniel is suffering from a caffeine overdose. He’s currently hyperactive, restless and having difficulty concentrating. His hands are freezing yet he’s sweating.” I watch as he processes the information; it doesn’t take long before comprehension dawns.

“Okay, okay I get the picture.” He concedes, wiping a hand over his face to cover up whatever emotions he’s trying to suppress right now. “You get his meds. I need to contact the SGC…”

I got the impression he had more to say but couldn’t give voice to his thoughts at the moment. So I saved him the trouble and followed his order without comment.

Jack

Okay, so it’s the beginning of day four and we’re off to a most fantastic start, Janet is going to have my head for this when the General passes on my report. The good news is, however, Daniel’s resting at the moment. Once I’d managed to track him down after contacting home Carter and I did our best to explain what had happened, but he didn’t really follow. In the end I used some of the emergency tranquillisers Doc had sent to knock him out and let him sleep it off. It seems Daniel, after having another nightmare no doubt, woke up before the rest of us and decided to make some coffee. He’s not supposed to be drinking coffee at all with the meds he’s taking, but Carter and I both decided Daniel would probably be worse off if he wasn’t allowed at least one cup in the morning. Of course Daniel being Daniel didn’t know when enough was enough and ingested more caffeine than his body could handle. The end product was an extremely hyper, annoyingly insistent, wired Daniel Jackson. I would have found it cute if not for the very seriousness of the situation.

From now on the coffee is going to be locked up in Carter’s room, where doped up archaeologists can’t get at it.

One thing I am puzzled about is the secret staircase he found. When I asked him about it he babbled something about his notebook, before moving onto a completely different subject. Unfortunately neither Carter nor I can find said book, Daniel’s forgotten where he put it and we’ve had no luck in locating it. I guess that’ll be something to talk about later when Daniel’s a bit more like himself again. I just know he’s going to be bugging me to investigate. There shouldn’t be any problem, it’s still in the building after all, and Carter’s assured me there would be no danger. No way is he going alone though, call me crazy, but I go into a panic every time Daniel’s out of my sight for more than a minute at a time.

“Jack?”

The quiet voice is sudden and unexpected, have I really been sitting here that long?

“Daniel? You okay?” I get up from the chair I parked next to the door and sit on the edge of his bed. Watching quietly as he rubs the sleep out of his eyes and examines the room.

“What happened?” Huh, what happened he asks, well what do I tell him? I decide to take the coward’s way out and put him off until I’ve got Carter as back up, she can explain things like this much better than I can.

“You had a little accident, nothing to worry about. Wanna get up?” He looks at me quizzically for a minute. I think he sees through my white lie but wisely chooses not to make an issue out of it at the moment. Instead he swings his legs around and attempts to stand, I see him struggle and wrap my right arm round his waist to help.

“Whoa!” He stumbles slightly, my grip immediately tightens and I support him with both arms. I try to lower him back down onto the cot but he shakes his head against my chest, eyes still closed. “I’m fine, just a little dizzy.”

“Daniel you should take it slow.” I insist when he doesn’t release his hold on the back of my shirt.

“No, I said I was fine, see.” He’s careful as he let’s go and slowly makes his way out of the dark room with me trailing after him. Stubborn little shit.

Daniel

I’m fine. I’m fine. I AM FINE.

I figure if I keep telling myself that then I might actually believe it, or convince the others at the very least.

Jack has told me to sit and not move from this position until he comes back. So here I sit, waiting by the DHD where we’ve built our mini camp. My notebook doesn’t seem to be anywhere in sight which is extremely frustrating, I’ve got a lot of stuff skittering around my head at the moment and it would be really handy if I could vent some of it. I’ve got images and sounds all mixed together, most I recognise from a few nightmares I’ve had recently, then there’s things I feel like I should know but don’t. God I’m so confused, my brain feels like it’s been on the merry go round far too long.

As much as it loathes me to admit, I feel slightly afraid. It’s silly because I know they’re just bits of dreams, but what I see feels like more than that—it feels real—and that scares me more than anything. I hate being afraid, well I guess everyone does, but I REALLY hate being afraid. What makes it worse is I’ve no idea why I’m so scared. I want to tell Jack, but don’t want to cause him any more concern. I’m pretty sure he’s had enough of my crap over the last three days. If I could find my note book and write it all down, put everything into context, things might start to make sense.

I scan the room but neither Sam nor Loren is in sight. It’s not night time. The Sun is still up, so they can’t be asleep. I contemplate getting up to search for my notebook myself. Jack surely didn’t mean I literally had to stay in this exact spot, just not leave the immediate area, right?

I’ve made my decision and brace both hands behind my back ready to stand when I realise I can’t remember where I had it last. I don’t even know what I was doing sleeping during the day. Jack said I’d had an accident. That would explain why he was in my room watching me sleep, but not how I ended up there in the first place. My head begins to swim with all the new questions and, recalling my earlier dizzy spell, I lower myself back down again. Feeling decidedly queasy as I drawn my knees up and lean back against the wall, closing my eyes’ seems like a good idea.

Think I’ll wait for Jack.

Jack

Oh god, look at him. He looks so lost sitting there, alone, knees drawn up to his chin. He’s got his arms wrapped full around his body as if he’s cold, but since this palace is holding at a comfortable twenty-five degrees I get the feeling it might be more of a comfort thing at the moment.

The only good thing I notice as I approach Daniel’s position on the floor is that his hands have stopped shaking. They still appear to have a slight twitch to them, but it’s hardly noticeable. Doc will be pleased. I hope this is a sign that Daniel’s over the worst. We won’t know until I take a blood sample and send it back, but I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

He doesn’t hear me approach so I clear my throat to get his attention.

“Hey.” I offer with a lame smile.

“Hey.” He smiles back. I hold up the needle to indicate my intentions before proceeding. I want Daniel to feel like he has some choice in the matter, even if it would be just an illusion.

“Yeah, okay” he agrees reluctantly.

“Good boy.”

I crouch down and make myself comfortable next to him while he rolls up his sleeve. We’ve had to do this so many times in the last few days I don’t need to explain anymore. I take his left wrist in my hand, find a good vein and draw the required amount of blood while Daniel sits there watching as the tube fills. It’s disgusting—I don’t know how he can. I’m an Air Force Colonel and even I can’t watch someone prod me with sharp objects. It’s just another amazing Daniel fact I suppose. Anyone who’d look twice at him would assume that such a cute kid would be scared of his own shadow. Not our Daniel—no way, has no fear apparently. I think the only thing that does scare him, and me on occasion, is himself.

There’s a lot that goes on in that brilliant mind of his, more than I think he’s able to handle at times. But then that’s why I’m here isn’t it? I take care of things like that when they become too much for him…or at least I used to. I don’t think he noticed what I was doing at first, still so naïve, had this whole independent, trust everyone philosophy going on.

Recently though…. Well I think I can safely say things haven’t been running quite as smoothly. Daniel’s become wise to ours ways for one thing. Our circumstances have gotten a lot more taxing as well. Last year was one big kick in the teeth after another for Daniel. I think his confidence took a good bashing. First blow had to have been when we all thought he had Stargate induced schizophrenia and tossed him to mental health.

NOT a moment I’m proud of.

It was practically the first time in three years Daniel truly needed my help, and I blew it! I’m so used to his strong independent streak that I didn’t see how completely helpless he was. What makes me feel so goddamn bad is that he rested his entire future on my believing his theory about the Machello bug.

Needless to say I didn’t fuck up a second time, but by then I think the damage had been done. It was a ‘time to face facts’ moment in our friendship. The obvious truth was Daniel trusts me implicitly with his life and I apparently don’t trust Daniel enough to believe he knows what’s best for him.

It’s a sad truth, I make no qualms about that, and it’s not something I’m able to change over night, but I am trying.

From then onward everything got rather shaky, though Daniel didn’t outwardly appear affected there was a distinct difference in his behaviour. He kept saying he was fine, but I knew better.

The situation didn’t really get a chance to improve much either. Roughly a month later Teal’c kills Shau’re, the love of his life, in an attempt to save Daniel. We get through that and a nasty case of being on the rebound when, after some arduous searching, Daniel finds’ the Harcesis child, only to have him taken away again. Add our little trip to hell and powwow with Apophis in-between those events and it makes a right crappy ole time. Now I think about it I don’t know why I’m so shocked Daniel climbed onto the wrong side of his balcony, he had plenty of reasons to be depressed without the aid of a Gould ecstasy pad.

I mentally slap myself when I realise where my mind was going. Daniel gives me an odd look, like he wants to ask if I’m okay but too scared of the answer I’ll give. I’m not sure of the answer myself to be truthful. I get the feeling I’m missing some important piece of the puzzle here and if I could only get it to fit, everything would be okay.

Looking at him now I want to tell him how afraid I am, how much it’s killing me not knowing what’s going on with him. I’m sat on the floor shoulder to shoulder with the guy I’d give my life to protect and unable to utter one word about how much he’s freaking worrying me right now. This must be what Carter and Fraiser refer to as male bravado. According to the women, if men just talked to each other about how they felt it would save a lot of time and heartache. So we aren’t good with feelings—sue us. Daniel and I are no exception. I love him, he’s my best friend and I suppose, if I’m honest, I act like a Dad to him on occasion. I guess I’ve just always hoped Daniel understood what he means to me and left it at that. I’m starting to think now however, after all the crap he’s been through that just knowing may not be enough.

Maybe a little positive reinforcement is all he needs to get him back to the naïve, often clueless Daniel that never lets anything get him down, that despite constant failure always bounces back. Granted, the ability to bounce back from just about everything could be thanks to the before mentioned clueless-ness. Everyone has to grow up eventually I guess.

Still, I want the carefree, unafraid Daniel back—the one that no matter how many times I’d yell at him he’d do the same thing again in a heart beat. The Daniel that walks into dangerous situations because he’s confident that if he falls I’d always be there to catch him. The Daniel Jackson that has faith in me to make everything right again.

“Jack?”

“Yeah Daniel?” I answer absently.

“We done?” I turn to face him and notice he’s already rolled down his shirtsleeve and is looking at me with mild concern

I ponder for a moment, wondering if this would be a good time to have a heart to heart. Unfortunately before I get a chance to answer him Carter comes bounding into the room.

“Sir I’ve got that report for you I…” Her sentence trails off when that keen female intuition every woman brags about kicks in and she realises she may have interrupted something. “Sorry.” Carter mutters, quickly turning and leaving the room in the same manner in which she entered.

Both Daniel and I exchange a funny look before carrying on, business as usual.

“We’re done!” I announce with enthusiasm, eyebrows raised to the hilt. “Now how about you tell me where those stairs came from ay?”

Daniel

“Stairs?” What the hell have I missed now?

“Yeah, don’t you remember?”

Jack’s using his gentle patronising tone again. I ignore it the best I can, I know he’s only being cautious because he thinks I’m a basket case. The way I’ve been feeling and acting recently, that description isn’t far off the mark. “Um guess not, what are you talking about?”

“According to Carter, before your… accident… you apparently discovered a secret staircase this morning.”

“Cool.”

“You could say that.” He nods. I can tell he’s just humouring me by the glint in his eye.

We spend another minute or two just looking at one another in various different ways. Then Jack does this thing where his lips thin and eyes narrow into a frown, all of a sudden an image from my dream flashes through my mind and I’m reminded of what I wanted to look for earlier. “Jack, do you know where my notebook is?”

“No afraid not. We were kind of hoping you’d remember where you left it.”

That’s odd, why would Jack, or Sam for that matter, want my personal notebook? “Oh. Why?”

“Because you told Carter you found the trigger for the stairs from the notes you made on the first trip.” His tone is less gentle now, has a little more edge to it. I think I’m trying his patience again.

“I did?” I reply innocently.

“Yes.” He says crisply. Definitely winding him up.

“Cool.”

“You already said that. Look Daniel are you sure your feeling okay? You seem a bit…” Jack wafts his hands in the air around his head. I think the gestures meant to suggest I don’t appear to be completely with it.

“You could say that.” I know this is slightly evil of me. Jack’s doing his best to make sure I’m going to be okay, but winding him up just seems so normal. I need normal right now.

“Okay. How about I show you the stairs then hopefully we’ll get your brain going again and you’ll remember something?”

I nod and Jack smiles. The fog in my head is starting to lift and I can feel my mind working clearly for the first time in what seems like forever. The images from my dreams are beginning to fade. I might actually be able to make it through today without any more major incidences.

Sam

“Sir everything okay?” I ask as both the Colonel and Daniel walk toward me. I feel like such an idiot barging in on them, I should know better by now.

“Everything’s fine Carter, just going to show Danny the staircase.”

Oops, guess my instincts were right, I interrupted one of those Jack/Daniel moments. You can always tell. No one ever calls Daniel ‘Danny’, except the Colonel, and that’s not often. It’s usually just a slip of the tongue on those occasions when he’s feeling slightly more paternal than normal. Daniel doesn’t appear to mind either way.

“Want some company?” I ask getting up off the floor and brushing myself off.

“Love some.”

We wander together over to the staircase. When I look over I notice Daniel seems to have improved from yesterday, he looks more alert, more like Daniel. Things are looking up.

Daniel

“Stairs!” Jack announces as though he’s a magician who’s just pulled off his big finale.

“Yes I can see.” Interesting, I wonder how I found them.

“Did you find your book Daniel?” Sam asks me.

“No, he doesn’t remember.” Jack answers for me. Huh.

Usually that would annoy me, but today I couldn’t care less. The short walk from one end of the palace to the other has provoked what I believe to be the start of a killer headache, and I’m in no mood to talk.

“Jack!”

“Loren, where’d you come from?” Jack asks suspiciously.

Loran’s an okay kid, I haven’t seen much of him. He’s been here a long time on his own and I guess it takes awhile to get used to being with people again.

“Around.” He replies cryptically, before wandering off again.

“Uh huh.” Jack doesn’t like the thought that there are hiding places in here that he isn’t aware of. Creep’s him out. Jack’s real paranoid sometimes, but I guess that’s the whole special ops thing coming out.

“Jack can we take a look?” Jack suddenly turns toward me with a curious look on his face, since I haven’t spoken in the last ten minutes he must have forgot I was standing here.

“Carter, what do you think?”

That’s it Jack, lets double check with Auntie Sammy to see if it’s safe enough for poor fragile Daniel, why the hell not? I’d love to yell at him right now but my heart isn’t in it, so I settle for a scowl instead.

“I don’t see any harm sir; we’ll still be in rather close proximity of the light device.”

Thank you Sam! Now let’s go before my headache escalates and I end up collapsing in a heap on the floor. I take no more than one step forward when Jack pulls me back by the cuff of my jacket. What now?

“Hold your horses Danny, Carter you first and you—” Jack wafts his index finger in my face so there’s no mistaking who he’s talking to, “-stay where I can see you.”

There’s no polite way I can answer that so I settle for a curt nod of the head and give Jack my best ‘I’m hurt you don’t trust me’ expression.

Jack

Okay things are going well so far. The stairs opened up to, what appears to be, a rather large private room complete with furnishings. We’ve since exited said room and are now checking out the long hallway just outside. Daniel’s doing as he’s told for a change and not straying more than a few feet from where I am, always within sight. I know he probably feels a little resentful towards me for treating him like a brat, but at the moment it really is necessary, if only for my own peace of mind.

“Find anything interesting Daniel?” Carter asks him as they stroll into and straight out of another room. This second floor seems to be nothing more than a selection of private bedrooms. No need to guess what they might have been used for.

“Not really, the script is all very similar to what’s downstairs as far as I can tell. This palace truly was nothing more than a recreational facility.”

“A Gould Holiday Inn?” I’m surprised. That little comment actually made them both smile.

“I guess.” Daniel answers rather half-heartedly, slumping against the nearest wall. Oh dear, if I’m guessing right he was probably hoping to find something of great significance up here to keep his mind off what ever it’s currently stuck on. Poor kid, it seems he can’t catch a break.

“Hey this is different.” Carter perks up from inside another doorway.

Daniel turns to look at me, and the minute I nod my approval he quickly follows her inside. I stand stunned in the hallway for a moment and shake my head at the peculiarity of Daniel actually asking my permission before doing something, before following myself.

“This room was probably for more high ranking guests.” Daniel states, scanning the vast area. The room’s at least twice the size of all the others, twice as nice too.

“Sir I’m getting some strange energy readings.”

“What kind Carter?”

“I think I’m detecting Naquada.” She sounds surprised for some reason.

“Well this place is Gould, Major, is that so surprising?”

“Yes, well no not in that respect, but sir I’ve done several scans of the area and haven’t found any evidence of the element except a trace amount in the light room, and the ‘Gate of course. Now I’m detecting at least five times that amount.”

“Where’s it coming from?” Okay that’s peaked my interest; maybe something good can come out of this mess after all.

“I’m not positive exactly, but my best guess would be outside, that way.” She points to what would be West, if this were Earth.

“We’ll include it in our report to Hammond, someone else can come back and investigate once we confirm that thing down stairs has been switched off.” As interested as I am, I’ve got other things on my mind at the moment. We can’t leave anyway so getting her hopes up would just be cruel.

“Yes sir. I’m guessing I didn’t detect it before because something in or around the palace is interfering. The readings must be clearer the higher you are.”

“Yes, there is that I suppose.” I drawl. Carter knows I’m not interested, but I try to humour her all the same.

“Wow, you can see for miles out here!” Those words freeze the blood running through my veins. It’s Daniel’s voice, but as I look around the room I can’t see him. My heart skips a beat.

“Daniel?” I call out tentatively quelling the panic building inside. There’s no way he could be…? Is there? He said ‘out here’ and that would mean he’s outside, but we’re on the second floor. How could he be outside if we’re on the second floor? The only way that could happen is if there’s…Oh God. No.

I’ve run off in the direction of Daniel’s voice before Carter has a chance to say ‘Sir!’ It’s deja vu. Daniel is currently standing not two feet in front of me, leaning slightly to look down over a balcony railing. I’ve lost all the feeling in my body.

“Daniel?” I say, just like I did before back at his apartment.

“Jack, come out here, there’s a great view.” He answers, oblivious to the strain in my voice.

“Daniel, come inside please.” He doesn’t hear me, just leans further over the ledge, his feet no longer touching the floor.

I can’t stand it, the feeling comes rushing back into my legs and before I know it I’ve stepped out onto the ledge with him. My hands tightly gripping the rail to stop me from yanking him back inside.

“You okay Jack?” He turns to me, setting himself back on both feet.

I must be looking pretty freaked-out right now. I know Daniel’s not suicidal and is currently standing on the correct side of the railing, but that doesn’t stop the images from flashing through my mind. I remember pulling him back over the ledge, shaking like a leaf. He was talking a mile a minute, wanting to know why I was in his apartment, and oddly enough, where his socks were. At the time I took no notice, concentrated all my effort on hugging the shit out of him while demanding to know exactly what he thought he was playing at. I never got an answer because it was at that point Daniel chose to pass out in my arms.

Pulling myself out of my memories I answer him. I try to sound as casual as possible while, at the same time, I’m thinking of a suitable excuse to get him back inside without making a scene.

“Yeah, fine. I thought you were scared of heights?” I can handle this.

“I’m not scared of heights, just don’t like them. Balcony’s are fine, they’re safe.” And just to prove it he jumps up and down a few times.

Not being able to control myself any longer I grab him, a hand round each wrist halfway through the second jump. “Daniel I get it.” With that I spin him around and nudge Daniel back into the room. I’ve still got one hand holding onto the underside of his left sleeve and I’m not letting go anytime soon. He’s looking at me, eyebrows raised questioningly.

“What’s wrong?” Daniel asks innocently.

“Nothing.” I say while moving us both out of the room and into the hallway at breakneck speed. I want to be as far away from that balcony as possible. Carter follows in our wake and, by the look on her face, completely understanding my reaction.

As soon as we’re finished our investigation the second floor is off limits, Daniel’s not going to like it but I don’t care. I doubt I’ll ever be able to see Daniel with more than one foot off the ground ever again. He’s definitely going to have to move apartments.

Sam

Well another day is done, since our little trip up the mystery staircase I’ve managed to fill Daniel in on his earlier episode and explained why he’s banned from making coffee for the remainder of our stay here.

Despite his reaction to Daniel’s impromptu trip onto the upstairs balcony, which he handled marvellously considering, the Colonel’s been a little happier today. Our report to the SGC probably has a lot to do with it. Janet’s convinced Daniel’s over the worst, she’ll still need to check his blood work everyday, but his improvement is encouraging. That, at least, means we’ll have our Daniel back. Hopefully, if there aren’t too many emotional repercussions to his being addicted, our time here shouldn’t be too strenuous after all. I’m keeping my fingers crossed, but he still doesn’t seem to have remembered his suicide attempt so I’m not holding my breath. Instead I’m going to join the Colonel and enjoy the time we have together, Teal’c's been given permission to visit for a couple of days next week which should be fun. If Daniel does remember anything while we’re still confined at least the whole team will be here for him.

Day 6
Jack

It’s now late on our sixth day trapped in this hell hole. Carter cooked dinner, which could be considered a miracle in itself. I trust Carter with explosives, I trust her watching my six, but if there’s one thing scarier than a Gould’s fashion sense, its Carter’s cooking.

It’s now been two nights in a row that Daniel has been extremely restless and then woken up screaming. I haven’t said anything, but I know Carter’s heard him too. I can’t sleep because I know Daniel’s not and I’m pretty sure Carter doesn’t normally have those bags under her eyes. It’s time to have that talk.

“Daniel?” Daniel looks up at me suspiciously from his notebook.

He’s being pissy again about not being allowed to go outside to check out those statues. It’s tough! I could kill Carter for mentioning we might be okay to leave the building for limited amounts of time without feeling too many side effects. He knows damn well why he especially can’t risk leaving the building. I don’t care that his blood work appears to have stabilized! He may not be suffering from any major withdrawal symptoms anymore, but that does not change the fact that he is still very weak from his near death experience and if anything were to happen the odds of him pulling through a second time are stacked against him.

“Daniel I think we need to talk.”

“About?” Oh no, don’t try that innocent act with me kiddo, you know damn well what about.

I watch as he stiffens under my scrutiny. Loren has gone to bed and I see Carter move out of the corner of my eye. I wish it was just Daniel and me for this conversation, he’s going to see it as two against one, but I have no other choice. Daniel’s been avoiding being alone with either one of us for the past two days and the beginning of his nightmare scream-a-thon. I get the feeling the upstairs balcony might have triggered some of his memories. I’d bet my reaction didn’t help any either.

“How ‘you been sleeping?” I see the flush rise in his cheeks; he has this sort of dopey look about him when he gets embarrassed.

“Why?”

“Look Daniel—”

“Jack I’m fine, I don’t want to talk about it.” Daniel spits out nervously, darting looks from me to Carter then back to me again.

“Don’t want to talk about what?” I ask as gently as possible.

“What?” He replies, obviously going for the dumb act tonight.

“What don’t you want to talk about?” I ask again, still using the voice I tend to reserve for children and furry animals.

“Jack I said I was fine. Please just drop it.” He manages to yell and whine at the same time.

“Daniel we’re just worried about you.” Carter injects just as I’m about to lose it. Too little sleep over the last few days is making my short fuse even shorter.

“Fine.” I hear Daniel grind out between his teeth.

“For cryin’ out Daniel we just want to help!” Carter throws a chastising look in my direction. I couldn’t help it.

Daniel stands and gathers his notes together. “Yeah, okay I’m going to bed. Night.” He turns and disappears into his room.

“Well that went well.”

Daniel

Who the hell do they think they are? We’re worried about you Daniel, we care about you Daniel, goddamn it! Who do they think they’re talking too? It’s not like I’m six years old or anything!

I pause mid rant fumbling with my sleeping bag, I realise the reason I’m not getting anywhere with it is because I’m shaking so hard I can’t hold on to the zipper. I don’t know what’s going on. I’m assuming it has something to do with this place and NOT the withdrawal symptoms. They, thankfully, have died down. I’m still a little on edge but no worse off than the others.

I had a feeling Jack and Sam had heard me wake up screaming every night. If I’m honest, I’m lucky Jack’s let it go this long. The nightmares are nothing like I’ve experienced before. I can’t rationalise the fear I’m feeling right now, I’m scared shitless to go to sleep in case I dream again. I remember having similar feelings a few times when I was younger. Back then my solution was to run into my parents’ room and climb into bed with them. I let out a chuckle that borders on hysteria, thinking it’s a shame they aren’t here now. An idea occurs to me and for a split second I lose all self-control and contemplate going to Jack’s room.

Not having the confidence right now to admit to Jack I may need his help, I sink to the floor instead and let the tears burning at the back of my eyes fall. I don’t know what to do.

Jack

I figure before I turn in for another night of tossing and turning I might as well check in on Daniel. See if he’s all right, see if he’s still mad at me—that sort of thing. Carter left for her room not long after Daniel’s mini hissy fit. I don’t know what to do for the best. You don’t have to be a genius to work out what’s keeping him up at night. Janet warned me there would be some major fallout once Daniel remembers what he nearly did. Problem is, how the hell am I going to help him when I’VE not come to terms with it yet? What work’s in my favour though is he must have been pretty much out of it to climb out onto his balcony in the first place. It proves he definitely wasn’t in his right mind, Daniel isn’t fond of heights and if he really wanted to kill himself I’m sure he could have found an easier way to do it.

Having found nothing out of place I finish my tour of the building and approach Daniel’s room quietly, none of the rooms have doors and I don’t want to wake him up if he’s already asleep.

Daniel is most definitely not asleep. In fact he’s nowhere in sight.

Crap.

This is so not what I need right now. If Daniel is trying to piss me off for losing my temper with him he’s doing a good job. I run over the various scenarios in my head as I check and re check the inside perimeter, none of them are good. I check Carter and Loren’s room just to see if he went to either of them, but no such luck. The only place I haven’t checked now is outside. As much as I would hope that Daniel isn’t stupid enough to pull a stunt like that I’m afraid he is stubborn enough to try.

Deciding that I may require back up on this one I head back to Carter’s room. If Daniel is outside then he could be in bad shape and may need immediate medical attention. If he doesn’t then I can guarantee he’s gonna need it anyway once I’m done with him, I bet Carter’s going to want a piece of him too.

Just as I’m about to shout for Carter a sound distracts me. Out of instinct I spin around to find its source, it only takes a minute for me to seek out its origin. As I approach silently the soft noise is more audible, and recognisable.

“That little…” The curse dies on my lips as I let the fear and worry just drain away. Suddenly I feel very tired and very, very old. I was wrong when I thought I had checked everywhere. It never even crossed my mind that Daniel would have gone to my room.

Now the crisis is over I lower myself to sit on the cushion-clad floor, next to where Daniel’s sprawled, passed out, snoring softly. Letting out a sigh of relief while I take the weight off my feet I can’t help but wonder what he wanted. I guess it doesn’t really matter now, he seems peaceful enough where he is, and since that’s been a rarity the pass few nights I’m not going to disturb him.